Marriage is probably the most assailed and embattled of our civilizational institutions.
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Around the manosphere we assiduously diagnose and bemoan all the economic, legal and social forces that have so effectively undermined marriage...
The family court system
The insidious Hollywood portrayals of marriage
The LGBTQ propaganda
The general bigotry against straight males
The boundless narcissism enabled by social media and technology
The prolific promiscuity
I recall a major ah ha! episode I had as an inexperienced young man. One night at a bar a few questionable acquaintances introduced me to a voluptuous Mexican girl in a quite sexy leopard print dress. That night I quintessentially got lucky, despite my mediocre Spanish and relative lack of game, she ravaged me on the dancefloor with a vigorous vertical lap dance and selected me as her lover for the night. After a few hours we drove back to her dodgy neighborhood, she stripped off that skin tight dress and made passionate love to me like Cleopatra trying to appease Julius Caesar.
The next morning I proudly regaled my roommate with the lurid details of my nightly conquest, he chastised me for having such random unsafe sex with a total stranger. The next day or two I went about in an odd state of nervous worry that I had impregnated a mexican girl and giddy optimism that she would now be my girlfriend and I’d be enjoying those luscious latina loins all I wanted. And of course I was struck by just how easy it was - she wasn't even drunk!
Over the next week or two I was disappointed and a bit surprised that the mexicana was pretty disinterested in seeing me again. She responded to my texts and MySpace messages but consistently avoided meeting back up. WTF! Did she just hook up with a new, random guy like that every weekend? My disappointment was assuaged by a clean venereal disease test.
Any man reading this with much experience with the nightlife or practicing the art of seduction has had a similar red pill (maybe thanks to same mexican girl! It’s a small world...) As denizens of this cultural cauldron of modernity, secularism, feminism and individualism why not take advantage of all the hedonism on offer and just enjoy the decline?
Years before my romp with the mexican girl (and many others like her), my wise mother presciently explained to me why monogamy and marriage made sense to a man in this rowdy cultural moment of peak promiscuity.
My mother is a very religious woman, who lost her virginity to my father on their wedding night. We’ve always been able to speak frankly about almost anything, she explained quoting from the bible to a pubescent me that yes, you can easily get sex from random women but when you commit to a virtuous Christian woman, especially in marriage, you get a sex slave, for life.
I forget if she articulated it in precisely those terms but that was certainly the gist of it; get married and you get unlimited sex for as long as you want.
What I understood was that by marrying I became the owner of a woman. She was mine to maintain, honor and do with whatever I pleased.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ...
I became acquainted as a young man with the attendant responsibilities and rewards of ownership with two cheap sports cars that I purchased and loved, an old Porsche 944 and a Lexus SC400.
I spent a significant portion of my meager income on those cars and countless hours tinkering with the cantankerous mechanics, detailing interiors and shining up wheels but I was rewarded with the sublime pleasure of driving those fine metal beasts.
Perhaps proper ownership and maintenance of a woman could be similarly rewarding...
Numerous bible verses describe the importance of mutual respect and understanding in marriage but my mother made it clear that as a husband I was to be dictator and supreme commander with my wife as a respected adviser...
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
1 Peter 3:1-6
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.
My mother also emphasized that by marrying I received a special helper, a committed assistant to share the load in all my affairs, dealings and tasks.
Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another...
to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
She emphasized the economic value of a wife, a good wife would be like hiring a star employee to work in the business of my life and propel me to new heights.
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Another translation of Proverbs 31:10-31
An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD.
My mother emphasized how marriage was an evolution in independence and in charting my own course as a man
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
To those who might find the idea of wives as slaves or property insufferably backwards and regressive I’ll remind you that the New Testament (the part of the bible that Christians take most seriously) emphasizes mutual respect and sympathy towards wives:
1 Peter 3:7
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
If all men treated their wives as the New Testament advises I really can’t imagine that we’d have so many feminists complaining incessantly about “toxic masculinity” and marriage as an “oppressive institution”.
Fast forward to today, I’ve just returned from a heavenly vacation with the woman I love on the sunny black sea coast here in Bulgaria.
She worships me in the bedroom, I’m really flattered that someone would be so committed to constantly pleasuring me.
But it’s not just the great sex that we have. A year into this relationship I’ve sobered a bit from that initial animal lust and oxytocin drunkenness and take joy in her inner beauty, tenderness, wittiness, conversation and precious mind.
I’ve never expected women to be a source of intellectual stimulation. For intellectual stimulation I have deep conversations with other men. I read books or write. But with my girlfriend we have great conversations about politics, business, religion, health, history, language, literature, etc
She’s amazingly pleasant and womanly. She’s happy almost all the time. She doesn't go through emotional roller-coasters that she drags me through. The shit-tests are few and far between.
She’s relatively low maintenance, not incessantly demanding fancy dinners, shopping excursions or nights out on the town.
Several times a week after a gym sessions she massages my aching muscles with coconut oil.
She’s malleable and yielding; willing to adopt my views, mindset and habits.
4 years ago when I was cutting my teeth learning game seducing the beautiful but dramatic, vapid and entitled latinas of Medellin, Colombia I became cynical and never would have imagined that a woman would so lovingly and thoughtfully provide me acts of service in the mundane affairs of day to day life.
On reflection I think I’ve finally received the "slave" I was promised.
I was certainly not entitled to this kind of relationship just because I was a red blooded straight male, a Christian traditionalist or because my mother suggested it. I paid a high price to be able to enjoy this kind of relationship, mostly in personal development.
Perhaps I’m being overly salacious in calling my wife my sex slave (even though I think she likes it) when really we’re partners in a symbiotic relationship where our male and female strengths complement and empower each other but I can think of no more effective way to frame the value proposition of monogamy and marriage to the modern young man so tantalized by the boundless hedonism dangled before him in the deregulated sexual marketplace.
There’s guys reading this that are cynical about women; they’ve been taken advantage of by ex-girlfriends or ex-wives or they’re sick of the slutty, flakey girls that they meet off Tinder or in the nightlife or they’re disappointed in the results they’re getting from time spent doing game.
How the hell do you actually meet a nice girl?
The truth is that they are probably getting what they deserve. If you’re cynical about women that’s a good sign that you really haven’t taken your personal development seriously enough.
Several years ago Roosh did this speaking tour that sparked vociferous outrage in Canada, in his subsequent book Free Speech Isn’t Free he makes the point that the kind of loyal, wife material woman that was so prevalent in times past is now very rare and that the great struggle men face today is the holistic personal development necessary to find and attract a "unicorn" - a woman who is young and attractive with a good character that is unspoiled by cultural influences.
Every time period has a sacrifice, and the sacrifice that we have to make is not food, is not work, is not living in filth, but it’s quality relationships with women. (p. 150)
It now takes hundreds of hours of game work and self-improvement work to enter a sexual relationship with a girl who is good looking. Did your dad have to put in a hundred hours to meet your mom? My dad had to take a shower every day. (Laughter and clapping.) Is that enough now? (No.) (p. 146)
Which actually isn’t THAT BAD of news, personal development while difficult is a lot more fun toiling as a peasant in medieval farm your whole life or having to go off to fight in the trenches of World War 1.
Here’s the things you need to take seriously, where you need to demand excellence of yourself:
Personal development - Putting the time in practicing the art of seduction and learning social dynamics. Getting outside of your comfort zone. Habituate a lifestyle that builds discipline. Quit your bad habits and vices. Quit watching porn. Read books about success and mindset.
Health matters - If you follow many fitness or health guru guys online you’ll notice a consistent trend that almost all of them are married or have serious girlfriends. They seem to have quite good relationships. This is because conspicuous health is very attractive to women, it’s an honest signal that you have good genes and can provide her a potent dose of sperm for the baby that deep inside she really wants.
So, get active and hit the gym regularly. Clean up your diet. Read good books about health and biohacking. Take high quality supplements. If you really want a quality woman in your life there’s no excuse for indulging in vice daily or eating junk food - cut that shit out!
Mindfulness - Or meditation consistently makes you a better seducer, that’s why almost all the pickup artist gurus rave about it constantly. In the long term it also makes you more empathetic which will bring much tranquility to your long term relationships. So try out the different meditation apps or devices on the market and try to habituate a daily mindfulness practice that lasts 15-20 minutes.
Go abroad - The virtuous woman that you desire who is young, attractive, sexually inexperienced and unspoiled by toxic cultural influences is in “developed” western countries 5% or less of the pool of the single women - she is a unicorn - good luck finding one! Whereas in more traditional cultures this kind of woman is perhaps as much as 50% of the pool of single women. Dating abroad entails plenty of its own risks, downsides and challenges but your odds of finding a good woman JUST go way up if you get outside of Western or anglosphere countries.
Select a virginal woman - Marrying a girl with over 5 sexual partners in her past is tantamount to an inexperienced, first time entrepreneur, mortgaging their house to open an Applebee’s franchise (that’s a crappy casual dining chain restaurant) - failure is a near certainty! Marrying a virginal girl is more like a veteran software developer launching a new app or website - success is likely.
You might not be able to find a virginal woman or you may fall in love with a great woman who has had a few partners. That’s OK but I really would not take a woman seriously who had over three previous partners.
Other than inspecting the hymen there’s no real way to verify her number of partners. So you’ll just have to ask her to be honest with you - if you have good evidence that she’s been honest with in the past (even when it was uncomfortable) you can be more trusting of what she tells you.
You maybe thinking...
Where the hell would I find a virginal girl?
Not on Tinder or at the bars! You could go to church, lots of Christian girls take the abstinence thing seriously. The younger a girl is the less her sexual experience likely is so take the age of consent in your state or country and try to date girls who are at the very bottom of the legal range that you can date (but hopefully not in Mexico, where it’s 12 years old!)
I’ve dated widely abroad and for the 5 years that I lived in downtown Denver and there’s quite a difference between an inexperienced virginal woman and woman who’s had a number of dicks in her life. The virginal woman will just be notably more girlish, a bit shy, a little nervous, she will have bad girl game, you’ll need to really take charge of things. Dating a sexually experienced woman there’s a notable cynicism, insecurity and emotional baggage from the heart wrenching breakups and betrayals she’s been through.
The bible emphasizes how marrying young is conducive to female virtue:
so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
Up your sex game - If you want a woman to really treat you like a king, you’re going to need to really spike her Oxytocin - the love hormone - which you could do the way I did by actually taking exogenous Oxytocin with my girl but it’s a lot more fun to do it the old fashioned way - making sure she orgasms during sex. If your woman experiences more orgasms than she’s accustomed to with you Oxytocin will make her quite addicted to you.
You may think you’re pretty good at sex but you can always get a lot better by habituating a tantric practice; this entails
Strengthening your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle by doing kegels.
Practicing the tantric breathing techniques.
Practicing masturbating (WITHOUT porn) and holding back from ejaculating.
There’s a couple of books on this topic worth reading and I’ve put together a couple of detailed articles on the topic here. There are two great books on the topic of tantric semen retention:
This may sound like eastern spiritual wu-wu crap but it’s really made a difference for me, so I recommend it highly. I recall several years ago before I learned this stuff I seduced an 18 year old girl in Kiev; I had been no fapping for sometime and came after about 5 minutes. She was unimpressed and not interested in seeing me again in huge contrast to my experiences having attained some competence with the tantric semen retention methods.
Also you’re going to want to research and identify sources of high quality testosterone promoting herbs and nutraceuticals that promote libido and improve erections, especially if you’re past about 25 years old. I like Horny Goat Weed and Longjack Tongkat Ali but there’s several others out there and you’ll need to do your own research; diet also makes a big difference, you want to increase circulating nitric oxide before sex so get a lot of red beets on your plate.
I would NOT be able to enjoy vigorous love making as frequently as I do if I wasn't using these herbs. I recall several years ago at a decadent swinger party in Medellin, Colombia I was about to seal the deal with a curvaceous brown Colombian goddess BUT I’d had some to drink and as soon as I put on a condom I disappointingly went flaccid - that hasn't happened to me on herbs.
Avoid the conspicuously beautiful - If you want sex with the 9’s and 10’s that’s fine. Do it. Go boldly approach the hottest girl in the club. Start a fake career as a “model photographer” so you can hookup with the hot girls that dream of being instagram celebrities. Or, shit, just become an amateur male pornstar, I hear it’s really not that hard get into!
But if you want a virtuous woman who would make a great partner, you’re probably not going to find one who is conspicuously beautiful. My woman is attractive; thin with a pretty face and nice medium sized boobs and she certainly looks good naked but she doesn't wear a lot of makeup, high heels or really doll herself up for a casual night out. She’s not breaking a lot of necks walking down the street. She’s not particularly photogenic so she doesn't have hundreds of desperate men online complimenting her incessantly.
My friends and family who are a bit more progressive and liberal than I may revile my very politically incorrect notion of ownership of my woman, but is ownership really so bad?
Ownership implies proper maintenance, protection and care for the well being of a thing.
Ownership involves long term thinking about an investment made. Everyone knows that rental cars and rented apartments get beat up and treated like crap by their drivers and occupants while purchased cars and homes are cared for meticulously. The greater the investment made in a thing, the less likely the owner is to abuse or misuse it.
Classic literature and every great spiritual text that describes love and romance does so in terms of caring possession of one another.
Great love songs that inspire us contain moving lyrics describing the joyful possession of one’s beloved.
In nearly every language on earth husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends express ownership with the term of endearment my woman or my man.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 articulates this rather liberal idea of egalitarian ownership:
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Love is a voluntary ceding of ownership. It’s an acknowledgment that interdependence is an improvement over independence and a rational selection of a partner to support oneself. Quite differently than the chattel slave so often portrayed by Hollywood I don’t keep my sex slave locked in a cage, she chooses to do everything that she does for me.
Here in the manosphere the cynicism has reached unprecedented levels, some of us have probably taken more red pills than we should. Perhaps you’re thinking...
OK good for you dude. Your getting a lot of good sex and have fallen in love. You’ve got oneitis! Just you wait until she royally screws you!
Some cynical commenters might say:
There’s no such thing as a traditional woman! Eastern European women are materialistic whores! They just see you as a ticket to escape their shithole countries...
Well, I’m sure that a lot are and there’s always a chance that my relationship may fail and I maybe totally screwed. But compared to what...
A relationship with an empowered American or western woman is just about guaranteed to end disastrously.
If I really wanted to maximize hedonism and minimize risk I could just go MGTOW and retreat into the boundless pixel pleasure world of videogames and porn.
I could forsake relationships with women and be one of these guys that saves up my money all year so I can spend a week or two as a sex tourist in Thailand, Colombia or Ukraine.
I could declare myself a player for life but this is a foolhardy long term life plan that doesn't seem to work out well for many men. I’ve met sparingly few single men over age 45 who were cool, socially well adjusted and enjoying the single life. The vast majority of single middle aged men I’ve met were increasingly kind of creepy, angry at the world and cynical in a way that revealed a profound loneliness.
Every decision you make in life is a bet. If you want to do your biological duty and achieve genetic immortality by reproducing and wake up to a tender female form in your bed you need to take a chance on a woman.
The true divorce rate even in the degenerate west is about 45% of marriages. I find that encouraging because at least half of all men are idiots, lazy and hopelessly naive about women. If you’re willing to be proactive and smart about managing your relationship and you carefully select a woman your chances of long term happiness are good. The most recent research has found that (contrary to what Hollywood pop culture would have you believe) 75% of marriages are happy ones. Those aren’t that bad of odds.
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