How a Mismatch of Perception Affects Our Behaviour
Perception influences all aspects of our lives, and, as that deals with our interactions with others, we are likely to feel more comfortable handling events in our lives when we believe they are external to us. Thus, when we are annoyed, it is easier to believe that our faults and frustrations are caused by others. They become the scapegoats for the way we feel. But no one thing or person's behaviour ever makes us angry.
Our anger comes from our interpretation of events; how we actually perceive their effect on us, and how we choose to react in the face of that. 'Choose' being the operative word, depending on our level of confidence, esteem, and sense of responsibility. The lower the personal esteem, the more we see our future in other people's hands, the more we perceive them to be in control of our lives, and the greater the responsibility and blame we attach to them for the anger and frustration we feel, or the actions that ensue.
Take the perennial work situation where there is a clash of personalities between boss and worker. The worker might blame the boss for whatever is going on. He/She would be perceived as unreasonable or blameworthy in that situation. But no one forces a worker to stay glued to a post. There are all sorts of other opportunities available to affirm his/her worth, and staying in the same negative situation, while simply blaming the boss only diminishes their confidence, expertise, and appeal to others.
From the boss' point of view, she might blame her worker for something perceived to be inappropriate but, if she were doing her job properly as a manager, perhaps taking responsibility instead of leaving it up to her staff, she would not have to blame anyone. Except for violence and overt offensiveness, anger is not caused by anyone else at all, but by how we interpret another person's actions towards us.
When dealing with others, whether at home or at work, it is essential to bear in mind individual perception, and how we each see the world.
Nowhere is this perception mismatch more obvious than in a relationship. In the familiarisation stage, when the two parties are struggling to come to terms with each other's perception, there are likely to be lots of accusations and blame which will be rejected by both sides. Yet each person is right in his/her individual views because of the way each perceives the world. No one partner is ever fully right and the other totally wrong.
For example, a heavy drinker who gets up one morning and denies that he ever said or did anything negative the night before will be right from his perception, because, now that he is sober, he will see the world in a different light from when he was drunk. Without firm evidence, he has no way of verifying what he is accused of. However, the person who had no alcohol can see both sides of the behaviour and his perception would be right as well.
The real trouble comes in trying to acknowledge both perceptions in a compromise knowing that, as soon as more drink is added, the behaviour that was denied is likely to be repeated! That is why police in America often use videos to record the activities of suspected drinkers when they are stopped. Apparently, very few people become drunk again once they see the way they behave in that state! The video actually destroys the positive perception they had of themselves.
When dealing with others, whether at home or at work, it is essential to bear in mind individual perception, and how we each see the world. Perception is shaped by our gender, colour, the way we were raised, our culture, beliefs, and experiences. It stands to reason, that every person's perception will be different from another, unless they are identical in every respect - and that's near impossible in our diverse world!
#perception #workplace #conflict
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