Common Deafness Related Questions and Answers
I figured the best way to start with this rebranding via a new channel is to simply write one of the first things that comes to mind, which is a lot of common questions, misunderstandings and myths about deaf people and some stuff we're kinda sick of already.
Q: Why do some deaf people sound funny/retarded/stupid/weird?
A: Some deaf people never learned to properly enunciate, those of us that can, like myself and many others, can speak very well due to years of speech therapy.
Q: Do hearing aids make your hearing perfect? Why do you wear them?
A: No, they don't make my hearing perfect nor even close to normal. They do help a lot in me catching some of the stuff I miss and makes it easier for me to hear what I do normally hear.
Q: Does being deaf mean you live in complete silence?
A: No. Deafness means you have little to no hearing. Some of us have residual hearing. I have residual hearing. Women and children and high pitched noises I can't hear, and yes a violin is also silent. I can hear men to an extent in that they sound like faint vowels but I do have some hearing.
Q: Why don't you get a cochlear implant?
A: I can barely handle the world with the little bit of help I get from hearing aids, I'd most likely end up just like so many other deaf people that get the CI as an adult, in that they just stop changing the batteries and bask in deafness.
Q: You don't look deaf.
A: Ok, it's not a question, but it's an annoyance. I know this comes from Movies and TV Shows with a hearing person going deaf overnight and they have a perpetually lost and confused look on their face. There's no real way to "look deaf" without having a neon sign around my neck that reads "Deaf".
Q: Is sign language a universal language?
A: Not at all, there are over 300 sign languages from around the world. In America alone there's ASL, PSE and SEE. There's BSL in the UK and Auslan in Australia. Granted a deaf person that can sign will have a better time getting around in a completely foreign country and culture than a hearing person, but that's largely due to being accustomed to already trying to communicate in ways that don't involve sound.
Q: Can you give me a sign name?
A: Not to sound like a dick, but no. The only reason I shorten CryptoDeaf to CD is because it's for convenience, typically I spell out whole names myself when signing.
Q: How do you enjoy music?
A: I have a conduction headset that helps me hear what I can't hear a little better, but again no perfect. The stuff I can't hear I generally feel by it tickling my ears. Otherwise I'd simply feel the music in my feet or place my hand on the speaker.
Q: So you're a lip reader? How accurate is that?
A: Yes, I'm a lip reader, and without residual hearing, it's not very accurate at all. Example is "I love you" is also "Elephant Shoes". I have to interpret what you're most likely saying and get the big picture rather than every little detail.
Q: Do deaf people have sex?
A: Yes, my ears have no relation to how well my junk works.
Q: Ok so how would your partner let you know they're going to "Finish" sexually?
A: Gentle taps on the top of the head or on the side is generally how that warning is done. We say "A couple gentle taps" but it generally becomes rapid fire tapping.
Q: I have a kid and he/she is deaf or likely to be deaf, what's best for the kid?
A: Homeschooling. Charter schools for the deaf and blind will teach the kid to be a stuck up brat and public school will bully the child into depression, isolation and possibly suicide attempts.
Q: What is your biggest pet peeve about the deaf community?
A: Deaf people that are fully well able to speak verbally (with their voice) but simply choose not to because of deaf culture. It's one of my pet peeves because they can speak but choose not to, thusly resulting in them making life much harder on themselves. My other pet peeve are those I call "Deafer than Thou" who are just stuck up snobs who grew up in a privileged life of being raised in an adapted environment instead of being mainstreamed in public school and a world in general designed by and for the hearing.
Q: Is Hearing and Heard offensive? Should I avoid using those words?
A: Not offensive at all, please, by all means, use them accordingly, we get it. We even have signs for those words. I'm not kidding, it's not offensive.
Q: It's nothing, it's not important, nevermind
A: If we ask you to repeat yourself, please don't say these things, they're rather hurtful. Makes us feel like we're unimportant, uncared for, unloved, etc enough to not be worth your time to allow us to understand what you want to say. We really want to know, it's just harder for us.
Q: Can I write things down instead of repeating myself?
A: Yes, it's OK to do that, it's actually a very good idea. So please, do so. How very thoughtful of you. :)
Q: Do you know XYZ person? They're deaf too.
A: No, you'd be amazed how few deaf people I actually know. I know some people think we deaf people are in constant search for other deaf people, but when I see a couple deaf people signing out in public, I just walk on by them and act completely like I can hear everything with super power hearing and hope they don't notice that I'm trying to be invisible to them.
Q: How can you hear?
A: It varies, some of us can hear some, some of us can't hear at all.
Q: How do you manage to drive?
A: I don't personally due to a neurological disorder, it's unsafe for me to drive. But that has nothing to do with my deafness. Regular deaf folk can still drive because we have eyes and have grown accustomed to paying attention to our peripheral vision.
Q: How will you know if you're being pulled over by a cop then?
A: Rearview Mirror, we check them regularly.
Q: Do you need braille?
A: I've had a server at a restaurant ask me this as well as a nurse at a hospital asking if I needed discharge papers in braille. Braille is for the blind, I can see, I just have a lot of trouble with hearing. If you're not sure why a nurse asking this is terrifying, let it sink in a moment.
Q: Do I need to speak slower?
A: No, talk normally please, when you intentionally speak slower, your lip movements are distorted so I get no message at all. At least not the intended message. I had one person try to mouth something to me slowly and he ended up saying "Underaged boys I fuck tutu laser sprinkles" when he intended to say "This dude is creepy as a mother fucker let's go".
Q: How do you swear in sign language?
This is how you say "Fuck you"Q: How can XYZ be deaf? They wear hearing aids!
A: I'm not going to dignify this with an answer since I've answered it above.
Q: When someone yawns, do you think they're yelling?
A: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH no not really, but it does look similar, however not exact. You can kinda tell a yawn from a scream.
Q: Look, I can sign my name!
A: Congrats! I don't really care but congrats. Learn the alphabet and fingerspell to me, it's slower and more cumbersome, but you'll at least impress me.
Q: *Person calls over the phone* Hi, can I speak with Glenn?
A: No, you can't, he's deaf. *Person over the phone insists they'll just speak louder* No you can't, he's still deaf.
Q: You're bilingual? Sign language isn't a real language though!
A: Sorry I nearly killed myself facepalming, that's how stupid that is.
Q: I wish I knew sign language!
A: Then learn it. Lifeprint.com go, do it. Don't wait up.
Q: Where are you from? I love you accent.
A: Even I get this one. Sometimes people think I'm from the UK when that's not the case at all, not sure why, I suppose it's due to the RP accent they teach you to use in speech therapy.
Q: How do you deal with servers at places?
A: I usually tell them I'm deaf, however that doesn't always work out well. Usually they speak to me and just make sure they have my attention first. Sometimes, though, they're a rude cunt that prefers to speak to my husband instead to take care of serving me like asking if I need a refill and the like. Needless to say, I always tip, but when they're rude like that I give them $0.01 for being an asshole.
Q: Who do I speak to, the interpreter?
A: You speak to me.
Q: Wait if you're deaf how come you can talk to XYZ over the phone?
A: I've known that person for an exceptionally long period of time and know their speech patterns well enough to interpret the various vowels I catch. I can't do this for everyone. If I don't know you, I can't interpret your speech pattern. Usually these people are my husband, my mother, brothers, that sort of thing.
Q: Do you really need closed captioning?
A: Do you really need audio? **Mute**
Q: What is your biggest pet peeve about the hearing?
A: Walls of noise. I especially hate going to a restaurant somewhere only to find out that I have to turn my hearing aids off and leave them in to hopefully have a better chance at muffling the wall of bullshit hurling my way.
Easiest way to describe this is a rant I suppose. Turn the fucking music or TV off. If we're to have a conversation that demands extreme attention from me, kindly turn off the loud noises in the environment. I have a hard enough time in a car with circulating air, car engine noises, heavy footsteps, microwave beeps, etc. I can't filter out background noise like you can. I also can't pick your voice out of a sea of voices in a crowded environment so if I'm quiet, I'm not ignoring you, I just cannot tell what you're saying.
When you want to talk to me, face me, don't walk around all over the god damn place. I'm tired of having to walk up to someone and go "What?" because they can't stop moving for 5 god damn seconds.
What I can’t hear is not your entertainment. Don’t tease me, don’t test me, and don’t harass me about the things I can’t hear. It’s not my fault that my brain and my ears don’t register certain sounds that are so easily heard by others. It’s hard enough having to manage knowing I miss a large percentage of what goes on around me, but I don’t need you making me feel guilty or embarrassed. Also, whistling behind me or making little noises to see if I’ll pick up on them? That’s just a dick move. Don’t be an asshole.