The Secret Women of Abortion
Planned Parenthood's history can be traced all the way back to 1916 when proponents of the birth control movement, Margret Sanger and her sister, started the American Birth Control League. Much has changed over a short period of time and from those meager beginnings PP has grown to become one of the founding members of the International Planned Parenthood Federation, a corporation that has operations all over the globe.
In America, under Cecile Richards alone, who was head of PPFA (Planned Parenthood of America) from 2006-2010, 1.5 million abortions raked in almost $800 million in profit. An in-depth study shows that 11% percent of women who go to PP are there for abortion services and these 11% make up about 54% of their total revenue. Planned Parenthood recently reported that only 3% of their American business comes from abortion. Planned Parenthood is accepting girls as young as 15 and there have been cases when doctors will help a young girl hide her pregnancy from her parents.
In America close to half of pregnancies are unintended and almost a third of these pregnancies will end in abortion. With more than half of women being single and in their twenties, most if not all of those come from poor households. Over 60% of the women who do have an abortion will go on to have more children and 73% report having some religious affiliation overall. By 2008 almost 70% of all abortions performed were on women of color, giving a surprisingly disproportionate rate that is highest among black women.
Relationships that suffer abortion break apart within the first year almost 70% of the time, and out of those, some women will never tell their friends and families that it ever happened. They will carry this dark secret with them, fearing to trust anyone, not wanting to be demonized by the ones they love. They bear it inside, never able to escape the pain and the memory of what they felt was necessary. They will never be able to reveal what will grow for years within them, pregnant with a burdensome sorrow. This is the story of one of those "Secret Women", who started her journey a girl of 15, fresh into life not knowing what lay ahead on the road before her.
Young Mary was a beautiful, adventurous girl who was well liked within her peer group. With her and her older brother carving their own space within a strict household, Mary found many ways to entertain herself. Often times she would sneak out with her friends at night exploring the city streets. While her parents believed she was at a friends house or some local school park, she was in fact going to concerts, and bars using a fake I.D.
Mary: "I got my fake I.D. while working at my first job at [a] Steak House. I just took my co-worker's work permit and a copy of her birth certificate, and presented it at the [Motor Vehicle Department] and told them I needed an I.D. It was relatively easy to do ... It had her information but had my picture on it."
I talked with Mary about what drew her into chasing the night life which ultimately lead to her having premarital sex. What followed was a tale that seemed so reminiscent of many other young girls who have grown up in America, and I thought to myself that this could happen to anyone. With 1/3 of girls having sex today before the age of 16 that musing is fast becoming fact.
Q: Did you believe your parents were keeping things from you because they didn't trust you or did you know what you were doing was wrong, and did it out of rebellion?
Mary: "I do not believe my parents were knowingly keeping things from me, but they did not let me hear any adult conversations, so I never learned how to preserve my virginity. I remained a child mentally for a number of years. I felt like I could never do anything right in my dad's opinion. My brotherm and I both felt that my dad was too strict and we both realized that it was going to be different with our own children, and it was. I was very affectionate with my sons when they were little."
Q: What could your Dad have done to keep you from finding approval from someone else?
Mary: "My father could have been more affectionate with me by more hugging, and kissing, and approval. I sought out the missing male affection, and that was all I was looking for. I was seeking physical affection more than approval. I needed to be hugged, and reassured that I could go to my parents no matter the problem, but I could not do that, I was not really seeking approval during that time, approval was important to me more when I was younger."
Mary was never out to be a bad girl. She was raised in a good home with loving parents. In her innocence she only wanted to be one of the cool kids. She "wanted to be seen riding around in cars with [older] guys...". Where they were taking her was to places where only the cool survive, and "cool people" always drink, and take drugs. In this gritty world of pleasure seeking escapists young Mary found herself doing what every parent dreads what their own children might do
Mary: "I used to go to parties, and take pills, and drink, and end up passed out in a bedroom or even outside somewhere. A lot of things could have happened to me during these times, but I believe God protected me from a possible violent rape or even murder."
It wasn't long before a predator found his way to Mary seeing an innocent prize easily conquered. He was no stranger to the night life, and Mary stuck out like a sore thumb. A young girl has little in common with those who frequent taverns past happy hour. Everyone there is seeking excitement, but Mary found more than she bargained for.
Mary: "I met a man in a bar and started going out with him. I told him my ID was fake and my real age. He was 23. I would go to his family gatherings and say nothing at all in conversations because I was still a child. We only saw each other 3 or 4 times."
He knew exactly how to play a young girl into trusting him. He was a "family man" who showed her a world where she was her own woman, under his direction. Mary was finding herself more out of her element than ever before. While he lay a trap for her purity, Mary headed willingly into it having lost her own sense of value in a mix of drugs, and the longing for affection. It is easy to get confused when you don't really know what you are doing or if you should be doing it in the first place. He was plying her with mind-altering substances that made it easier for Mary to go along with the flow. This is exactly how many sexual predators operate to steal a young girl's virtue.
Mary: "My memory of my virginity being taken is a very vague memory lying down together, and I got no pleasure out of it at all. He talked me into having sex by telling me that he was sterile. He re-assured me that I would not get pregnant... I was most likely high on pills or weed, and did not think about anything or care about anything including myself, while it was happening, just that I would NOT get pregnant, and it would be over soon. I believe God let me block most of that very short period of time."
This is not an isolated incident, and many children face this danger today. Alcohol and drug use among teens has skyrocketed as 71% of teens say they have used alcohol before graduating and 40% admit to smoking marijuana. Most who begin experimenting with drugs, and alcohol start around the age of 14, but ages can start as young as 12. This, coupled with a highly sexualized media, it is no wonder that 40% of teenage girls will conceive before their 20th birthday. Every year 1 million young women get pregnant and the US Government spends roughly $40 billion annually to help these girls find services.
Mary's experience is shared by many girls today though it wasn't too long ago that the dating scene was much different. In the 1950's there was an entirely different process before a young couple would allow themselves to be alone together. There was a formal introduction, the double-date, a single date in public, and then perhaps they would "go steady". Going steady then initiated the hand-holding, kissing, necking, petting, heavy-petting, and intercourse, in that order. Many of these former rituals have been cut from the modern dating play book, often accelerating straight to home plate on the first up to bat. Pressures after sex in a relationship can be strong enough to break two people apart. Trust is a major issue after intimacy. Mary had lost all trust she once had for this man who, while she was intoxicated, coerced her into losing her virginity with lying lips. She was only 15, and he was old enough to know better.
Q: What did continuing this relationship with the man who got you pregnant mean to you?
Mary: "The man lied to me and should have gone to jail, but Planned Parenthood covered up his abuse of a minor, and he went away free to do this to other girls. I did not see him a whole lot. I didn't really know him well, but he lied. and said he was sterile. He probably would have used me as a trophy because I was pretty good looking... I honestly don't know. Because of his lie to me, I did not want to associate with him very much after I made my decision."
Q: Did your parents ever suspect you were pregnant?
Mary: "I remember feeling ill and my mother took me to a doctor with pregnancy signs, but had no idea that I was pregnant, I was actually about 15 when this happened. Instead of the woman doctor telling my mother the truth, she talked to me alone. and left it up to me, and she did not tell my mother that I might be pregnant, she just explained it away as a normal sickness."
As shocking as it sounds that a medical professional would deliberately hide a young girl's pregnancy from her parents, situations like these happen more often than one may think. In most States a minor must have parental consent before they can get a tattoo or even have an ear pierced. Parents today must have a signed order from their physician and give consent before the school nurse can administer acetaminophen. So far only 36 States enforce laws for parental consent before a teenage girl can submit to having an abortion. That is still little comfort as all 36 States allow for judicial wavers for teenage abortion bypassing parent's rights. Teenagers make up 18% of all abortion recipients today and in the 14 States that do not have parental consent laws abortion rates are much higher.
There is a pervasive idea growing that more sexual education, and more contraception is the solution to a growing problem of underage pregnancy. Unfortunately, studies from the Center for Disease Control show that there are links between the increase in contraception availability, and the rise of pregnancy. Spain published a ten year study showing that as contraception use rose 60% the abortion rate doubled! This is because contraception is not teen proof. Single adolescent girls in Sweden experience a birth-control failure rate of 47% within the first year of use. In fact more than half of women who are having abortions are on some form of birth control.
While education, and sexual awareness grow with schools and clinics popping out birth control to teenagers like candy, the rise of STD's among teens has reached staggering heights. The CDC actually reports a rise of STD's among teens where contraception is readily available. Today, half of sexually active teens will have an STD by the age of 25, with most teens not even aware they are infected. Every year over 19 million new cases of sexually transmitted disease are catalogued and if these go without being treated can lead to infertility, increased risk of cancer, and death.
Before the 60's it would seem STD's barely existed, but this is mostly due to improper diagnosis. Currently there are over 25 diseases that teens can contract through sexual activity. The most common of these are: chlamydia, genital herpes, HPV, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, HIV/AIDS, pubic lice, and syphilis. If you are thinking this cannot happen to your son or daughter then consider 20% of white teenage girls have at least one STD with a staggering 48% of black teenage girls being infected showing once again a racial disparity in sexual health. With sexually active teens having a 25% chance overall of coming in contact with an infected partner it is a deadly risk rolling the sex dice considering.
Parental involvement is paramount in the reduction of teenage pregnancy, and child poverty rates. A study by the Brookings Institute reveals that child poverty rates among children in married households living with both parents rests at 10%, while rates among single divorced and single unmarried mothers were at almost 50% and over 60% respectively. Today, 32% of all children are born out of wedlock and 3/4 of those will end up on welfare rolls.
With this data you would think Congress would want to help strengthen the family by creating incentives for couples to get married. In order for that to happen they would first have to remove the "marriage penalty" clause in the Earned Income Tax Credit. With the current structure, a single working mom can earn almost $4000 a year for her two children but if she marries she could stand to lose most if not all of her benefits. A 15 year old Mary did not come from a broken household. She was well cared for in a safe home with a loving family when she was taken from her haven of innocence by a smooth talking rapist who left her in a very compromising position. To get rid of him forever while protecting her parents and herself from her then perceived mistake she believed there was only one option.
Mary: "I told my parents I was going to an amusement park on the day my child and I became victims of Planned Parenthood."
Within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy the procedure for abortions is fairly simple. A suction device can dislodge and remove the foetus from the womb entering through the cervix for quick and easy disposal. This surgery becomes much more complicated after that 12 week window. The cervix has not yet dilated enough for the foetus to come out all at once. The soft foetal parts are easily broken into pieces so that they can be removed one at a time. The foetal tissue is so fragile, that the instruments used to extract the severed parts can be used to crush them further making them easier to remove. The entire procedure takes a practiced physician about 12 minutes and is done under a general anesthetic. The contents are collected as "the products of conception" and made ready to be sold for research in varying fields for very lucrative prices.
Many are aware that abortion was perfectly legal under the ruling of Roe vs. Wade. What most do not realize is that abortion was legal up to and including the moment right before birth. In a paper written by Alberto Giubilini from the University of Milan, and Francesca Minerva from Melbourne University published in the Journal of Medical Ethics, the two professors argue that after-birth abortion is justified as newborns "do not have the same moral status as actual persons". This means the killing of a newborn for health or social reasons. It has even been reported that PP is accepting sex-selective abortions in the US, turning children into a commodity. Gendercide has become an epidemic with the UN reporting that 200 million baby girls have simply disappeared worldwide. The implications of this could have devestating consequences.
This is definitely troubling news to those who are Pro-Life, yet these are all instances where abortion meets no complications. In Chicago, Tonya Reaves had a dilation and evacuation (D&E) abortion at a PP clinic on July 20th at 11:00 in the morning. While the procedure can be fairly simple, the technicians at PP perforated her uterus causing severe internal bleeding. Five full hours passed before PP called for emergency medical assistance. Upon receiving another D&E procedure at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, the doctors discovered "an uncontrollable bleed" and pronounced her dead at 11:20pm. There is little doubt that delaying emergency treatment contributed to her death.
There are worse things in this world concerning abortion than a botched procedure. We may have had made abortion legal but it is still far from being 100% safe. In PA at a late term abortion clinic that was named a "House of Horror", a man by the name of Kermit Gosnell committed some of the most heinous acts of abortionists today. He was being charged with the death of a 41 year old woman, and seven babies that were born alive that he killed with scissors that severed their spinal cords.
Davida Johnson, a then 30 year old woman, experienced absolute horror after she had a change of heart in 2001. Upon seeing the incredibly unsanitary conditions of dazed women laying in bloody chairs, she turned to leave but not before Kermit Gosnell, and his staff hit her from behind, tied her down, and sedated her into submission. After she awoke, she too found herself on a bloody recliner, the victim of a forced abortion. She soon learned she had contracted a venereal disease from dirty instruments and would be unable to carry a child to full term.
Mary: "The PP Margaret Sanger Center was in the basement of an old house. The waiting room was in what once was the living room. The guy came in with me, paid at the desk and then left. There were several other young girls in there with me. We shared worried looks with one another once in a while. When they called me in to do the registration, the woman who talked with me was cold-hearted. She said "Why do you keep calling "it" a baby? It's just a bunch of cells and it has gills!"
"I got up on a table and they put my feet in stirrups. There was a large jar with a plastic tube coming out of the top, but they had a towel wrapped around it. They put the metal instrument inside of me. I heard the vacuum machine start up. I felt an intense tugging inside. It took about 5 minutes. I got up and immediately threw up. I laid down for awhile on a bed. After I felt like I could get up, they gave me some juice and a cookie, gave me some birth control and showed me the back door. "
The procedure was over. Mary took the Metro Bus back home.
Mary: "I remember feeling relieved that the worst was over and I never saw him again. I pushed the feeling that it was wrong way down deep. Once years later, at a different counseling session, the woman told me to pretend that the 16 year old me was sitting in a chair and 'the me that was then', would get up and she wanted to know what I would say to the 16 yr old me. I got up and said 'You knew it was wrong and you did it anyway!' My 16 yr old self did not say a word, she just cried, and cried."
Currently only 1% of abortions are because of rape or incest with 6% citing the physical/mental health of the mother or the child as the cause. An overwhelming 93% of all abortions are performed for social reasons. These reasons can vary, but half of the women seeking abortions are there because their contraceptive failed. Other reasons women, and girls choose abortion can be the inability to properly care for a child, wanting to retain her youthful figure, or to hide a pregnancy from friends, and family. Mary wanted to remove the man, and the memory of it all from her life forever. Later she would learn for herself that there were some things from which she couldn't run.
Q: Do you believe that your fear of your parents knowing about your first pregnancy would have driven you to an illegal abortionist if the option hadn't been legally available?
Mary: "I would not have searched out an 'illegal' abortion if it hadn't been legal. If abortion was illegal, I would have told my parents the first time I guess. They knew what was best for me and no one else did! Then the father would have served jail time, and my life would have been very different."
Q: Did growing up in a strict household have something to do with your decision?
Mary: "My father was strict, but I blame the doctor who did not inform my mother. I still don't know why she didn't. She thought a 15 year old can make her own decisions!? That is very sad, and I wonder if she covered up other girls' pregnancies from their parents. I know my parents would do the right thing for me which was adoption..."
There are many things a woman could forget: her house keys, her purse, where she parked her car; but one thing she will never be able to forget is the day she had her first abortion. After the physical trauma heals, the spiritual scars still endure. Many women never reveal that they ever had an abortion, carrying the secret within themselves for the rest of their lives. This can cause fear and inability to trust. Guilt can be a heavy burden to carry to your deathbed. She might fear that what she has done is wrong, so being discovered, she would feel she is being punished by her loved ones. She could feel disappointed that she was unable to live up to a personal or family standard. Often times there are great feelings of anger, and regret at feeling like a failure because she had to put her needs first. This is often termed, 'survivors guilt'.
Q: Why did you choose to have an abortion?
Mary: "It was just my basic instinct to hide this away. I wanted out of the situation ASAP. I was so scared, it overcame my knowledge that it was wrong, and that shows how immature I was. I had no motherly instinct about the baby. I was just scared, and wanted it to go away."
Anger, fear, guilt and anxiety are just a few of the symptoms of what is now being called Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS). Many women experience feelings of emotional numbness, they can develop eating disorders, become victims of infertility issues from the invasive medical procedure, and can experience feelings of depression. Even more troubling is the the Anniversary Syndrome where a post abortion woman can experience the severe effects of PAS, such as reliving the event having terrible flashbacks, nightmares or even suicide. Over 54% of post abortive women will experience an increase of PAS around the time of the anniversary of the abortion and/or due date of the aborted child.
The women who endure may sometimes rush to get pregnant again in hopes of having an 'atonement baby' to replace the one that was aborted. Abortion can have lasting effects on a woman's future relationships including her spouse and future/current children. Feelings of personal disgust can keep a woman from enjoying sex or developing close bonds with the children she has. More often than not a post abortive woman will turn to drugs, alcohol and self-destructive behavior. Before too long Mary wound up on that path of self abuse, and soon after found herself pregnant once again.
Q: Do you think you may have subconsciously wanted to get pregnant the second time to face this pain in your past?
Mary: "I think I did subconsciously want to get pregnant again so I could "do the right thing". It wasn't a clear idea in my head or anything."
Q: What was different about the second pregnancy that you felt it was better to tell your parents?
Mary: "When I became pregnant the second time, I was just graduating high school, and I was living with my parents. I was being promiscuous then. I didn't care about anything, and used to go to parties, and let men use me. I don't even know who the father was the second time. I knew my parents would support me by this time. I told them. It was bad for a little while I guess. They were worried about what people would think. It was still a social taboo."
Q: How did your parents handle the news?
Mary: "They talked about it with me, and they decided they would send me away to a Catholic home for unwed mothers in another city. I stayed there, and most of the other girls were still school age, and had to attend classes while they were there. We all took care of the house, and did chores. The housemothers were very nice. Catholic Social Services had a adoption agency that was associated with the home."
For many months Mary carried her child to term within the pregnancy crisis center. While she could never open up to her parents about the child that she aborted, she had found a safe place, and came to trust in the people of the Catholic institution. Eventually she was able to tell her story, and joined others who had a support group for post-abortion women based on biblical counseling lead by the Home.
Q: How were they able to help you in bible counseling?
Mary: "They just knew what post abortive women need to know about forgiveness I think. It was a group study and they made us take notes, and write things down between sessions. One of the women in my group had an abortion because it interfered with her college plans. I don't remember the other's stories. Someone must have put it all together BECAUSE It worked! I realized that Christ conquered ALL sin, but I THOUGHT what I had done was too bad for Him to forgive me. HIS SUFFERING AND DEATH WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. WHEN I grasped this truth I accepted it and forgave myself."
Q: What was it like having to give up a child you gave birth to?
Mary: "My parents, and I were able to choose from three different profiles of families that wanted to adopt. We chose a Catholic couple who both had Phd's in education. They had already adopted a boy from the service, so my daughter has an older brother. I was told he brought her a stuffed animal when they picked her up at the home. I knew I was doing the right thing this time, I knew, so it was not too hard to give her away to a great family. I got to hold her twice in the hospital, and once more to say goodbye at the home."
Q: Is it hard to carry on after knowing what this man did to an innocent 15 year old girl, and with the choice you made?
Mary: "I have forgiven the first father in my heart. That was easy. Forgiving myself took a long time, and Christ had to be involved to heal me the way He did. I think God led me to that crisis pregnancy center because I had no other reason to go there. This forgiving of myself happened when I was moved out, and on my own."
Q: Will you ever recover?
Mary: "I have recovered, I have been forgiven, and I know that SOMETHING good will come of this. When I realized that I was not accepting God‘s forgiveness, the walls came down, and I realized I could be forgiven for this sin also. That was a big step in my recovery, and that happened when I was in my early to mid 20's."
Mary is no longer a teenager. In fact her name is not even Mary. She has asked that her name be changed for the purpose of this interview because she still hasn't told her family about her choice, and the challenges she had to face after she made that trip to Planned Parenthood. Mary is now in her fifties with children, and grandchildren of her own who may never know about her only abortion. She will keep that memory with her always, and has become a strong supporter of the Pro-Life movement. Though she has learned to put her past behind her a lifetime of keeping this secret continues to effect her future. Even today, Mary struggles with anxiety, and depression for which she takes medication for.
Mary credits her recovery to her faith in Jesus Christ. That she would be able to be delivered from her personal demons is a miracle. Many post-abortive women claim a religious affiliation, with 1 in 5 having abortions today being born-again or Evangelical Christians. These 20% of post-abortive women have hope in recovery through their faith by redemption. When it comes to single women who claim no religious affiliation they are four times as likely to have an abortion compared to women of faith. To whom will those 27% without faith turn to should they be haunted by these post abortive demons? Lord help them.
Though one life is ended many are affected by a woman's choice to abort. The women who bear the burden of keeping it secret can't hide the emotional toll that the choice required. Her future husband may never understand why his wife is not more enthusiastic for him intimately. Her children may never know why Mommy doesn't seem to connect with them around April. Her parents, who are at their wits end, may never know how to help their daughter through a difficult time in her life. Unfortunately those who reveal they aborted a child, though even contrite, could be met with harsh judgement. A father may feel cheated out of a son, and a son or a daughter could feel cheated out of a sibling. Parents could feel they lost a grandchild and sometimes even disown their daughter altogether.
Abortion hurts everyone by ending an unborn life, from the trauma both physical and mental for the mother, and the loss experienced by family members who might have an interest in the child. No matter what side of the fence you are on, all our lives are affected in some way by this profit centered industry. The best way to help the women heal from either wounds of regret or fears of being demonized is to strengthen the family. A strong family will protect their child from attacks, and be willing to hear their daughter's heart-ache. Involved parents can guide their little girl through the hardest choices in her life including an unplanned pregnancy. Families are never perfect but there is no better model for the success of children regardless of political affiliation. Until we begin to encourage the creation of strong families these social ills will continue to gravely effect our nation.
Q: Imagine a 15 year old girl today who is facing the same decision. What would you say to her?
Mary: "Don't do it! Rely on God to help get you through all of it. Don't be afraid of your own pregnancy. Abortion will ruin your life, and you will never be the same. Love your child, and have your family involved if possible to choose the loving option of adoption."
