Three Simple Tips For Avoiding Stress
1. Don't Always Try to Please Others....Or to be like someone else. It is very considerate when you care about the feelings of others, but your needs are just as important. If you neglect yourself when you feel ill, and then get worse, how much good are you to your spouse, children, or relatives? If you also try to do everything for others all the time, to virtually dictate what they do, or live their lives for them, you will make them dependent upon you, which will be deeply resented the day you cannot continue in like manner.
Worse still, over time you will rob them of their self-respect and keep them as underachievers, incapable of progressing their lives in their own way. It is a desire to control others, and to feel significant in ourselves, that makes us overwhelm them with kindness, and pretend they are incapable, or that we are indispensable. But ever thought what they would do if you suddenly fall ill or drop dead? At the heart of living by your principles is the ability to say 'NO' which is equally valuable as saying 'YES'.
Like a diamond, it is much better to be the genuine article, and flawed, than to be perfect and a pale imitation.
Additionally, trying to imitate someone else we admire also leads to a lack of self-worth and confidence. You are unique and cannot be anyone else. Learn from others, by all means, but strive for greater development on your terms, no one else's. Being a carbon copy of someone else simply represses your own creativity and talent, and makes you feel constantly inadequate. Like a diamond, it is much better to be the genuine article, and flawed, than to be perfect and a pale imitation.
2. Believe in Something: Whether it is religion, atheism, politics, or philosophy, beliefs help to mould our principles and determine who we are, where we stand in the world and where we are going. Feel entitled to believe in whatever you like, whether God or little green men, that's your right, as long as you do not impose your beliefs on others, or use them to assess/judge other people negatively. If you believe in nothing, you will fall for anything, and people who stay in the middle of the road eventually get run over!
Waverers also command little respect, because others tend to feel insecure around them. Such people tend to change with the wind and are perceived as untrustworthy. It is the desire to please everyone, as well as to be liked, which robs you of any principles, and leaves you pleasing no one in the process. Being yourself means you will always have the courage of your convictions to stand out from the crowd.
Remind yourself that there is always something you know that every person you meet will not know, while there is always something you won't know on which you will have to be informed.
3. Accept Personal Balance: There will be certain things at which you are more adept and competent. Equally, there will be areas in which others excel, so it is impossible to expect perfection in every aspect of your life. It is a lack of acknowledgement and respect for the competence of others that makes us feel we have to compete on their terms to feel worthy. That's why many bosses with low confidence often take the credit for the work/achievements of their colleagues. Remind yourself that there is always something you know that every person you meet will not know, while there is always something you won't know on which you will have to be informed. It will stop you feeling that everyone else is 'better' than you in every respect, or that you are smugly superior in any way.
These three simple tips are very important for giving us inner peace and contentment, as well as self-respect, because we won't be living the lives other people dictate for us. We won't be constantly comparing ourselves with others either, and will gradually become aware of our own potential and limitations. Above all, we'll have the confidence, courage and conviction to live in our own way, and our own style, while being sensitive to the needs of others.
Author: The Essential Guide to Confidence (ebook and print)