Musings in the Night

Sometimes I think about things in the dark. When the world is calm and almost silent. When nothing seems to move and everything just seems to breathe. I think of all the little worries and what they are worth.

Only to count them as nothing.

When a sea of stars and a thousand gods wink down on you, what does it all come to be worth? Again the only answer I have is not a thing. 

A creeping feeling of oblivion starts to eat away at my thoughts. As they struggle to grip some anchor of sense to it all. Yet again nothing comes to mind.

I find myself searching for meaning. A much pettier one, closer to earth where we are all trapped with one another. 

A reason, not just for my existence, but for the existence of us all. Still I find nothing and no one to truly hold, the dark thoughts of the weakness we share make sure of that. 

The cool night and thousand small voices that call. Remind me of my insignificance. Just one of countless whose silence will not be missed or even noticed in the end. 

Making me ponder once more for the reason of it all. 

A burden grown heavy and dragging on the soul makes me wonder. Why bother at all?

I have no answer, only a feeling.

A small and petty feeling, even a form of madness if I dwell on it. 

I will not disappear into the night or be ushered meekly into the void. I'm far to base and wicked a creature for that. I hold on to that feeling, that swelling in my stomach as it rises into my chest. Burning and feeding on that which holds my heart.

I will not go in silence or peace. I will not go with ease or comfort. For I crave life in all it's savagery. I crave it with a dreadful passion and cruel jealousy. 

If the sun never rose again and the world was cursed with the endless night. I would burn brighter than the shadow of its memory. 

The night makes me dwell on the void and the deepest shadows of my soul. But there is no greater light from within then in these times. The calm before the reckoning, the starry curtains that reflect the truth across a world.

Life comes with the dawn but reflection sleeps in her exposing light. Lost is sense, reason, or perhaps even wisdom. The cost of eternity is the moment, the present ever pressing and clinging. Until once more night falls. 

The return of madness upon us yet again. 

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That's it for this one. Just some of my ramblings I felt the need to put out on paper so to speak.