handwavy 2: scripted conversations

In an earlier post, "handwavy" (07/25/2018) I described a mode of 'semi-engagement' which I have heard termed handwaving. In that post, I focused on how handwaving is used in (non-)explanations and in unhelpful self-talk. Here, I turn to how handwaving manifests itself among people that are supposed to be friends and family. 

How can we identify handwaving and how can we make sure not to do it ourselves?

The importance of prepositions

To talk with someone is very different from talking at someone or talking to someone [1].

What does talking at someone (or something) look like?

A walk in the park

A little game that I like to play in public places such as parks or busy streets is deliberately look away from the people and turn my attention to something else, for example the trees that line the road. I then listen to the conversations (and lack thereof) around me. Kind of like going fishing... for dialogue.

Sooner or later, I'll hear someone issuing some kind of command.

NO. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

Or, maybe, you'll hear someone expressing some good feelings.

I'm so happy to be here with you!

...or any of the many, many other things. What is essential for this little game is that you only hear one person speaking. You know there is some talking going on which involves at least one person...

Here, the fun starts. Before taking a look at who is talking, I make a little mental bet: is the person I hear talking to another human being or an animal (e.g. pet dog)?

If you try this little exercise yourself, you may be surprised at what sorts of things you observe.

Paragraphs and powerpoints

I was once given a little heuristic for making at least semi-decent slide show presentations. Use at least 18pt font. Or, better yet, use a larger font.

This heuristic reminds the presentation creator to keep slides concise and readable. Likewise, it encourages the presenter to not read off the slides (in paragraphs), but rather talk with the audience.

Presentations that feel scripted usually aren't very enjoyable.

Why sit through a boring presentation if reading a book, working through some exercises, or even skimming some notes could deliver the same information more efficiently and effectively? [2]

Presentations should make use of the advantages of face-to-face time rather than regarding the face-to-face aspect to be some kind of restricting protocol, or information transfer bottleneck. Through face-to-face interactions, we have better access to humor and emotions. Many avenues for making things memorable that are not available in static written texts are ready to be taken. Yet that is what many presenters seem to do, attempting to copy-pasta non-fiction books onto dimly projected screens.

Boring powerpoints presentations treat the audience as passive note-taking NPCs. I WILL SAY STUFF AND YOU MUST REMEMBER IT FOR THE TEST. 

Powerpoints with paragraphs are very often talking at sessions, directed at NPCs.

Yup. Sure. Got it. Kay.

Ever meet somebody that talks on and on and on and on and on, as if you weren't there and didn't have anything better to do?

This too is a form of talking at.

It took me a while to figure out just what this sort of "thing" was because I was raised on the idea that it is "polite to listen to people", etc. Well bucko (note to self), there are many people that are not polite speakers that value their listeners time. We don't have to guarantee every friendly-enough seeming person a captive audience because muh manners [3].

First, you can pay extra attention to whether or not they actually answer your questions. I've attended many lectures where I've asked questions, and basically got a "that's a good question" non-response. Calling something a good question but not giving much of an answer may be more polite than other alternatives, but its pretty NPC-like.

Another strategy is to troll a little bit and insert your own agenda to see if your agreeable interlocutor will tacitly agree to any number of things. Oftentimes people that are interested in getting through their script will just say "yuppity-yup-yup yah I agree" in order to continue moving their oral articulators. You can turn a boring one-way being-ranted-at into a platform for free market economics, for example.

An awake, active conversationalist would probably be either annoyed at your topic-jumping or amused at the humor some "off-topic" content might inject into a conversation. Relating unlike things is a fun way to be creative when done well. The scripted speaker however neither laughs at your jokes nor becomes particularly bothered when you say irrelevant things to what they are saying. The show goes on. The script must run to completion.

You can have your fun knowing how the script will run and exploiting  regularities. Its like trading stocks if you know exactly what the market would do.

A final strategy is to simply disengage and use your head space for whatever you want to do. Your absence of attention may not even be missed, and you might even get a "wow! that was a great conversation!" afterwards from the scripted speaker that has EXIT STATUS ZERO [4].

Bringing conversation back

If the person you are speaking to could be replaced by an inanimate object, such as a brick wall, a pet rock, or a volleyball, chances are you are doing something wrong (or at least sub-optimally).

Likewise, if you could be replaced by an inanimate object, such as a book, a tree, or a garden gnome, then something is probably not right.

People can be wonderful---more wonderful than inanimate objects. People can also be terrible, including terribly boring. Usually this happens when they are trying to replace either themselves or you with a non-human.

Don't be an NPC, have conversations. 

Notes and References

[1]: Translate this sentence into your favorite non-English language, lol. I believe English has more prepositions than average...

[2] More thoughts on lectures: "How do you lecture for two hours straight? (you don't)" (08/07/2018)

[3] Lots of people get being fed up, telling people they are boring, and/or walking away intuitively, but for me it took some time... maybe because of an agreeable-learning personality.

[4] Denotes success.