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The Cheap-Ass Gaming Garbage Man Reviews: PUBG Mobile

TheGarbageManApr 18, 2018, 8:13:33 PM

I crouch. I wait. For two minutes, I lay motionless, eyes peeled off to the horizon.

What do I see?

I see a lone gunman, traversing the fields, looking for loot and the chance to get away. 

He won’t.

With a flick, I switch over to scope and dial in my target.

He stops. Maybe he senses that I’ve got him in my sights. Maybe he knows it’s all about to end. Whatever it is, his actions have made it so.

Hopefully, he gave one last prayer and one last wish, because that’s the instant I headshot him and blew his brains out.

The words Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!! float above me, but what did I win? Nothing.

Nothing but bragging rights and dead men’s souls.

And that’s really all that I wanted.

Another win in the bag.

When I first saw this game up on the Google Play store, I thought it was just another Korean knock-off of the monstrously popular Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds.

I mean, there’s probably hundreds just trying to imitate the game. That’s not including the games that knock-off the battle royal formula, such as Fortnite, Paladins, and Dying fucking Light.

So I’m sure you can understand my hesitation on putting PUBG Mobile on my phone.

A little research led me to find that this was indeed a Bluehole-approved, Tencent production of PUBG.


So I heard that Fortnite was heading to the mobile market, and it seems to me that Bluehole just found an already near-perfect clone, told Tencent Games, “Hey, we make $billions$ together, MUHAHAHHAHAHAHA!”

The game just got a whole lot smaller.

“So what about the actual fucking game, you fucktard Garbage Man?” you might eloquently ask.

Well… It’s perfect.

There was nothing lost in it’s small screen adaptation. The map is still there. The guns are still there. Hell, even the fucking ghillie suit is still there.

This is a near-perfect port of PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds.

The controls might be a little wonky, as anything that requires you to put your fingers all over the screen you're watching typically is.

But the item pick-up is a breeze. Switching weapons, sights, items, all methods of operation are smooth, seamless, and smartly implemented.

The should of hired these motherfuckers to make the Xbox one version.

It even makes me think that Xbox One players paid for a company to be able to figure out how to graphically downsize their product, making a cell phone introduction easily enough to do.

But that sounds scandalous, and we all know that video game companies have nothing to do with scandal.

Almost as perfect as my score.

Rating: 4 out of 5. If you like PUBG, shooters, multiplayer, and free games, then PUBG Mobile is your game.

It’s not as good as it’s PC or Xbox One counterpart, but it plays good and it’s fun. That’s really all I expect out of my games. 

So minus a point for that and, because it's a mobile game, it will ever be good enough for a 5 out of 5.

For a free game that only offers cosmetics for sale, you really can’t get better than that. Let the trust fund kids blow their generational wealth on digital jackets and shoes, you've got heads to snipe.

Don't forget to check out my review on the Xbox One version of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, soon to be updated and re-released!

Until the next battle, keep them in your scope!