A Bookmark and a Promise Basket
“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” ~ Dolly Parton
Learning to cope, after a sexual assault, is hard and it takes time. The same can be said for grieving, when your husband, who was your best friend and your life partner, the one who helped you truly learn to cope, dies - even when you know that death is coming and think you are prepared. You’re not. There is never any way to prepare for that kind of soul shattering, gut wrenching, devastation. The same can be said for sexual assault. There is never any way to prepare.
Although these two experiences are completely different types of personal crises, each with their very own set of physical, emotional, and psychological trauma to deal with, they do share something in common: coping strategies.
In learning to cope and heal and grieve, and in learning to deal with the anxiety and PTSD, I sought counseling and group support. I learned to lean on friends and family, when needed. Self care, exercise, breathing techniques were also used, to varying degrees of success. There were times, when I tried journaling. Journaling wasn’t always easy, though, especially when the children were little and needed me. What I found to be most helpful was turning to my faith in God through music, reading the Bible, and prayer.
As I said, learning to cope and carrying on with life, while grieving, is hard and takes time. No matter how much I may have wanted to, I couldn’t rush the process. Some days, I could use those coping skills and muddle my way through, even though I was barely hanging on in the storm. Other days, I felt as though the storm had swept me away in the flood waters, and I was afraid I was going to drown; because, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find solid ground to plant my feet and stand on.
Those were the days, when I was drowning in sorrow. Or, maybe they were the days, when I was completely overwhelmed by it all. Occasionally, that desire to just curl up and hide from everyone and everything seemed to consume me, and all of the coping strategies in the world weren’t helping. I needed something real to hang on to and keep me going, in those moments. I needed an anchor in the storm, when I was all alone and desperate for the pain to end. I needed physical evidence that, one day, I could live a normal life and be happy, again.
That’s where two very special gifts came into play: a bookmark and a promise basket.
When I left home the first time, and headed off for college, a friend named David sent me a letter, in case I was feeling homesick or having a difficult time. I was. Inside the envelope, he enclosed a bookmark with my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 40:31, and a picture of a soaring eagle on it. Later on, when I was nearly strangled to death, a church friend, named Linda, gave me a basket of artificial flowers. She had written Bible verses on small strips of paper and rolled them up, then placed them between the flowers on the basket. The verses were promises God made to answer prayers, to provide comfort, and to bring peace and rest.
During those times, when I needed something real to hang onto, I would pull out that bookmark and that promise basket. Isaiah 40:31 would remind me that if I waited on the Lord, He would give me the strength I needed. I just had to be patient and keep waiting, as hard as it was. I could hold onto that promise basket and boldly claim those promises for myself, knowing with full confidence that my God always keeps his promises. Having those physical objects to hold, gave me something tangible that could remind me I had hope and I would get through those difficult days.So many times I have poured out my heart and my tears to God, while holding the bookmark or touching that promise basket.
That bookmark and promise basket have served another purpose, as well. When God gave me the promised strength, so that I could “mount up with wings as eagles”, so I could walk, and so I could run, I could look at that bookmark and praise God for his faithfulness. He might not have done everything on my timing, but His timing is perfect. When God answered the promises from the promise basket, I was able to rejoice and thank Him for all the many blessings he has given me.
Don’t get me wrong, though. Coping with the trauma of sexual assault and attempted murder, as well as grieving the loss of a spouse, is not a one time deal, and then you are done. I have learned that everything is cyclical. It’s all messy, and no two people’s experiences are the same. Just about the time you think you have things handled, something unexpected comes along to mess it all up and send you right back to square one, all over again. When that happens to me, I know to pull out the bookmark and the promise basket.
Words cannot even begin to describe what those two gifts have meant to me or to explain the role that they have played in helping me to survive, especially on my darkest days. David passed away a few years ago. Thankfully, I had the opportunity to tell him, to the best of my ability, just how much the bookmark has meant to me. One day, I hope to have the opportunity to thank Linda, as well.
The storms of life have raged all around me. The flood waters have threatened to carry me away and to drown me. The bookmark and promise basket have been the life vest that kept me afloat, while my tree roots were growing deeper.