Sudden Collapse

**Originally posted 23 SEP 2016

 

I don't normally talk about my physical health here.  But, after the events of this week, I've never been so grateful to be boring as I am right now.

 

Earlier this week, I was making to cross a street and my last thought was 'signal says I can cross now'... the next moment, I was aware of a jarring sensation on my knees.  Then my hands fell to the pavement to catch the rest of me.  My next thought was 'that's not going to be enough to stop the momentum and my face is going to crash too.'  I turned my head just enough and just in time to catch my chin instead of my nose.

 

As I slowly gathered myself together to stand, I thought, "What the hell just happened?"  Nothing like that had ever happened to me before.  I finished crossing the street and went about my drive home.  I sort of chalked it up to my ankle going out on me.  But the next morning, my ankle felt FINE  (usually it feels weak after an episode like that).  More concerning, was when I realised that I didn't remember the moment between deciding I could cross the street and the moment when my knees hit the pavement.

 

Apparently this is actually a fairly common thing, but most people don't report the experiences or even go to the doctor.  I think people don't report it because this experience is just so... STRANGE.  (And it's easy for you to make excuses about it.)  You feel fine before, you feel fine after, it's just the exact moment that you collapse that you can't necessarily remember.  (Some people do remember it, but just have a sudden loss of all control.)  And most of the time, such experiences have some other root cause.  In my case, no cause has been found, so the term is accurate:  Drop Attack.

 

That is a very good description, because that's what happens: One moment you're standing, the next you're on your knees (or hands, or face) without really understanding what happened.  You literally DROP.

 

All of that said:  IF YOU EVER EXPERIENCE THIS, GET TO THE DOCTOR WITHIN 24 HOURS AND GET CHECKED OUT!!!

 

Even if you think "Oh I'm fine.  No broken bones, just a few bruises/abrasions."  Doesn't matter.  See a doctor. While a Drop Attack by definition happens without any cause, much of the time when such an event happens, it actually indicates another underlying condition (some of which can be deadly). For myself, at this point (after a lot of tests), it has so far been determined to be entirely spontaneous and random (so this term applies to me).

 

This was the first one I've ever had and as long as I don't have another one, I'm free to go about my business, with the idea that I might not ever have another one again.  Of course, if I do, that changes everything and more tests will likely be needed.

 

All that said, I do have a heart condition:  One of my valves doesn't open and close right.  I always joke that I run on three-cylinders, not four.  It's never caused any issues with breathing or with my lungs and heart having to work harder than normal, so it's not something I really think about.  Well, this fall changed all of that.  Not only did they run some basic neurological tests (to rule out those reasons for my fall), but with the concern about my heart condition (as well as family history of things), they ran an ECG (Which came back normal) and then sent me for an ultrasound of my heart.  (I haven't had either done since I was 18.)

 

The sort of scary thing about the ultrasound this go:  When I was an infant, I was diagnosed with a patent ductus arteriosus.  When I was seven, I was declared cured/healed of it.  Well.  The ultrasound showed that it was still there.  And active.  That said, it's not worrisome.  In that, it doesn't cause any additional stress on my heart or lungs. And my arteries don't have any plaque build-up, hardening of the arteries or valves, or any infection.  (So, nothing about my heart condition caused my fall.)

 

Well, that's all great, right?  It IS... until the doctor who looked over the ultrasound asked me if I had a cardiologist and when was the last time I had seen one, and when was the last time I had any of these sorts of tests done.  I shrugged and said when I was 18 and that I've never had a cardiologist since then. Basically I had been told at 18: You have this issue, it's not a big deal, if things change, worry about it then.

 

This doc was less than pleased with my answer, so I have to go in for a follow-up appointment and I now need to be seen probably once a year by a cardiologist.  I'm less than pleased with that.  My POV: If I'm okay why do I need a specialist?

 

So that's been on my mind this week.  On the one hand:  Basically the fall was a freak-of-nature and I'm fine (well other than the bumps, bruises, and sore muscles).  On the other: wow, all these things that I thought weren't big deals are suddenly big deals, but not big deals at the same time.

 

It's a contradiction in terms, just like seemingly every other aspect of my life.

 

But it has forced me to reassess my current life choices - mostly my employment.  Because one of the questions that kept coming up was: "how much stress do you have at work?"  My reply: "I work here on campus, it's been the start of the year, so, actually quite a lot."

The Cardiologist didn't like that answer either.  So, I expect we'll be going into more details about that next week.

 

But, now I'm thinking about everything:  How does my current health/life affect what I do daily/weekly?  In particular at work.  I know, I shouldn't think about these things just yet... But, it does make a difference when thinking about 'work/life' balance.  I don't have it.  I know I don't have it.  But perhaps this will be the catalyst to make changes I've wanted to make recently anyway and didn't see a way to make those changes given my current life circumstances.  Well, now I might have to.  I'm okay with that.  As long as the changes mean I can still travel, still go about my business and it only changes the aspects of my life that I want to change anyway.

 

My fear is that this will lead to a situation that I will have to change things about my life that I don't want to change.  What will I do then?  How will I manage it?  Again, I'll know more next week, at least I hope I will.