Confessions of an Ex-Vegan

I was once (not so long ago) the epitome of the vegan stereotype. As this self-idealized, modern day superhero, each day saving more lives of sentient beings while protecting the planet from destruction… or so I thought. 

Need an argument for or against veganism? Just take a quick browse through Google and the list goes on. Climate scientists suggest the less that humans contribute to the heating of the atmosphere, the more time earth’s inhabitants will have to enjoy life on this planet. We have the potential to dramatically decrease this rate if we cut corporate control of our food supply by reducing consumption of factory farmed animal proteins. Need more plant protein in your diet? No problem! Innovations in food production are rampant. Mock meats are tricking even the toughest carnivorous personality.

But there is still a narrowness to the scope of veganism. With no room for error allowed, it just might not be as realistic for the masses as I had thought. It certainly didn’t end up that way for me. 

During my vegan days, there were countless times I completely stunned myself when dining out. My meal would arrive unlike how I ordered it. While the majority of eateries are more accommodating than ever to a diverse range of diets, plenty of mistakes in the kitchen still do happen. The dish would come smothered with cheese or sprinkled with bacon. If I sent it back, I knew the heaping bowl of goods would be dumped right into the trash. An entire meal would be wasted. 

My mind would race. Children are starving all over the world. Did I really have that much arrogance? Or could I just cast a silent prayer and do my best to be grateful for what I had right in front of me? Many vegans would argue that if I chose to eat it, I would have contaminated the holy vessel of my body. I would be immediately axed from the puritan lifestyle I had once obeyed. 

I was only 12 years old when I decided to become a vegetarian. 15 years later, veganism had become embedded into my identity. I became as self-righteous as they come.

My mind spent too much time silently judging those around me who didn’t abide by the same standards as I did. I would mock the self-proclaimed “animal lovers” who found no issue in devouring the flesh of other animals while simultaneously admiring their furry companions who were begging for scraps at their feet.

The mind can be such a beautiful and mysterious weapon. We use so much energy expelling judgement and hate into the world, while all it really shows is a frank reflection of our own opinions and judgements of ourselves. Yet here I was, vain as ever, expecting to be admired by the world for the virtuous sacrifice I made to eliminate animal foods from my diet from such a young age. 

I was looking to make a big impact on the world in a very small way. I didn’t know the implications that would strike on my own health. My body could not process the high amounts of roughage I was consuming while on my vegan diet. The internal wounds it left, raw and inflamed, were enough proof to me that it was time for a dramatic shift. 

The worst part of it all would be explaining myself to the rest of the judging vegan eyes of the world. With my own personal history of how I had always viewed non-vegans, I knew I would soon be the source of some strong criticism. 

Would anyone else even take my stance seriously? Veganism has actually been a solution for  many struggling with intestinal inflammation like me. I already knew about Dr. Klein and the High Carb Health brothers, who have helped plenty of individuals around the world who claim to have cured the incurable with a plant-based diet alone. 

So how could I even begin to explain myself to them? To put things simply, I didn’t have to! My choices are mine alone, and regardless of the opinions of anyone other than myself, I will not allow them to interfere with my healing journey.

I’ve avoided publicly commenting on this private matter. I’ve given myself the necessary time to quietly process it’s heaviness. Veganism is more than a diet, it is an ethical lifestyle choice that many make as a way to create less harm and suffering in the world. I have some shame built up that I am now ready to divulge and dissolve. 

The emotional distress that has consumed my mind has been anything but productive. It festers in my gut, deflecting all of the energy I have put into my healing. It is one of my biggest barriers, acting as an internal blockage, suppressing the healing energy my body is calling for. My mission is meaningless if with each bite of animal protein I take, regret and guilt are right there to interfere with the engagement. 

Nourishing my body is my sacred duty. The shift I have made to integrate animal foods into my diet was a conscious decision I made to promote healing. I will not disrupt the process with anymore poisonous thoughts. Letting go of these fears has been a powerful skill I have developed along this journey. 

I have seen first-hand the internal growth, mental flexibility and physical strength that I have gained from my efforts. The hard work has certainly paid off. Now I eat with confidence and  have compassion for myself and my future. I’ll let fate set the tone for the rest.