TODAY I SAVED A RATTLE SNAKE FROM CERTAIN DEATH, AND I FEEL PRETTY DAMN GOOD ABOUT IT

I was headed up San Francisquito Canyon Road on my way home from work and I almost ran over a rattle snake. So I stopped, turned around and went back to see what I could do for him. He was just chillin out on the side of the road right in the part of the lane that is a little bit darker black due to car tires rolling over it all day long. So I sat in the car for a minute to contemplate how I was going to physically move a rattle snake just a few feet over in to the dirt with out having a full blown rattle snake experience. I got outta the car and grabbed my walking stick which on a side note, is an authentic Native American made walking stick that I got from a gift shop on an Indian reservation just off of I-40 in either Arizona or New Mexico, I cant remember which. I walked slowly towards the snake, tapping on the ground with the stick to let him know I was headed his way. I looked him right in the eye and said “Hey Brother, please don’t bite me.” … Then I poked him with the stick… Well, it was more like a nudge. I just wanted to see what he would do. Not surprisingly he proceeded to shake is rattle vigorously witch I took to mean “Hey fuck off asshole!” before lunging right towards me and of coarse, further into the road. Now that the snake is in a much more precarious situation I had to think fast before another car drives by at 55 miles an hour and runs him over. I quickly decided that if I stand on the side of the road in the dirt and nudge him again, maybe he’ll lunge at me right into the dirt and off the road. A reasonable assumption. So I quickly walked around him to stand in the dirt and I poked him again. He shook his rattle briefly and proceeded to slither across the street away from me and towards my car... Figures… I then realized that I left the driver side door open and the snake was headed right for it. Thankfully he decided to go under the car and not in the car right where I’m supposed to sit for the rest of the ride home. If he had gone in the car things would have been more complicated, and I would have had to start googling snake soup recipes. So I closed the driver side door and looked under the car. He was just coiled up under there lookin at me as if to say “Your move punk!” So I made a feeble attempt to nudge him out from underneath the car and he got pissed off at me again and I’m pretty sure he bit the walking stick. It was time to leave him alone for the night. I got in the car and slowly backed up until I could see him. I made the u-turn to head back the way I was goin and before I hit the gas I hung my head out the window and yelled “Stay outta the road snake!” I hit the gas and I was on my way.

The moral of the story? If you come across a rattle snake in the road, either save him from getting squished, or decide you are having soup for dinner. The choice is yours.

Cheers!