The Problem of Hanging Back in The Past With a Failed Relationship

(A reader asked a question: Q. I am over my resentment, and I have moved on with a new partner, though I do think about what my wife did and blame her. Will I ever feel better?)

A. You might have moved on physically, but I sense you haven't yet emotionally. And that is the key to your future life, especially as you are in a new relationship. The essence of moving on is not just having another relationship. It is forgiveness, understanding, and compassion. You would not still be negative about her if you had moved on. You would want to forgive her, and get on with your life in a positive way, and hope that she finds happiness too.

Unless we forgive entirely, we can never move on. We keep ourselves stuck to that person while they might have moved on, not realising that we cannot feel positive if we are still rotating in their orbit. Worse still, new relationships don't stand a chance because old and fearful mindsets are used to kill them off in a judgemental way before they begin. If we are using old partners as a yardstick to judge new ones, sooner or later they will begin to behave as expected, because we would still be acting in the old ways to elicit that reaction. A self-fulfilling prophecy, one might say!

The biggest tragedy of all, is that if we are still replaying the negativity in our head, we haven't got the time to feel loving in the present; to be expressive or to appreciate the daily blessings we are getting. We miss so much in the process of bitterness and regret that really don't build anything. They simply destroy possibilities.

Many people don't realise that it is very difficult for others to truly communicate, either because of the way they were brought up, or the male/female imbalance of power.

Nobody can ever go back in time to remedy a wrong, so the best action is to leave the past where it is and focus on improving the present. Everything happens for a reason, and there is always a GOOD reason too, though we cannot see it at the time. Look at it this way: if you were still in your last relationship you would not have met your current partner and be much happier. But often people tend to just look at the negatives instead of counting their blessings.

Feeling trapped and unhappy

Until we truly forgive we cannot be at peace with ourselves either. We will simply be locked in our ex-partner's negativity too, seeing only their faults and the rejection we felt, instead of the positive things that were shared and what we are enjoying now. We also talk about communication a lot, but many people don't realise that it is very difficult for others to truly communicate, either because of the way they were brought up, or the male/female imbalance where some women feel intimidated trying to express their feelings for fear of negative consequences. So everyone is likely to live in denial, hoping the other person will act and make things better. Of course, that doesn't happen, because of the fear involved, and things simply get worse, despite the best intentions.

Please remember that the past is ALWAYS only memories inside our head. It doesn't exist anywhere else. That person would have changed, too, and is getting on with their life. By sticking inside your head and dwelling on your past you ignore your present and miss out on even better things which could give you greater joy. You are also only giving half of yourself to your current partner who deserves much better.

When we forgive we feel much more happier and contented. Thus, if you are still replaying things inside your head, you are a long way from forgiveness and truly letting go.

If you found this blog useful, or informative, give something back!

Please support this channel so that more blogs can be available.

THANK YOU! :o)