TODAY's JOKES

The Dangerous Wife.....

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me 
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to 
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something
 more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her 
point.


When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
 busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
 silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only
 a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,
"When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the 
driveway."


The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

That's how the fight started!

The Unreasonable Mother-in-law


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
 Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.


When she asked me why, I replied, 
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's when the fight started...



The Humour-less Wife 


I took my wife to a restaurant.
 The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."


He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"


"Nah, she can order for herself."


And that's when the fight started...



The Mis-informed Wife 


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and 
she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at 
a nearby table

.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"


"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after 
we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober
since."


"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that 
long?"


And that's when the fight started...