Wednesday Jokes!

Unkind neighbour

In court that day the judge says to the double murder suspect, You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.

A voice from the back of the court shouted, you bas***d

.

The judge then said, You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with the hammer.

The voice from the back again shouted, you bas***d



Annoyed, the judge stopped the case and says to the guy at the back of the court, Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but anymore outbursts from you and i will charge you with contempt of court. Is that understood?



The guy at the back stood up and said, Im sorry, your honour, I am angry because for 15 years Ive lived next door to that bas***d, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he didnt have one!"

Taking the blame

A ninety-two year old priest was admired and respected by everyone in town. When he appeared on the streets people would bow low, such was the man's reputation for holiness. He was also a member of the rotary club. Every time the club met he would be there, always on time and always seated in his favourite spot in the corner of the room.



One day the priest disappeared. It was as if he had vanished into thin air because, search as they might, the townsfolk could find no trace of him. The following month, however, when the rotary club met, there he was as usual, sitting in his corner.

"But, Father," everyone cried, "where have you been?
"

In prison," he calmly replied.


"In prison? For heaven's sake, you couldn't hurt a fly. What happened?"



"It's a long story," the priest replied, "but briefly, this is what happened. I bought myself a train ticket to the city and was waiting on the platform for the train when this stunningly beautiful girl appears on the arm of a policeman. She looks me over, turns to the cop, and says 'He did it.' And to tell you the truth, I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty."