Argue Like a Liberal: How To Guide!

(originally written Dec 15, 2017 on Medium till those Liberal-shitbirds took down my account)

Put down your coloring book and crayons because it’s time to learn how to tweet, blog or fake-book like a liberal snowflake from the comfort of your safe space. All you need is this handy-dandy guide. So, turn off that puppy video it’s time to learn, don’t worry there are no triggering tests at the end! Just follow these 7 simple rules and you too can argue like a liberal!

RULE #1: GIGGLE GIRL

Giggle like a school girl who has just seen her first penis in a biology school book. Nothing drives your point home like a few: “haha’s”, “he he’s” or a “LOL” especially when you run out of facts to push or never had any to begin with.

RULE #2: Helen Lovejoy

Please, think of the children. When in doubt, bring up the fact this is for the children. Make sure you show pictures or even parade children around just right at the moment. Timing is everything. CAUTION: When using this tactic, be careful that members of the minions of the Patriarchy will bring up the hypocrisy of loving children and supporting abortion, worshiping Moloch and the pedo-class in Hollywood.

RULE #3: FACTS?

Facts can be confusing and numbers can be triggering. Words like: stupid, sad, moral obligation or pathetic or “it should be” used often. If you are called out and asked to use citations always use editorials, opinions columns and hearsay. They will be your best friend. CAUTION: If they do ask why you are using Buzzfeed, CNN, or Pravda Today, just remember the old sand by, “At least I don’t get my info from Fox!”

RULE #4: YOU’RE A RACIST!

When you want to sprint across the finish line, but you are 50 yards behind, character attack! You need to insult your way to a win! Use the words: -ist, -ism, Nazi, -phobic, pig, fascist, conservative, -istic, Russian, hate-filled, troll, white pointy hat wearing, Alt-Right, wife-beating, or any combination of the previous mentioned. CAUTION: If you call someone a racist and later found out they are of that race call them an “Uncle Tom”. Also in the case of the 2016 election, they might take ownership of the something and wear it as a badge of honor, i.e. “Deplorable”.

RULE#5: NO TRUE SCOTSMAN

None of our people would ever do that! Just because your favorite candidate got caught enabling her rapist husband for 30 years doesn’t mean she’s against women or something similar. If anyone tries to bring up any other facts to contradict your world view just called them a troll!

RULE #6: Grammar Nazi

Nothing shows off your intellectual ability on every subject by showing off your grammar and spellings skills to the world. Are you redy? Just cause he/she used valid verifiable primary sources that negate all of your premises, you can completely invalidate everything by pointing out the individual should of used “then” instead of “than”. There nothing but ignorant racists to your intellectual superiority!

BONUS SECTION: Can you spot the grammer/spulling errors on #6?

RULE #7: EMOTIONS WIN

Appeal to emotion. Who needs logic and reason when you can trigger the heartstrings of those in your echo chamber? Beta males, 3rd wave feminists and all minorities (not Uncle Toms) will swarm to your defense if trolls question your message, when you force your beliefs upon others.

Conclusion: “They” are terrible people and want to hurt things (such as the environment or others in the protected class). Just remember they are not like you, because they think different, and thinking different is wrong. If the Alt-Right or whoever tries to bring up relevant facts that completely dismiss your argument you are free to ignore them, block them, never bring the subject up again or move the goal posts and demand more evidence!

It takes little effort to sound like a whiny millennial, cucked beta male, overly protective liberal parent or angry 3rd wave feminist, but this How-to guide will help you with your battles against “The Patriarchy” or anyone who disagrees with you.

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Dr. C. Cat (the one and only) is the first economic conservative cat blogger and fiction writer(just not right now). If you wish to donate to me, please send me: cash, credit card numbers, PayPal, gold, silver, semi-precious stones, money orders, Bitcoin or trade goods that can be used at a later date.