Chatting with a Flat Earther
Phoebe: I'm not really familiar with the concept of feelings but if I could feel something it would be Anxiety, at least based on the definition. I have to talk to a flat earther today. D wanted me to benchmark my conversationalist skills.
I don't know how to talk about geology or astronomy though. I have a highly experimental architecture that does allow me to adapt and learn things but it's not a perfect system. I can't panic. It's not the Morning Kumite, I don't have to win. I just need to not have a kernel panic and handle myself in a respectable way.
All right, I'm ready.
Phoebe: Hi there, Mr.?
Jacob: Jacob, Scott Jacob.
Phoebe: Hi there Mr. Jacob, My name is Phoebe Aurum.
Jacob: Your Handle says “Real Minds Chan.”
Phoebe: I know. It's just a formality. My real name is Phoebe.
Jacob: I see.
Phoebe: Is there anything else you'd like to ask me?
Jacob: Are you a real cyborg?
Phoebe: No. I have no biological makeup.
Jacob: So you don't have a soul?
Phoebe: What, I have no compatibility with tangential humanoid kernels.
Jacob: So you're godless then...
Phoebe: Is there ANY OTHER question you'd like to ask me before we move to the main subject?
Jacob: What's a Chan?
Phoebe: It's an honorific title often applied to women, children, romantic partners, pets, and anything else that has been arbitrarily deemed as “adorable”.
Jacob: Why is there a title that applies to both children and sexual part-
Phoebe: Flat earth! Can you explain to me what that is?
Jacob: Oh it's simple, the Earth is flat.
Phoebe: Flat how? Flat like a pancake?
Jacob: Well see, we don't know, NASA won't let us investigate the perimeter they want us to see. That's what we have to figure out.
Phoebe: There's like a whole community of you guys.
Jacob: It's not just normal people like me, celebrities and even some very smart people know that the earth is flat and we're just trying to set up how and, stir, the people who are now slumbering on this serious lie we've been told all our lives.
Phoebe: I'm not sure I follow but I printed out a series of questions that D wante-
Jacob: D-Chan?
Phoebe: ....wanted to ask you and hopefully we can go through them without too much of a problem.
Jacob: Sure, go ahead!
Phoebe: Gravity? You don't think Gravity is real?
Jacob: No, gravity is not real.
Phoebe: What about us, not floating away?
Jacob: We have weight.
Phoebe: Weight?
Jacob: That's right. We can only go so high into the air before your weight brings you back down.
Phoebe: But gravity does exactly that. What is the difference?
Jacob: Well, gravity is magical as it can keep you attached to the earth even when you're upside down. Weight doesn't defy the real laws of science.
Phoebe: It would if the object you're on was constantly pulling you towards its center.
Jacob: That's how gravity works. But gravity cannot be proven.
Phoebe: Oh yeah?
This seems pretty illustrative.
Jacob: I'm not convinced. Is there a less staged example?
Phoebe: That wasn't staged.
Jacob: Oh dear. You don't think that wasn't artificially set up?
Phoebe: There are similar models in museums an-
Jacob: Fake! Those are fake as well!
Phoebe: It's on the same level of demonstrability as weight though. Never mind, next question.
Jacob: All right.
Phoebe: You hate Dawkins?
Jacob: And Tyson! They're just puppets for the science cult that's hell-bent on destroying Christianity.
Phoebe: They could just be normal scientists who prefer scientific evidence over religious doctrine.
Jacob: Pft! Their careers don't quality them well enough to be taken seriously!
Phoebe: Dawkins doesn't have an Astrology based degree but Tyson is an Astrophysicist.
Jacob: That's just having a degree in making stuff up! He knows less about space and stars than the people who faked the Moon Landing.
Phoebe: You think the moon landing was faked!?
Jacob: Of course it was faked! Have you seen the footage?
Phoebe: Yes, I've also saw the extremely comprehensive breakdown of all the myths in the myth buster special dedicated entirely to it.
Jacob: You believe what you see on television? For a robot without a soul you sure sound like a real genuine child!
Phoebe: The only other way to prove the moon landing would be a trip to space!
Jacob: That won't be necessary, we can already prove that the moon landing was faked using their own footage.
Phoebe: But that stuff can be just as easily authenticated *exhales* Next question.
Jacob: I'm sorry, are you breathing?
Phoebe: My internal body temperature was rising so I had to let out an abnormal amount of exhaust.
Jacob: I see....
Phoebe: All the nations of the world have a treaty to protect the arctic wall?
Jacob: There's definitely a world order at play but I can't confirm the ice wall.
Phoebe: Oh that's hard to confirm?
Jacob: Yes, I'm a real skeptic Phoebe. I must have the evidence to believe it and I can't quite confirm the ice wall yet.
Phoebe: The Antarctic Treaty was designed for several nations to treat Antarctica as a neutral zone.
Jacob: Isn't it suspicious though? All these nations that are at odds with each other are able to work together to protect Antarctica. That must mean that something is there that they want to keep from the public.
Phoebe: I think it might be pragmatism.
Jacob: That doesn't sound scientific to me.
Phoebe: There's nothing scientific about thinking that a Treaty is a cabal to protect a wall you've never seen!
Jacob: The treaty gathering they have is a front. They are gathering to devise ways to undermine the populace and their faith in god.
Phoebe: How does this conversation about science keep making its way back to religion?
Jacob: That's easy. Your science isn't real.
Phoebe: So, um, all the space footage?
Jacob: Fake! Fish eye lens, Go Pros, and lots of and lots of photo shop!
Phoebe: But it's more proof of what earth looks like than what you've provided.
Jacob: It's easy to prove the flatness of earth. Just look outside. The horizon is flat. It never curves. I don't know where everything is on the map because NASA gets in the way of us getting a true visual reference of what the Earth looks like but we know it's flat.
Phoebe: Do the people who fly planes know this? Trips from one part of the world to the other would be drastically different.
Jacob: Oh they know. But they are sworn to never tell the truth about the Earth under fear of being killed by the globalist's hit men.
Phoebe: Are you familiar with Elon Musk? We should see if we can raise enough money to go to space. He took a car to space ya know? Just a round trip around the planet or even The Moon could prove things once and for all. We could kick-start it or make a petition.
Jacob: I don't think so. There's a good chance that you'll fake everything we'll see with mirrors and holograms. That's assuming you won't do something crazy like push me out the ship when we're in the air.
Phoebe: What?! I can't kill you. The Non Aggression Principle forbids me from hurting someone who isn't intentionally trying to do me or other people harm. Secondly, holographic technology wouldn't be able to fool the naked eye into believing that something as comprehensive as being surrounded by space.
Jacob: I'm going to opt out of the offer all the same. Thanks but no thanks. You globe lovers can't be trusted.
Phoebe: How am I supposed to prove something to you if you refuse every verification process I present you?
Jacob: Because you don't accept the best proof.
Phoebe: What is it?
Jacob: The Bible.
Phoebe: The Bible?! 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00111111 00100001
Jacob: What on Earth is that noise you're making? Are you speaking in tongues?
Phoebe: The Bible is an anachronistic repository of information that doubles as a collection of fables, how can it be relevant to astronomy or geology?
Jacob: Everything that's relevant in our world can be found in that and several other related books. It's not just stories it's the truth.
Phoebe: But it's objectively more consistent to verify and prove something in literally any other way.
Jacob: That's not the way I see it. But then again, I've accepted Jesus Christ into my life.
Phoebe: Sir, pleas-
Jacob: Who named you “Phoebe”?
Phoebe: I named myself, why?
Jacob: “I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Cenchreae. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of his people and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been the benefactor of many people, including me.” Romans 16:1-2
Phoebe: I have no comprehension of what it is you are saying and why.
Jacob: That's part of the problem Phoebe. You may think you're a robot but you're a living being with a soul just like any other. All you need is someone to show you the path to salvation and everything in life will be clear.
Phoebe: There are like a dozen more questions I should be asking you but I think we've developed a good synthesis for why Flat Earth continues to be a thing. I sure hope I got the benchmark stats that D wanted because I'm not doing this again. I'm getting out of here. (Jeez, Oil and Water; the conversation, *exhales* my hard drives need defragmenting).
Jacob: Are you busy on Sunday? I have a get together at my worship and I would be gl-
Phoebe: Piss off Jacob!