How do I Get a Guy (or Gal) to Call me Back?
Well....er...you don't! You tell him (or her) to 'take a hike' instead, and wave them on briskly.
If you give your number to someone, or you call them at least once, and they are not quick to return that call, they are simply not interested. Or their ego requires you to do the running to make them feel valued and in control. Either way, it is not in your interest.
No self-respecting woman (or man) should aim to 'get' anyone to return their call. He either wants to return that call, or he can keep walking. That's the attitude you should develop when you're seeking a genuine relationship with another person. It must be entirely mutual, otherwise it is doomed from the beginning.
There are five main reasons why a guy (or gal) would not return calls.
1. Lack of self love and esteem (on their part). People who don't love themselves depend on others to treat them in better ways than they would. They expect the new person to compensate for their own lack of self-love by loving them instead. That feeling often leads to dependency, which is not attractive, and new guys can sniff that a mile off and shy away. The initial novelty soon wears off, if the woman appears too 'needy'. In those circumstances, men tend to play it their way, and in their own time. People with low esteem also allow themselves to be taken for granted, because they often believe they do not deserve better, and that the other person really cares. They lack the confidence to get what they truly desire, often settling for second best, which makes them even more vulnerable and exposed to the negative treatment of potential partners.
2. Mismatch in expectations. Where two people are not expecting the same pace of activity, or outcome, one is usually reluctant to conform to the other's desires. The guy tends to control the situation by doing things mainly at his pace, and when he feels ready. This often happens when one person is keen to move on the relationship quicker than the other. The parties would not be aligned in what they are both seeking, and would not mirror each other's behaviour. The result is that one person is very eager to progress the friendship and expects the other person to feel the same by keeping in touch, while the other person expects to take his/her time until it feels right.
3. A change of heart. Sometimes a meeting/date can go extremely well, yet not yield the expected results for either party, because it depends on personal mood on the days that follow. Often people have a change of heart after a date, even though one person might have seemed pretty eager to develop the friendship. In the cold light of the next day, perhaps remembering what was said or done, the other party might not seem as attractive. However, many men are often reluctant to admit their true feelings, and cope with this by not returning calls. They hope that their silence will relay the message they are too timid to give. But if the woman is really keen, that kind of non-reaction can create more problems than it's worth, by emphasising their feeling of rejection.
If a guy is shy, or not too confident in interacting with girls, he might hang back until he has firm evidence that he is liked and should progress it.
4. Misperception of the friendship. Sometimes guys do give mixed signals about what they are seeking, or girls interpret certain behaviour to mean something else, especially where sex is involved. The guy might simply wish for a casual sexual relationship, while the girl might believe she means more to him than that. Once again, that would be a mismatch in expectations, especially when men and women tend to view the reasons for having sex differently. In such cases, the girl would perhaps be a lower priority in the guy's life than she would like to think, hence why he would be reluctant to return the call.
5. Doubts about your feelings. If a guy is shy, or not too confident in interacting with girls, he might hang back until he has firm evidence that he is liked and should progress it. Some guys will set the pace while others expect to be led, or to have more evidence before returning calls. If you want a guy to call you back, try not to be too ambiguous in your actions, and also indicate, clearly, that you would like to hear from him. Be clear about your desires, even if you are detached in the beginning.
Don't ever accept any excuse that suggests the guy was 'too busy' to ring! That is giving an even more powerful message of disinterest. When we really like someone we seek opportunities to interact with them. We don't leave it to chance. Furthermore, in this technological age, it takes only a few seconds to text an apology, and to promise a later call, if one really wants to ring. If someone is too busy to call, especially at the beginning of a friendship, unless it is an emergency, that does not augur well. When people are interested and really care, they make the time to communicate, because it is pleasurable for both parties.
There is no great secret to getting a guy (or girl) to call you back. If he really likes your company, values you, wishes to spend more time with you, or can't bear the thought of losing your friendship, he will return your call without you even asking, so long as he knows how you feel about him. In the end, it depends on how much a guy really values that woman enough to want to hear her voice, to call her and affirm her as a possible soulmate, and to progress the friendship. Otherwise, he just won't bother.
Author: The Essential Guide to Confidence (ebook and print)
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