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The Cinema-Going Garbage Man Reviews: Solo: A Star Wars Story

TheGarbageManMay 30, 2018, 10:23:23 AM
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"MORE MONEY, PLEASE" - A Bunch of White Slavers



I have a confession to make. 

I thought that Rogue One: A Star Wars Story was a great film. 

Not just a good Star Wars movie, but a great film in its own right. Sure, it’s formulaic as all hell, but so was the original Star Wars: A New Hope. They both have that pulp Sci-fi feel to them, like they are just delicate slices of a larger epic involving planets, galaxies, and the warring factions within.

I was fairly optimistic about seeing Solo: A Star Wars Story, even after watching Red Letter Media’s prediction, which was probably the funniest fucking commentary of last year. 

I heard about all the behind the scenes shit that went down, and I knew it was a bad idea to begin with, trying to bring Han Solo to the big screen without Harrison Ford playing the titular character. Instead, Ford seems to be too busy roleplaying as Howard Hughes these day.

So they got some other young buck to play Solo. That’s okay, Ford is old as fuck anyways. It was nice to see him hopping around in Star Wars: The Force Awakened, but enough is enough. No more CG dead people, please, which this film thankfully avoids.

Alden Ehrenreich does a good job as Han. He has charm, he has the smirk, he has that same sort of cockiness, just not as refined as Harrison’s portrayal, something that should be given to this young bucks acting chops.

This movie addresses this very meme.


Emilia Clarke is perfect as a double-crossing love interest, mostly because her facial ticks are already confusing as hell. She was so God-awful in that Terminator: Genisys, that you almost forgive her for giving this character some weight. That is until she makes a reference to Teras Kasi fighting style, a reference that should make any Star Wars fan groan.

The love story between her and Han is… Interesting. 

Reminds me of Tristan and Isolde, though that might be taking the comparison too far. 

The action is good, the humor is a bit goofy, but it feels a hell of lot better than Star Wars h8te. I laughed watching this, and I didn’t feel bad about it. I mean, it’s a Ron Howard joint, so it has to have some light-hearted humor. And his brother, Clint.

Still picking on your little brother... Andy Griffith would be ashamed...


I don’t really understand why Han’s dice have been given so much weight as of late, but they are in this film more than a couple times. Maybe they wanted Star Wars h8te to have so more weight in those scenes with Luke and Leia, but they felt a little-tacked on too much. Maybe a quick tap on them at the beginning and the end would have been nice, but they just felt like they have way more meaning than they ever have until the past six months.

There is two cameos that are nice. 

Made me grin and made me cringe, but it’s nice that they’re canonizing expanded universe shit.

Woody Harrelson is entertaining as the wise smuggler mentor, as should be expected from Woody. He just makes everything better, a big reason why this movie does well in its execution.

And that colored feller, Donald Glover… He does well as Lando. He’s been kind of an over-acting asshat as of late, so it was nice to see him calmly portray cool-hand Lando as we’ve come to expect, in that Billy Dee Williams-way.

It could always be worse.


Rating: 3 Garbage Cans out of 4. This rating won’t make me any friends, but I already don’t have any, so buttfuck it. I liked this movie. It has humor, epic space action, and, most importantly, heart. It’s like the captain Planet of movies.

I enjoyed the story, and I have no problem with it being amongst the Star Wars movie catalogue. Though, I am a fan of the prequels, so maybe my judgement doesn’t mean shit. But that is a debate for another day.

I recommend Solo: A Star Wars Story for fans of Sci-fi, heist films, and even Star Wars fans themselves. Common y’all, this was way better than Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

And Han shot first, ending the debate once and forever.

This was the Cinema-Going Garbage Man. Please exit to the right.

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