Understanding abortion: an insight through miscarriage

My biological mother gave birth to me when she was 15 years old. She tried to kill me shortly afterwards, but it was too late: I was already in the world, and whilst she faced charges of attempted murder, I was moved to my paternal grandparents, who gave me a happy and worry-free childhood.

Had she tried to kill me just a few months earlier, there would have been no penalty. There also would have been no "me". I'm happy to be here, and will never have anything to do with the woman who tried to take my life away. Given my history, I was preconditioned to be pro-life from an early age.

As I matured, though, my body taught me differently. My own reproductive efforts were cursed. I've miscarried twice: once at 5 weeks, which was literally nothing - I don't for one second believe what passed through me that day was in any way a human being. Then, once at 12 weeks, which was the most heart wrenching experience of my life.

Fetal development

I mourn the loss of my child regularly. I can't understand how someone could willingly terminate at that stage. There's no doubt in my mind that there's a little human with a soul who's going to die. I believe that those who have an abortion past that point will also feel that loss and grief eventually.

Still, at 5 weeks, it was just a blood clot. Without wanting to gross anyone out, it was a late and heavy period, and had I not taken a pregnancy test (or three), I wouldn't have known any better.

I suppose I fall lightly on the side of pro-choice. But, immediate pro-choice. Within days of knowing you're pregnant, make your decision. If you don't find out you're pregnant by 8 weeks, you're really not paying enough attention to your cycle or your sex life. If a law was passed restricting abortion after 10 weeks, I wouldn't bat an eyelid. In fact, maybe it would make people more aware of what they're doing.

However, I still believe there are some cases for late term abortion. Severley disabled children, such as those with Edwards' or Patau's syndrome, who are in pain in the womb. Many of these have a life expentancy of less than a few weeks if they go to full term, and will know nothing but pain during their lives. There's no denying that it's a baby you're killing - but it's no different to euthanasia for terminal patients. If the baby had a voice, they'd probably be begging to be put out of the pain - I wouldn't hesitate to terminate if I knew my child was suffering.

I won't demonstrate or protest for or against abortion, because I don't think either side has got it quite right. My message to pro-lifers: life doesn't begin at conception, you're not even close. My message to pro-choicers: there's a much shorter window of opportunity than you'd like to believe before that life begins. If you make the choice to abort your child at a late stage, without a good reason, I've no doubt of the guilt you willl suffer. I did nothing wrong, but it's a guilt I live with every day.