Monday Jokes, French Style!

French life

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However he only got to Avenues away when his van ran out of gas.



When asked how he could have masterminded such a crime and made such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings! I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I wrote this because I figured I had nothing Toulouse."

Petit Dejeuner


A French man is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Frenchman ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.



American: "You French folk eat the whole bread?" 


Frenchman (in a bad mood): "Of Course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to France."

The American has a smirk on his face. The Frenchman listens in silence.

The American insists: "D'ye eat jelly with the bread?" 


Frenchman: "Of course."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all peel, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France."

The Frenchman then asks: "And what do you do with condoms once you've used them?" 


American: "We throw them away, of course."

Frenchman: "We don't. In France, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America!"