Now hear me out. Your astonishing president is just about to meet with @ottman and the world will start asking what the fuck #minds is. This is a problem. It would be a very wise idea to throttle the boost feed into oblivion because if CNN will find this website and some deranged alcoholic with autism decides to boost the fuck out a picture of a rotten animal corpse that is A BAD LOOK FOLKS. We’d be dead in the water, this cannot happen. Obviously, myself, I post nothing but wholesome #inspiration messages designed to help people. However some of my partial followers are ever so slightly confused how many people live in their brains, we can’t have them displayed prominently all over the main page when Slate.com will do it’s “research”. So I propose that for the time being we post only NICE things. Let me start with some professional life coaching, I’ve been doing it for 4 days now so I have some experience. I made sure that I removed all chunks of stomach lining that got caught in my beard when I threw up blood this morning (I think this has happened before). This is how serious I am about this. I suggest you remove at least those pieces of undigested Xanax from your hair as well as you read this, the puke is fine. Let’s be as presentable as possible for the media. Today’s lesson is VISION. This picture over here, I barely remember taking it but it’s from 2018 I think, I don’t remember where I was, probably hopelessly lost when my painkillers disagreed with whisky. What you see here is basically cancer dust but I had no vision, I couldn’t see shit. I live in Chernobyl for christ’s sakes. And yet the result is oddly pleasing. What does that teach us? Gary Vee is wrong, you don’t need vision in life (I mean plans for the future, not eyesight you fucking retards). Vision is a social construct. You have no vision, no idea what you’re supposed to do with your life when you ran out of pharmaceutics, I have no vision, I’ve reactivated this profile a month ago wanting to become a professional photographer, I failed, then I wanted to try to be a social media influencer, I failed, then I wanted to be a life coach and well, it is what it is. For people with vision it takes months, sometimes YEARS of effort to fail at something. For lunatics like us a couple of days is enough, good, we give up and move into something else. At the end of life, they might become millionaires in terms of collected money, we become millionaires in terms of acquired life experiences riddled with failure and disappointment. We know more. Holy fuck that is actually a cool paragraph, I can’t believe I just wrote that myself. God damn, old fat boy deserves a drink I think! Aspire to become like me, fail more and then, someday in life you might write one nice paragraph after 40 years of trying. Buy my fucking prints. I swear, the photos I post on Minds will be up probably tomorrow on my FFA portfolio, but the old shit I have on there is NICE and a decade old. Link in bio. #myphoto #photography #comedy

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More from John Grammaticus

You know that moment when you leave your apartment because you’ve ran out of whisky for the fifth time this week and on your way to the store you cross the railway, you step into it hoping that a train kills you but all you get instead is a mildly nice photo? I know you do because you’re on #minds and that clearly means something went wrong with your life and you find my content very relatable. This is because you are already redpilled and you know that effort is a scam invented by ableist patriarchy. Rest assured, no effort went into taking this shot, it’s a handheld snapshot taken with Fujifilm XF10, the ISO is way too high, the aperture way too low and this is basically a junkyard salvage job done in Capture One Pro 12. (I love it how spellcheck underlined the word "ableist" as not being a real word. Spellcheck is a bigoted nazi) When I’ll post this photo on instagram it’s going to get over 30 likes, not because it’s all that good, it’s because effort is a social construct and I can pretend like this shit was planned months in advance and that it has some sort of uplifting message of journey or something. People would believe me and think that I am a pico influencer with two tattoos and a beard trying to fix their lives instead of fixing my own just because it’s a sunset and a train is a symbol of escaping your own life which obviously isn't going to happen. There is no point to this story either, no punchline or great insight. I’ve told you something you already know, you’ll find it relatable and you will smash that like button and subscribe so that we can all die thinking that we were a part of something. #myphoto #photography #art #bullshit

296 views ·

OK FINE, I get it, you guys probably don’t find animal corpses inspiring for some reason, like I said, I decided to become a life coach three days ago, mistakes are going to be made. I forgot that this carcass could trigger that memory of yours when your crystal meth bender ended and you found a rotten corpse of your mother in the kitchen and it turned out that you were out of this world for three months instead of three days as you originally planned. Trust me, I understand, I have that same feeling every time I throw up blood in the morning and think “oh wait, this has happened before, didn’t it.”. It’s absolutely normal to feel nothing but pure regret until about 11 AM when your third coffee kicks in. So to get us back on the track I propose this inspiring picture I took last year when I was walking back home after a 12 hours shift at work, I can’t afford a car so I walk home like a peasant carrying a camera that is worth two cars. I was never known to be the one to make the best life decisions. Now what is this picture supposed to inspire, uh give me a second, I’ve ran out of whisky again and I have developed a complete immunity to gin so I am kind of sober. Ah yes, DEATH. Because this grimdark decrepit tree lit by a lamp post that looked as if it was about to collapse is here to remind you yet again, that nothing really matters. Or maybe you are a short and fat train wreck like me and you see this tall and lanky tree and you think to yourself - oh my gods, this thing and me, we are the same, we’re dead inside! It’s all about finding a common ground, this is the ultimate solution to all of our problems, everyone should develop a life threatening addiction so that we can all form an 8 billion strong AA group therapy. Then we forget the politics, we forget the religion, we just swim in our common misery and await a savior from the Taurid swarm to blast us into oblivion. See people? I know I was a bit edgy last time but I am back on track and provide wholesome and uniting messages again. Buy my fucking prints. #inspiration #myphoto #photography #minds #comedy

2.68k views ·

More from John Grammaticus

You know that moment when you leave your apartment because you’ve ran out of whisky for the fifth time this week and on your way to the store you cross the railway, you step into it hoping that a train kills you but all you get instead is a mildly nice photo? I know you do because you’re on #minds and that clearly means something went wrong with your life and you find my content very relatable. This is because you are already redpilled and you know that effort is a scam invented by ableist patriarchy. Rest assured, no effort went into taking this shot, it’s a handheld snapshot taken with Fujifilm XF10, the ISO is way too high, the aperture way too low and this is basically a junkyard salvage job done in Capture One Pro 12. (I love it how spellcheck underlined the word "ableist" as not being a real word. Spellcheck is a bigoted nazi) When I’ll post this photo on instagram it’s going to get over 30 likes, not because it’s all that good, it’s because effort is a social construct and I can pretend like this shit was planned months in advance and that it has some sort of uplifting message of journey or something. People would believe me and think that I am a pico influencer with two tattoos and a beard trying to fix their lives instead of fixing my own just because it’s a sunset and a train is a symbol of escaping your own life which obviously isn't going to happen. There is no point to this story either, no punchline or great insight. I’ve told you something you already know, you’ll find it relatable and you will smash that like button and subscribe so that we can all die thinking that we were a part of something. #myphoto #photography #art #bullshit

296 views ·

OK FINE, I get it, you guys probably don’t find animal corpses inspiring for some reason, like I said, I decided to become a life coach three days ago, mistakes are going to be made. I forgot that this carcass could trigger that memory of yours when your crystal meth bender ended and you found a rotten corpse of your mother in the kitchen and it turned out that you were out of this world for three months instead of three days as you originally planned. Trust me, I understand, I have that same feeling every time I throw up blood in the morning and think “oh wait, this has happened before, didn’t it.”. It’s absolutely normal to feel nothing but pure regret until about 11 AM when your third coffee kicks in. So to get us back on the track I propose this inspiring picture I took last year when I was walking back home after a 12 hours shift at work, I can’t afford a car so I walk home like a peasant carrying a camera that is worth two cars. I was never known to be the one to make the best life decisions. Now what is this picture supposed to inspire, uh give me a second, I’ve ran out of whisky again and I have developed a complete immunity to gin so I am kind of sober. Ah yes, DEATH. Because this grimdark decrepit tree lit by a lamp post that looked as if it was about to collapse is here to remind you yet again, that nothing really matters. Or maybe you are a short and fat train wreck like me and you see this tall and lanky tree and you think to yourself - oh my gods, this thing and me, we are the same, we’re dead inside! It’s all about finding a common ground, this is the ultimate solution to all of our problems, everyone should develop a life threatening addiction so that we can all form an 8 billion strong AA group therapy. Then we forget the politics, we forget the religion, we just swim in our common misery and await a savior from the Taurid swarm to blast us into oblivion. See people? I know I was a bit edgy last time but I am back on track and provide wholesome and uniting messages again. Buy my fucking prints. #inspiration #myphoto #photography #minds #comedy

2.68k views ·