Monday Jokes!

Maintaining the Romance

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.



She said, "you used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.



A few moments later she said, "then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.



"To get my teeth!"

THE DENTIST


A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before.

"Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job on your teeth?"



"Well, I was on the course yesterday when a fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said. "The ball must have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the groin. That was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

Forgiving enemies

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent.



Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. 

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"



"I don't have any."



"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"



"Ninety three."



"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."



The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said,
"It's easy, I just outlived all those losers!"