LITTLE BLACK REFLECTION pt1

as of now i sit at my grandparents adjusting myself to the heat that every year summer brings. like the bees, quick tempers and children getting shot in the streets.  but unlike the bees i know the last two are going nowhere. It furiates me that my fellow people stand idle to endure the critism you blare out at them, and if they do react well they resemble what you like to invision us as; NIGGAS. as though the outside world has everything figured out thru statistics and war we are just a minority here to be belittled. never to own our own neiborhoods or direct our taxes towards better schools or education completley at the whims of AMERICA .

i  spent the winter and spring in colorado sheilded from the outside world. my only worries being waking up on time and trying not to be sterotyped, but seen as an individual in a world dominated by other nationalities other then my own. I have seen a clear picture of communities being stripped of their schools. men,  children, and lives in servitude to minimum wage and pleasing the public. what is gentrification?

 i found no peace there for everytime i turned on my computer and/or link to the outside world someone who reminded me of myself reminded me that my life can change drastically at any moment. so going out with people i saw as friends was filled with negative thoughts that if anything happens you would be to blame,  held responcible or suffer the consequence unequally.

a positive to me being away was that i communicated more then ever with my mother it was reminisent to when i was stationed at fort  bliss. I wish not say anything disresectful to  anyone who raised me, but i do wish to speak how i feel. I feel as though we love and show more care to ourselves then we do our children  that love is earned and expectations to receive that love are never truly given.  i constantly wonder if im a bad son or a selfish person.

I have my beleifs the beleif that i am constantly changing, growing and maturing. the beleif that i am doing everything wrong in hopes in doing everything right.

i am not a blogger nor a writer. but a practitioner in communicating how i feel what i see and what i learned.

other then a practitioner or follower in someone elses beleif

i guess that will be all for today "friend"