CUPERTINO, CA - As Apple CEO Tim Cook was hanging out in his office this morning, a red phone rang on his desk: the phone for which only President Xi Jinping has the number. Cook jumped up, dropped his guitar, and answered.'Yes, what is it, Mr. Chairman, sir?' Cook asked. 'Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, we'll...
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Senate has voted against creating a January 6th commission to investigate the Capitol riots. As a result, it would seem the events of that day will forever remain shrouded in complete darkness and mystery.'Yes, there were millions of people there that day, in addition to hundr...
U.S. - Well, it looks like the 2024 presidential race is kicking off, with former (and possibly future) President Donald Trump running his first set of ads on the television screens at gas pumps across the nation.The ads began running this week, and mostly feature the politician and real estate mogu...
ATLANTA, GA - Alex Jones has been appointed as the new CDC director after everyone realized he was right about everything all along. 'We have been startled by the uncanny accuracy with which all his conspiracy theories have come true,' said former director Robert Redfield. 'Everything from the Wuhan...
