Deaf Kids, Bullying and Home Problems

There's a reason I have an extreme distaste, almost venomous hatred for the Public Education System and strongly recommend homeschooling education for deaf and hard of hearing children.  I don't make any attempts at hiding this fact.  It's all due to my history growing up as a mainstreamed deaf vs other males also having very similar experiences.

First, let me explain something.  Deaf girls have a better time growing up than deaf boys do.  The psychological dynamic of female preference in human behavior is quite apparent to a deaf mainstreamed male.  Deaf boys will be picked on and bullied by both genders but deaf girls will mostly only be picked on by other girls.

This trend with female preferential treatment goes all throughout life as well with deaf females having lower unemployment rates to deaf males, and lower negative stats overall than deaf males.  So why do deaf women receive better treatment from deaf men?  Simplest answer is that men want to get their dicks wet.  This is true in the likes of high school as well.

Not saying that deaf girls don't get bullied going through school or growing up, but it's far less often and far less profound than that of a deaf male, who gets picked on by both boys and girls.

Now that the explanation of why I'm sticking with deaf males on this instance and dispelling the obvious myth of "Wah, women have it far worse", which is also been shown in several studies that deaf females do far better than deaf males being mainstreamed and to the reasons why, and yes feminists try to disclaim those studies as "Sexist".  Apparently facts and reality are sexist.  Let's get right onto the history.

Growing up before I started speech therapy and a few years in with speech therapy (it's a long process), I was regularly picked on by my peers, fully aware I was being called a retard.  The bullying got so severe in Middle School that I took my pair of scissors, the metal pointed kind we were allowed to have up to that point, and stabbed my biggest bully in the balls resulting in me being put in Juvi for a week before sent to a psychiatric hospital for 1.5 years.  I would've been in there less time if the shrink I was assigned at first for close to 8 months at the start didn't take my hearing aids away and require me to be fully participating with group sessions when I can't hear a damn thing.

Why did I stab that bully in the nuts?  He was regularly shoving me, tripping me, smacking me in the back of the head, all that crap, aside from also calling me a retard for the crime of being unable to hear teachers and thus struggling like hell in school. Even a lip reader can't do well when the teacher is speaking with his/her back turned to the class and no, teachers didn't give a shit, they claim they do though.

We were always told to speak up and speak out against bullying.  My peer's way of "speaking up against bullying?" by laughing and participating in it.  So I told my teachers and other school staff.  They did nothing.  Why?  My biggest bullies were peer mediators and "advocates against bullying so they wouldn't do that".  I even got detention for "lying" about my bullies being bullies towards to me.  They just saw they were peer mediators and in anti-bullying groups and thought because of that they could and would never do any wrong.

Instead of doing any investigations, instead of trying to resolve the issue, they punished me for thinking I was lying.  I learned real quick that I'd get no help from those that are meant to help me.  And I'd still see stuff like "If you see someone being bullied or are being bullied, tell a teacher!" which I'd just roll my eyes at because telling a teacher only results in me getting in trouble instead of anything being done about the bully.

This today is why I also think of all male feminists as being rapists and serial abusers of women, because my history showed me that abusers will hide in groups meant to not be abusive but rather be against abuse so they can go out and abuse others and have cover against accusations.  So I see some guy go up on a podium and go "I champion women's rights blah blah blah" and my first thought is "Yup, this dude is a rapist".  Hell even the PM of Canada turns out to be a sexual predator, so in other words "Called it!"

I was literally almost a school shooter due to the bullying I was receiving.  Biggest bully would shove me, smack me in the back of the head, trip me, etc and others would just laugh at it like it was some sort of sick joke that everyone was in on but me.  Boys and girls both laughed, nobody did anything to stop it, not even the teachers.  My peers were against me, the teachers were against me for telling on the golden children that could do no wrong because of the groups they were in and I was stuck being abused with no way out.

What prevented me from shooting up the school?  My step-dads guns were in a gun locker that I couldn't get into.  I was going to shoot my biggest bully first, then make sure I took out as many of my peers that were laughing at me being abused by him.  I was going to make them regret it.  And yes I was going to go after some teachers back then as well as other school staff for completely and miserably failing to help protect me by instead of choosing to protect the precious bully because he was a peer mediator and an anti-bullying advocate.

I was going to try and kill as many people as I possibly could.  I literally just snapped one day and endured the abuse just fuming that last day, got home, went to my bedroom and just continued to plot trying to plan everything out.

My parents got up, woke me and my brothers awake for school.  I got dressed, ate my breakfast (bowl of cereal, Captn Crunch) and when my brothers went out to catch their bus (My middle school had a bus just 10 minutes after theirs ran), I went into my parents room and tried to get into the gun locker to get a couple guns.  Then I tried looking frantically for the key and keeping watch on time.

Couldn't find a way to get into the gun locker, so I went outside at my regular time, defeated but not without additional planning.  I paced back and forth at my bus stop waiting for the bus, got to school and had my plan that if I couldn't take a lot of them out, I'll make my biggest bully a girl by stabbing him with my scissors and make it a point to show everyone to stop fucking with me and to just leave me the hell alone.

Now in my head at the time, I didn't think about getting in trouble for what I was going to do/did.  I had the fantasy scenario that I'd let the bully shove me, smack me, etc one more time and then it'd be self defence at that point and stabbing him up his crotch, everyone would agree that he as hurting me first and that he'd be carted to the hospital and then to jail and I'd go about my classes and everyone around me would stop teasing me, calling me retarded and stop picking on me in general.

Needless to say, yeah, I'm aware now that it was a fantasy scenario, but back then I was romanticizing the thought of everyone just backing off and leaving me the fuck alone after doing it, like the hero in stories that's bullied heavily, then stands up to his bully and everyone claps sort of scenario.

I was almost a school shooter, if I could've gotten into that gun locker, I would've been one and been seen all over the news, but I am the reason your school scissors went from being allowed to being metal blades to cheap plastic with rounded edges.  School system didn't want to fix the problem but instead just remove the item the one with the problem used.  It wasn't the scissors that caused me to stab my bully in the nuts, just like it's not guns that's causing school shooters to shoot up their schools.

Every time I see a school shooting on the news, my first thought it always, "Yet another victim of bullying snapped yet again and nobody helped him until it was far too late." and what do people around me say? "Oh no, you got to ban guns to stop this from happening in the future"  no it won't, the weapon will just change.  I couldn't get a gun, so I went stabbing with scissors.  "Oh well he was just a crazy person who needed seriously help from a shrink" maybe so, and so did I, to get over the amount of torment I endured from being bullied, just like them.

I was bullied heavily in school, and I didn't get any breaks once getting home either.  My two older brothers would regularly pick on me as well, so I had absolutely no escape from being picked on, not at school and not at home, it just kept going and going and going and going.  My childhood with bullying alone was a living hell.

Fast forward some years, my mom remarries to a man that's an alcoholic in denial claiming to be a social drinker.  Watching TV alone and getting hammered on whiskey on a nightly basis isn't a social drinker, that's an alcoholic.  This man didn't believe deafness was real, would punish me for "not listening" and the like, breaks my hearing aids "because they're not needed, just listen and pay attention".

Aside from him literally raping me when I was young as a form of punishment, my mother didn't believe me when I told her about it, she thought I was just trying to "get back at him" because I "just don't like him".  So that went on for a couple more years.  And the one that saved me from my step father's abuse?  None other than a fucking goth chick and a couple of her friends.  They saw bruises on me that my mother seemed completely blind to "Oh you're just doing that to yourself" Mom would tell me at the time.  "I've never seen him lay a single hand on you."

Yeah Ma, you're sweet husband was a child abusing, alcoholic kiddy fucker.  But a goth chick noticed the bruising and told school officials about it, then the government finally got involved and it finally sank in that my step father was at least hitting me like I said he was, so instead of having his English ass deported back to the UK for being a child abuser and sexual predator, she stays married to the guy leaving him in the home with her and my brothers while I'm sent off to live with my dad.

Life was better living with him and my step mother.  My mother was also a mainstreamed deaf herself, which I find odd these days that she would've married a man that didn't believe deafness existed.

With my dad, we lived in a very small town called Globe in Arizona and it was just him, me and my step mother.  I went to Globe High School with a small student body population from Globe, Miami and San Carlos.  None of the students picked on me there and being on the school journalism team, I got quite well known.

The jocks didn't bother me, the preppy cheerleader type didn't bother me, the goths I ended up hanging out with the most which shocked them "OMG a popular guy wants to hang out with us? Dafuq?"  The way I saw it, I was a major reject growing up, picked on by my peers and family and tormented and abused by a step father.  It was rejects that helped save me.  Didn't matter that I was well known in the school and ended up somewhat popular, I preferred the company of people who didn't quite fit in.  As the deaf kid, I didn't quite fit in either.

The hell that was my childhood growing up, could've been avoided under two conditions.

1) If I were homeschooled or sent to a private/charter school that had an adapted environment for my disability
2)  If my mother didn't end up leaving my dad and kept him around.

Other things that could've helped was getting my two brothers to stop picking on me relentlessly because I got enough of it at school or to have just sent me to live with my dad at a much earlier age.  I recall my mom telling me that she wanted to keep us because she got child support payments coming in.

Seemed like I was just a paycheck to her and only was willing to give me up and that money the moment I became a problem for her specifically, i.e. her husband and extra paycheck getting in trouble for abusing me.  Then and only then did she seem to think it'd be a wise idea to send me to live with my dad.

Found out my dad has been trying to fight for custody of me specifically since I was 7 and he finally got me when I was 16 because I became too much hassle for my mom due to her husband's abuse that she refused to believe.

It was later revealed to her that her husband, who she still has in the fucking house, also sexually abused my other two brothers.

It still bothers the ever living hell out of me that my life would've been so much better had my mom just given me up to my dad when he tried getting access to me.  His intent was to put me in a charter school for the deaf and blind, have me learn ASL while learning ASL himself, from his wife (my step mother still).

My mother prevented me from having an adapted environment, a proper education and was the cause of the hell I went through because being a mainstreamed deaf herself, it worked for her, so surely it'd work for her youngest son too right?  FUCKING WRONG!

So there's this article https://southcoastsun.co.za/71730/stop-bullying-or-being-bullied/ about bullying.  Let's see what warning signs I had that everyone just became completely oblivious too.

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From the article below.

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Some signs that may point to a bullying problem are:

Unexplainable injuries.

Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry.

Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness.

Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Children may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.

Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares.

Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school.

Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations.

Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem.

Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide.

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So, what were my signs?  Minor bruising, forced hair cuts, faked being sick all the time to try getting away so I can stay home without my brothers so I could have some peace alone, I overate to the point that I became very fat which I still struggle with as an eating disorder, was considered just "anti-social" because I didn't want to be around anyone and just wanted to be alone, cutting and suicide attempts.

So I had the warning signs growing up, and nobody gave a fuck.