Death and Rebirth in a lifetime (Part 1)

I remember it happened so quickly .

Fit, healthy and full of life, then suddenly fighting for my life.

Doctor after doctor, test after test.

No diagnosis, simply chronic fatigue. $70,000.00 spent for no cure, only to be told we can't help.

20 kilos falling off an already slim built frame.

I was in trouble to survive .

I turned to alternative medicine with no improvement. Cleanse after cleanse. Herb after herb. Acupuncture , vitamins , miracle cures to no avail. The onset of depression, anxiety, what felt like electrical jolts running through my body. The constant pain.

The sudden death of my father, and the departure of my partner and children , through resentment of my sudden fall from grace at being a companion and a father.

All too much to cope with.

Diagnosed cancerous cells throughout my blood

Feeling alone, abandoned, no one cares.

Depression taking me into fits of psychosis and schizophrenia.

I had bunkered down in my empty home, working to save my life. Nothing else mattered. The constant pain day after day,  month after month. The only visitor, my beautiful caring mother, bringing food.

3 years had passed and I was searching for a miracle. I was determined not to seek anymore help from the medical world as I would have been institutionalised.

All prescriptions were torn up and to that day I had not consumed any pills or medicine. I had decided that I would die fighting .

Searching the internet for my disease, I was diagnosing myself with a new disease every week. 70% symptomatic and I was sold. I had it.

5 years had passed, so quickly. Time became irrelevant, life was non existing. I was breaking further and further down if that was possible.

I was weeping day after day, so much pain. I was thinking how inhumane life was to allow a human being to live with this much pain.

I surrendered.

I have no more fight ."Do with me what you choose "

That night I passed over(can't stop crying as I write this).

More to follow