Monday Jokes!

Sunbathing

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the porch without any pants on!

He goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realise that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes, Jimmy, I do."

Jimmy then says curiously, "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"

His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds wearily, "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt too long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."

Using correct language

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now see, you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.