First Steps in Conversation : Civility

Previously, we established humility as vital in dialogue.  Humility is best revealed through civility – the act of showing regard for others; courtesy; politeness; respect; deference.   It's rarity in life stems from lack of humility.  Treat others as you would have them treat you always applies.

Civility can be revealed by actively doing these four things:

1. Stop making so many statements. Statements are fine to start a conversation, but are lousy in continuing one. Use any statements wisely and never think of them as your initial response (see #3).

Conversation is never about bludgeoning someone by piling up interpreted facts declaring our claims. At minimum, our personal goal should always be to maintain a civil relationship while making sound claims and counter-claims.

2. Respond, never react. Our responsibility towards each other is to use our mature 'response ability' and not to be a human example of a fizzy chemical reaction like vinegar in soda. The old maxim that the first to run out of ideas is the one who throws the first punch, is still a good one. A verbal punch stops dialogue just as efficiently as a physical punch severs a relationship.

3. Ask questions. Always ask questions to allow the other person to clarify what they mean and to involve minds in the dialogue. Many contradictions will be uncovered at this point leading to further dialogue and questions. You want sound thinking to occur on both sides. Questions lead to personal discovery and change, not absorbing a series of statements.

4. Always listen. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Cultivate the lost art of listening. There is nothing more hurtful in a conversation than answering a question that was never asked.

Want a mindful conversation? Be civil, ask questions, and listen to the answers. #mind #civility