TODAY'S JOKES

For those who take life far too seriously!

1. A day without sunshine is like...night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers

3. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

4. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

5. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

6. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

9. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

10. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

11. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

12. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have the film.

13. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

14. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

15. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

16. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You don't know Jack Schitt? Well you do now!!

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married her cousin Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chick N. Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" you can happily correct them. :o)