“The Twelve Steps Are For Fixing Something That Is Broken”

STEP ONE is pretty simple. It’s basically the part where you’re like... “Oh Shit! It’s Broken!” Some people might keep driving their car with the check engine light on because everything seems to be working just fine. It’s just a stupid light. Plus, if you pull the negative battery cable for ten seconds the light will go off. But if there really is a problem the light will just come back on after only fifty miles or so. Eventually you will start to hear a ticking sound. No matter. This thing just keeps trucking along. Then all of a sudden a shutter starts happening when you accelerate. But wouldn’t ya know it, the thing still goes. Then one day you're on the freeway and you're late for work again, and all of a sudden the damn thing just stops working. Now you are stranded in a stalled vehicle in the fast lane of the freeway during rush hour and you’ve only just started your day. Even if none of that shit happens, eventually you're going to have to get your yearly registration for the car. If you’re like me you wait till the very last minute to pay the registration, and if it just so happens to be a smog year and you live in The Great State of California, the check engine light is gonna put a damper on things. In ether one of these scenarios you’re shit outta luck. It’s best that you just admit ya got a fuckin problem and do something about it. Pretty simple...Not easy.

STEPS TWO AND THREE are when you realize that something can be done about your broken machine. Now I’m sure if I put my mind to it I could write an entire essay on “finding your spirituality”and “getting a connection with the source” or “giving it up to God”. But to be honest, when I was going through the steps for the first time, I didn't care about any of that shit. And the reality is that even after thirteen years I’m still not quite there yet. The point of TWO and THREE is to stop trying to control something that you are completely powerless over and will never have control of, and LET-IT-GO. There is a lot of talk about surrender in the rooms and even if someone isn’t directly talking about surrender, the surrender part is always assumed. So who the hell do you LET-IT-GO to? Well in this case you take your broken machine to the mechanic.

STEPS FOUR AND FIVE are what I like to call “The Tear Down Process”. And let me tell ya… It’s “The Tear Down Process”. This is where you take everything apart. This is known by many of us as a pretty tricky process, due to the fact that it can take a while and you still have to function while you’re doing it. For most people it’s very difficult to function after you’ve been disassembled. But this process is very important, because while you are disassembled you have to cut out all the rot, scrape off all buildup, remove and throw away all the worn out parts, and wipe the hard drive.

STEPS SIX AND SEVEN are what I like to call “The Rebuild Process” This is where we sand smooth the scars left behind from the rot that we cut out in the previous process. This is where we reinstall Brand New Parts. This is where we update all firmware and reinstall the latest version of the operating system. And last but not least, this is where we lube the chassis and change the oil.

STEPS EIGHT AND NINE are the test drive. In order to make sure everything is working properly we need to test the machine. We need work out all the bugs when we find them. Redo or fix the things we missed during the tare down and rebuild. And at some point during this process we’ll realize that we might be good to go. Keeping in mind that we are driving a high mileage vehicle that needs a little extra maintenance from time to time.

In STEPS TEN, ELEVEN, AND TWELVE you are finally on the road in a properly working machine. Yet you still have to operate the machine. You have to follow the rules of the road. Or at least try not to drive like a jerk. You have to make sure you complete that little bit of extra maintenance on the high mileage vehicle. And finally when you see the next sorry asshole that ignored his check engine light like you did, you help him push his car off to the safe side of the road and let him know that he can fix his broken machine.