I'm not doing too well right now.

As the title of this blog says: I'm not doing too well right now.

In January 2021 my (at the time) 91-year-old Grandma had a fall at her house, breaking her hip and 3 ribs. She's a tough lady, they really don't make them like her anymore. At her age, she spent 5 grueling hours crawling across her house in that condition to reach a phone and call for help. I know teenagers who would've given up after the first fall. She got up and fell 3-5 more times (according to the ambulance drivers). At the time my Father-in-Law was remote, working and so I did what any man worth his weight would do and took over the situation, calming my Wife and my Mother-in-law, and cleaning up the mess. Calling the other family members and navigating around that whole situation.

By now you all know what happened to me in August-Oct 2021 when I lost my job due to vaccine mandates- I'm not going to go over all of that now. But it left a wound I am still trying to mend.

Sadly, a few months ago she had another bad fall, and this time it left her with permanent brain damage. Leaving us with no choice but to navigate her into an assisted living facility, where she can have 24/7 support. This process sucks, if you've ever been through it you know what I mean. Forcefully moving her out of the house her late husband built with his own hands, and in her condition - her not even understanding why.  And before you criticize, we tried in own nurses, etc... but she needs 24/7 care, not 12-hour care. 

What makes this so much harder is the fact that I legally am not allowed in hospitals, nursing homes, healthcare settings, or government buildings. "High-risk areas". 

My Mother-In-Law tells me she keeps asking the staff for me, and doesn't understand why I haven't visited her. She calls my Wife and I crying about twice a week.

Around the same time this was happening the family dog died, and a couple of weeks after I tore two ligaments in my ankle, which feels like a first-world problem in comparison to everything else, but I am doing what I need to in order to rehabilitate that injury.

Shortly after this happened, now July 2022 I caught Bronchitis and, thanks to not being allowed in buildings the Government deem "high-risk settings", I could not get the proper treatment or diagnosis needed, which left me vomiting blood for a month and a half, and unable to do anything productive. Right as I began to feel better and focus more on my injured ankle again, I caught the flu. Just the normal flu to add to the pile.

Last Friday I get a call from my Mother-in-Law. My Father-in-law (who I am extremely close to) was rushed to an emergency clinic with "Chest Pains" they were about to turn him back home before he collapsed and an ambulance rushed him to the nearest hospital. Turns out the untrained staff at the emergency clinic (thanks to the mandates causing major job shortages in key roles like this, and the Government lowering the requirements to work these jobs so that they don't have to admit there's a problem) had hooked up the ECG wrong and because of that missed the giant blood clot in his heart. Minutes away from death he had emergency heart surgery. Now the man who assumed the fatherly role in my life when I was 12, took me into his home when I was homeless at 18, introduced me to martial arts and fitness, and inspired me to become the man I am today. That man can no longer walk to the end of his driveway. This event- this was the first time I'd felt "fear" in 20 years.

My life will never be the same as we (My Wife and I) now have to navigate this major change, our roles have changed, and it is now my time to take up that mantle and show him that I can take care of him the same way he's taken care of me up until now.

I visited him yesterday, now that he's discharged from hospital. It felt strange. I felt ashamed that I didn't visit him in hospital, even though we both know why I couldn't. When I returned home, at around 7 pm there was a trail of blood through my house. Turns out my 11-year-old male cat developed a Urinary Tract Infection, and sadly- having worked in a vet clinic until the mandates forced me out my dream profession- I know that Urinary Tract Infections in Male cats more often end in death than not. 

This resulted in a late-night trip to an emergency clinic so that we could drain his bladder before it burst, and get him the treatment he needed. A few hours later, and me spending the last of my savings on his treatment, even though my mortgage payment was due the next day, I returned home with him, and spend the rest of the early morning cleaning up the blood and urine scattered around my house, before laying in my bed and silently crying until the sun rose.

So much is happening all at once. My life has forever changed. Over the last 12 months, I've felt like I've been scaling a mountain only to reach the peak and find out that it is really a volcano on the verge of erupting. 
 

But, despite all of this, and how helpless I feel right now, I know that I'll be ok.