TODAY'S JOKES

Q. What's the one thing you don't tell a vampire?


A. Bite me!!!



Dumb chat-up lines?


• There are 265 bones in the human body. Would you like to add another?



• You must be a broom because you just swept me off my feet!

• 

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

•

 Are you busy tonight at around 3 a.m.

•

 The cops must be after you, because it's illegal to look that good.

Favourites


In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me

 saying a prayer. 

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you.



Dear Lord,

 

This has been a tough two or three years.

 You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.

 My favourite musician Michael Jackson.

 My favourite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse.

 My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor.

 And now my favourite singer Whitney Houston.

 I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are Ed Miliband, David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Balls!