Awards Show Makeover, Sneak Peak!
//Originally written Dec 11, 2017 till on Medium till the censors locked my account//
After receiving a can of tuna in the mail and a note scribbled in crayon I was commissioned to write about the 2018 Emmy, Grammy, and Oscars (no one ever watched the Tony awards anyway). With the falling ratings of these award shows the presenters are desperate to bring back the viewers. In order to win back the audience, they will combine the three awards shows into a big televised extravaganza!
The 2018 (and beyond) EGO Awards will add new and exciting award categories, special acts, and even a death pit where has-been artists will battle for 15 minutes of fame for your amusement.
The expanded EGO Awards will include and expand to be inclusive of others in the entertainment industry such as: the political class, whiney oppressed millionaire sports entertainers, liberal comedians, left-stream-media presstitutes, and other personalities that make up the attention seeking class.
Political speeches will be under 10 minutes or presenters will be charged a CO² carbon tax.
So without further ado, I will present the new award categories:
Naturally, the first award that will be presented is the Narcissistic Award. It will be presented to the entertainer who puts themselves first above anything else. Such factors such as, but not limited to, who can take or pose for the most selfies, photo-bombs and/or use “I”, “me” and “my” the most times in a typical 5-day speech. Presenting this award for 2018 is Obama. He will be on stage until his t-t-t-teleprompter breaks.
This award is ah-ah-ah-about u-u-u-us
The Far, Far Away Award will give awards to the hero who ran the furthest away thanks to all the oppressive President Trump and the illegal 2016 election.
The plebs don’t decided who gets to be president, only the limo-left get to do that!
Whether the poor oppressed millionaire resides in Canada, Mexico or Jupiter it makes no difference as long as you can criticize from the safety of your phone, mansion, high fences (we don’t use the word wall) and armed guards. And nothing says bravery like being able to able to tweet your cause within minutes of a disaster. While extra points are given for a sad poopie face or being surrounded by children, points will be deducted for “muspsellings”. Those who tweet first, win first!
The next award will go to the most oppressed. The presenter, Elizabeth “Fauxahantus” Warren will forced to give away this particular away to those who can claim to be the most oppressed by the Patriarchy, or “The Man”. White males who are not “woke” need not apply. Only those who acknowledge their privilege can possibly obtain such a sad award.
The final award being pressed, and with good reason, is the Token Minority Award. The entertainment industry will finally acknowledge those who have worked hard in the fields and finally be allowed to stand in the room and share in the table scraps tossed to them by their betters with this award. By allowing “those” people to share the stage (1 minute tops) with others, proves that the Entertainment industry is NOT racist. After they accept the award, they will be allowed to return to the back of the bus, as not to disturb other their betters.
Award Shows - A night for when entertainers are not awarding their own so they can honor their own!
Other awards include: Best Smug Entertainer Award, Clueless SJW Award, Biggest Hypocrite Award, Newest Woke Award and the coveted Virtue Signal Award.
Conclusion: If you enjoy watching paint dry, can’t sleep due to insomnia or need to torture a confession out of a terrorist suspect the EGO Awards Show is for you! Now please return my kittens, I have met your demands and puffed up your idiot awards show. Although you can keep the second oldest, he’s kind of slow and eats too much.
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Dr. C. Cat (the one and only) is the first economic conservative cat blogger and fiction writer(just not right now). If you wish to donate to me, please send me: cash, credit card numbers, PayPal, gold, silver, semi-precious stones, money orders, Bitcoin or trade goods that can be used at a later date.