Supergirl S01E16 Review (Parody)

Falling

(Hm, Skyfall would be more a fitting title...damn copyrights)

 

"Red Kryptonite makes Kara malicious and dangerous while Cat appears on "The Talk" to discuss Supergirl."
imdb.com

 

To save money and shamelessly promote their own talk show, CBS decided to let Cat Grant - a fictional character - be a guest on the show "The Talk" , which is a real show. The host of this show is an animatronics asian woman with face animations dated back to 1994. As soon as the introduction of Cruella DeVil is over the bum-licking starts. Sharon Osbourne - a real person - and Darlene Conner - a fictional character impersonating the real actress Sara Gilbert - talking about Cat Grant being the most powerful woman in National City. Which isn't really a big deal considering there are only a couple of buildings in that town and an alien hunting department just a stone's throw away.

Nothing happened in National City while Stupor-Girl is patrolling the skyline so she develops a new power - Bully-Sense™

She uses it to find the nearest bullies at an elementary school and teach them how to behave by lying directly into their faces by telling them that this little girl they harassed is a close friend of hers. I hope that little girl does not fall into a giant aquarium full of electric eels later.

 

 

CatCo - Everyone took a few hours off while the boss was in a talk show:

Cat Grant: "That was so supreme, wasn't it?"

 

Stupor-Girl: "Yes, what you said about Stupor-Girl was nice."

 

Cat Grant: "What was that? Oh no, I meant myself...but this necklace..hm. Where is IT-Guy? I need him for something."

 

Stupor-Girl: "I go look for him."

 

She does. Walking through the building yelling his name...sigh. Dear producers - first, we live in the 21th century. Ever heard of cellphones? Second, She always uses her X-Ray-Vision on her friends but decided to use it only then when she found a closed door with noises behind? Stupor-Girl is a dick to the privacy of others.

Well, this of course causes this uncomfy little drama scene which is supposed to look funny but isn't. ʃəˈvɔːn) leaves the room first and Winn follows close behind instead of staying inside to avoid being exposed because ʃəˈvɔːn) doesn't know that Kira is Stupor-Girl...but now, the cat is out of the bag. Winn tries to explain...hm no, excuse what happened even though he didn't need to because they are just friends right? So why does he act like he was cheating?

Cat Grant: "Kira! If I have to say your name a third time you'll have to find another job." (actual dialogue)

 

This works pretty well for Beetlejuice.

Stupor-Girl went to James office of solitude because Cat Grant tells Kira that Lucy Lane quit her job.

Stupor-Girl: "Da fuck?"

 

James: "She was a strong, independent woman..that's why she ran away."

 

Stupor-Girl: "Okay, did you told her I'm Stupor-Girl?"

 

James: "No, she ran away because I wasn't so susceptible to her drama-tantrum."

 

Stupor-Girl: "For a grown up woman with combat experience, she really acts like a douchebag teenager."

 

Damnit, I accidentally added my own thoughts again into the dialogue...sorry.

Stupor-Girl: "Oh, she freaked out because we went to the fortress of solitude to find answers to a serious crisis that threatened the life of millions of people. How selfish of us."

 

I just hope Lucy Lane will never return to the show. Interesting, the show seems to get better. I wonder why.

James: "I think she broke up with me because I didn't loved her as much as she loved me."

 

Awkward silence.

Alex calls instead running through National City yelling Stupor-Girls name because she has her number. Saved by the bell.

 

 

Area 51 - The New Tinder:

Alex and her sister debates how to lay James before someone else catches him. Is that why Alex wanted to see her sister at the DEO? But wait, it gets better. Senator Crane...oops sorry, I meant black-female-racist-senator (or short: Blaferase) is back and she has a hard-on for Hank Henshaw and doesn't even try to conceal it. What is this shit? The Jersey Show?

Someone dropped a love potion into the DEO water supply? Damit, Mr. Mxyzptlk! And why is Hank showing interest too? A green martian attracted to earthly women? Love knows no boundaries I guess - hello, Rule #34.

Random DEO monitor girl: "Guys, there is a fire in National City."

 

And? Are the fireworkers on strike? Does the DEO nowadays cover their work too? WTF?

 

 

Stupor-Girl can hear kids bullying miles way but needs the DEO to become aware of a rooftop fire...sigh. CBS misses an opportunity here for a  Bloodhound Gang song. Well, she swoops into action but the fireworkers have the fire already under control. But since CBS wasted a lot of money for the set already, one of the fireworkers is trapped under a crashed beam and Stupor-Girl is the only one able to rescue him because fireworkers aren't trained nor have the tools to handle such a situation. The fire-truck with the crane looks sad into the camera. She runs a few yards and seems out of breath for some reason.

But some red glowing made her suddenly weak and she looks concerned. She shrugs and flies away instead to investigate what caused her sudden tremor while the camera pans a yard away to show the audience some red kryptonite.

Dan-dan-daaan!

 

Stupor-Girl awakes in her luxury apartment and smashes her alarm clock this time. This is supposed to show us that she is slowly loosing control, but she has the strength to lift over one million tons which should have turned half of her bedroom into rubble. She brushes her teeth while trying to decide what to wear today. Uhm, does she need to brush her prefect kryptonian teeth? Are they vulnerable to sugar, caries or paradontosis? Anyway, she decides to cosplay as Cat Grant...I'll keep that in mind for later because it will become important.

She appears at work and everyone looks after her because? She still wears glasses, same make-up and she still binds her hair into a bun. Must be the perfume I guess.

Cat Grant: "Look, who decided to dress up like an adult." (actual dialogue)

 

Why Cat Grant isn't stuck neck-deep into harrassment claims is beyond me.

Cat Grant: "I wanted a list for possible candidates as replacement for Lucy Lane...yesterday."

 

ʃəˈvɔːn): "I..."

 

Stupor-Girl: "I triple-checked this candidates for you by level of annoyance."

 

Cat Grant: "Great job. Here have a bonus."

 

It really sucks to work for Cat Grant and the only person who quit the job was not because of Cat Grant. Anyway, red kryptonite nowadays transforms kryptonians into competent employees...seriously.

 

 

Area 51 - With new Jurisdictions:

Hank Henshaw: "Okay guys. Listen up. Since the government budget has been cut we are forced to take care of fires and heist as well."

 

Alex: "Okay."

 

Hank Henshaw: "Two humans were able to rob a heavily secured transporter with lots of gold in it."

 

Alex: "How did they pull that stunt."

 

Hank Henshaw: "They had extraterrestrial help, so we are not completely inappropriate for the job. We don't know if that alien is involved because we have only surveillance footage of those two robbers but someone who looks like a Borg with an allergic reaction to bees and a name like K'Hund has to be involved somehow."

 

K'Hund? Like in german for dog? K'Dog? K-9?

Internet: "Stop over-analysing you retard."

Okay, okay...fair point.

Hank Henshaw: "Lucky for us, we have an alien of our own."

 

Stupor-Girl sits in the background polishing her nails.

Hank Henshaw: "I'm sorry Stupor-Girl. Am I boring you?"

 

Stupor-Girl: "I'm boring people get bored." (actual dialogue)

 

What?

Stupor-Girl: "Maybe ask another alien agent of the DEO?"

 

Hank Henshaw: "I'm sorry. Why are you here when you are bored anyway?"

 

Stupor-Girl: "I'm only here to kick alien ass."

 

Too bad Hank Henshaw is uncomfy using his telepathy. How convenient.

 

 

National City - A cool night for some wrong-doing:

For some reason some security guys stuff their armored truck with giant luggage full of something in the middle of the night even though it is not common to do that at night because it increases the risk for robbery. Frankenstein's Monster appears and uses his can-opener powers on the truck. Lucky for him he is bulletproof too, something that Hank should have mentioned during the briefing because the DEO appears with very, very dangerous looking earthly guns that shoot bullets. K'Hund is nonetheless impressed and Hulk's out by jumping away.

Stupor-Girl catches up with him and then beats the shit out of him but then decides to let him go. I guess she is bored again.

Hank Henshaw: "Where is he?"

 

Stupor-Girl: "Obviously not here duh!"

 

 

Area 51 - 1 minute later:

Random DEO Agent: "Blaferase is in your office and wants a full report on what happened."

 

Stupor-Girl: "Uuh...hanky-panky."

 

Hank Henshaw: "What's wrong with you girl?"

 

Stupor-Girl: "I'm done with this show! Villain-of-the-week my ass!"

 

Alex: "Stupor-Girl?"

 

Did you just called your sister Stupor-Girl? Why?

 

Stupor-Girl: "I'll go home now because I have to work tomorrow."

 

She strolls down the hallway in cheap slow-motion which is visible since the framerate is wrong. You don't film a scene in normal speed and then slow it down in post-process. It looks like shit. But I digress. To empathize her PMS tantrum she punches a wall and starts to glow red. Like with every Superman TV show/cartoon since Superman III, red kryptonite only makes kryptonians angry even though in the comics it has always a different effect everytime when exposed - mentally and physically. But here it turns her into a raging teenager. From now on I will call it Pricktonite™ okay? Btw, I bet they never explain how this stuff ended up on the roof in the first place.

 

 

CatCo - The next day:

Stupor-Girl takes Cat Grant's personal elevator and now even looks like her. If Pricktonite™ turns kryptonians evil and then they dress up exactly like Cat Grant...we go to that later.

Cat Grant: "How dare you take my lift?"

 

Stupor-Girl: "When I use your elevator I arrive 30 seconds earlier, so your latte is still hot."

 

Cat Grant: "Oh? That makes sense. Continue."

 

ʃəˈvɔːn): "May I have a minute Ms. Grant?"

 

Cat Grant: "What is it?"

 

ʃəˈvɔːn): "Somehow I found this footage of a random camera in a random alley where Stupor-Girl lets an ugly guy escape. See? She is evil! I tell you!"

 

Cat Grant: "Monochrome hm? And we can only see her from behind? Drop that until we know more."

 

 

Area 51 - Offscreen Arrest:

The DEO managed to capture the K'Hund in the morning. How? We never find out, but as soon as he wears earthly handcuffs he becomes absolutely powerless enough that two random humans can drag him along....sigh. I hope in the next episode when the Flash has his cameo his powers wont be so fickle.

K'Hund: "Stupor-Girl let me go you puny humans...muhahaha!"

 

 

CatCo - Aka Three-Bitches-Tower:

Stupor-Girl snoops on ʃəˈvɔːn) and finds out she wants to email to Perry White from the Daily Planet. She prints out the email and then deletes the email from ʃəˈvɔːn) computer. Why delete? And do you ever heard of the recycle bin Kira?

Cat Grant: "You tried to scoop me and now you are fired you imp!"

 

Classic music with violins and harps try to give this scene a sad undertone even though ʃəˈvɔːn) has been established as a prime bitch from the beginning. Winn tries to comfort her because he don't want to loose his magic closet time I guess. Back to online dating Winn. Stupor-Girl gives ʃəˈvɔːn) a final sarcastic goodbye so we are supposed to feel sorry.
But Stupor-Girl is now in the mood for some party hard with Winn and James and to blow her bonus.

National City Night Club - NCNC:

A new location! Yay! Winn and James sitting at the bar and discussing the loudness of music these days...because music in clubs wasn't that loud 10 years ago?

Winn: "ʃəˈvɔːn) hasn't texted me yet."

 

Why would she? You never was her boyfriend - more like a callboy.

Stupor-Girl appears and violently grabs James to have some dance macabre with him. And despite the fact they mentioned earlier how loud the music is, both of them are able to communicate normally. She tries to seduce (rape) James but he puss' out on her and is saved by the bell again. How can he hear his cellphone in here?

Cat Grant calls James because instead staying with her son Carter - remember your under-age son Carter Cat? - she spends the night at CatCo and wants to speak to Stupor-Girl.

 

 

CatCo - Face Off:

Stupor-Girl: "What do you want?"

 

Cat Grant. "I want to know why you let that alien escape."

 

Stupor-Girl: "Because I'm sick of playing the nice girl. Go fuck yourselves humans!"

 

Cat Grant: "That isn't you Stupor-Girl. I know it because I made you."

 

Stupor-Girl: "I learned from the best. Cat Grant, the most arrogant, self-serving, mean-spirited person I have ever met."

 

Wow, I'm suddenly having this warm, fuzzy feelings in my tummy....do I start to like Supergirl? Oh? I called her Supergirl...weird.

Cat Grant: "I think it is time to drop that attitude or else."

 

Supergirl: "Or else...what? How about I drop you instead?"

 

Looks like we are about to find out if that kitty has nine lives.

Cat Grant: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....!"

 

Most believable acting I have seen so far from her. Supergirl should do that on a daily basis.
But before Cat Grant gets intimate with the pavement she is saved by Supergirl.

Deadpool Fans: "Duh!"

 

Supergirl: "True power Cat, is who will live and who has to die."

 

I wonder if Superman appears to spank her butt...hmm.

Area 51 - Visitor Center:

James and Winn took the bus to visit Alex and Hank at the DEO. It's okay now, because they have been here before....

Wait, it gets even worse.

Winn: "We are here because Supergirl is acting weird lately."

 

Alex: "Yes, her period is in two weeks so this comes out of nowhere."

 

Hank: "Let's check her activities of the last 48 hours."

 

Alex: "Fire." (actual dialogue)

 

What? How do you come to the conclusion that the rooftop has something to do with it and not maybe solar radiation, Non-El or Maxwell Smart?

Oh wait, it gets even, even worse than that.

Hank: "Make an X-Scan of the area."

 

Wait, you haven't made one before? When you noticed the fire and send Supergirl to help?

Alex: "Look at the radiation signature. That's kryptonite."

 

Winn: "It's synthetic. It's man-made." (actual dialogue)

 

What? Since when became Winn an expert in Synthesis and Exo-Mineralogy...arrrgh, go fuck yourselves!

But fasten your seat belt guys - the real shenanigans is just getting started.

Alex: "Looks like someone wanted to create kryptonite but created Pricktonite™ instead."

 

James: "Who the hell would make kryptonite?" (actual dialogue)

 

Seriously James? It was obviously Richard Pryor. I need a calling name for you James...something that displays how useless you are...

Maxwell Smart: "That would be me."

 

Are you telling me he walked into the DEO just like that? Obviously two guards let him in without informing the director Hank Henshaw. Someone is about to get fired.

Alex makes this cryptic face again and therefore Max has to pay a visit to his favorite glass dome.

Maxwell Smart: "C'mon guys. I'm here to help."

 

Hank Henshaw: "We took down your bizarre creation."

 

Maxwell Smart: "It took a lot of energy, money and experiments to create her and all that time I had this substance whos sole purpose was to kill Kryptonians."

 

You hear that you stupid writers? Kryptonite KILLS Kryptonians! They don't put them to sleep or just weaken them! Gosh!

James: "You are mad!"

 

Yes James, earn that paycheck! Oh wait, now I remember why your character is so familiar - you are exactly like that Roman Pearce character from the Fast & Furious franchise. Utterly useless but always something obvious or unimportant to say. From now on I call you - Tyrese okay?

Maxwell Smart: "I tried to re-create kryptonite but I didn't get it right."

 

Let me guess? You added tar to the formula?

Hank Henshaw: "Satellite on that rooftop..it was yours?" (actual dialogue)

 

There was a satellite on that rooftop? Or did you meant a satellite dish? Or did a satellite crashed onto the rooftop? WTF?

Hank Henshaw: "You set a trap for Non."

 

Maxwell Smart: "That fire was an accident. I didn't wanted to harm any earthly humans I swear."

 

Tyrese: "So you booby-trapped your satellite to lure Non to check on it and then your kryptonite would kill him?"

 

You really earn your paychecks Tyrese. Thanks for summing the last 2 minutes up for us.

Maxwell Smart: "It didn't worked exactly as planned."

 

Alex: "It never does with you!"

 

Maxwell Smart: "I didn't know Supergirl would show up!" (actual dialogue)

 

Are you fucking kidding me Max? Of course she would. She even showed up at an elementary school to deal with 8-year old bullies! At least we know now how that Pricktonite™ ended up on that roof even though it sounds pretty retarded. Satellites burn out at re-entry.

Alex: "Liar! You always wanted to kill her."

 

Maxwell Smart: "Listen, when I found out she was exposed to the Pricktonite™ I started to track her and saw that she let that alien escape. I didn't know what effect that stuff had to her until I saw her dropping Cat Grant from her building."

 

Winn: "Ms. Grant is dead!!!"

 

Don't worry Winn. This show is PG-13. Only ugly people die in this show aka aliens.

Maxwell Smart: "No, that kitty has nine lives. She is fine."

 

Alex: "But Supergirl isn't."

 

Maxwell Smart: "Alex, I came here to make it right. I created Pricktonite™, maybe I can create an antidote?"

 

I swear those two end up in bed soon.

 

 

CatCo - Queen of Hearts Announcement Speech:

Cat Grant: "Dear citizens of National City. As you all know, I have been Supergirl's most outspoken champion."

 

What?

A champion is chosen. You just chosen yourself Cat Grant. And why did you needed Winn the last time to set up a camera when you obviously had minions at hand with such expertise?

But I digress.

Cat Grant: "Supergirl is no longer our friend. She has shown her true colors by throwing me from my phallic symbol of success."

 

The little girl Supergirl saved from the bullies is sad and tosses her Supergirl pyjama into the garbage bin. Seriously? Your biggest idol Supergirl stopped by to save you from your schoolmates and called you a friend but when an old hag from her ivory tower declares she is evil you immediately reject your idol?

Aargh.

The fire department, where one of the fire workers Supergirl saved is from, remove the Supergirl centerfold from the wall.

Fire Worker: "She saved my life. Because of her I can still be with my wife and children...but...but when Cat Grant says she is evil then I have to believe her."

 

AAArrrrgh!

Cat Grant: "Gather your pitchforks and torches citizens of National City!"

 

Cat Grant really is the secret super-villain in this show. She even monologues like one.

 

 

Supergirl's Luxury Apartment of...new fashion?

Alex enters her sisters apartment with an earthly Glock 17. Supergirl awaits her to present her new dress because women always find an excuse to change wardrobe. This has nothing to do with being evil dear writers. It's genetic.

Supergirl: "Like my new outfit sister?"

 

Alex: "Looks like a wetsuit. Wanna go surfin'?"

 

Supergirl: "Water. I have more fun burning stuff."

 

Alex: "Are you insane? You just vaporized all your clothes! That was half the budget for this show!"

 

Supergirl: "You have always been jealous of my powers sister. You never wanted me to become Supergirl because I can fly, catch bullets with my bare hands and toss elderly women from buildings."

 

Alex: "It was Pricktonite™. It messes with your brain."

 

Supergirl: "But I can see clearly now! You felt worthless in my presence and never wanted me to embrace my powers. And then you took me into the DEO to retain that control over me."

 

To be fair, that is a good point. Like her cousin Superman, she has godlike powers and could solve any problem with ease. That always gives writers the trouble to write a story that can't be solved in two minutes. So they shoehorned all these characters and situations inside to justify a 45 minute weekly drama-reel without any substance.

I really hope Supergirl can't be healed because she isn't sick. She actually just broke the 4th wall and saw what kind of shit is going on with this show. This show seriously would become pretty interesting if Supergirl remains dick-ish.

Supergirl: I am finally free...muhahaha!"

 

Alex watches her sister fly away and we see Kara's clothes in the background....unburnt!

 

 

Area 51 - Dick Control:

Hank Henshaw: "Where is Supergirl?"

 

Alex: "Going postal."

 

Blaferase: "The mission of the DEO is to go against alien threats...and maybe heist..and fires...and bombings. Anyway, the point is Supergirl saved my life but we have a responsibility towards the citizens of National City. And National City alone! No other city in this universe is ever in danger what makes me wonder why everyone still lives here."

 

Hank Henshaw: "Red shirts assemble!"

 

Alex: "How is the antidote going?"

 

Maxwell Smart. "I finished it hours ago and spent the next few hours building this cool looking gun to deliver it."

 

Alex: "You mean I could have used it already in Supergirl's apartment?"

 

Maxwell Smart: "Oops!"

 

 

The one and only cafe in National City:

Supergirl sits at the bar and listening to Cat Grant's defamation. She empties a bowl of nuts and...oh no. Do they really re-hash the complete plot of Superman III in this episode?

And they took that bar scene because it was the cheapest to recreate? Tipping the tower of Pisa or stealing the Statue of Liberty was obviously to expensive to make. Oh boy, I have a bad feeling of how this episode will end.

 

Sigh.

Supergirl destroys a few bottles but refuses to melt the mirror because that causes bad luck. A half-mile size flatscreen at an overpass shows Cat Grant's hate-speech in 16k Ultra-HD but Supergirl smashes it. The police immediately opens fire on her because she is a dick to flatscreens. She destroy a few cop cars with her trusted Plasma-Vision™ and suddenly the DEO enters the frame with their famous teleport SUV's.

They shoot with kryptonite bullets - that creates green muzzle flash for some reason - at her but under the influence of Pricktonite™ she is impervious to harm. Kryptonite only works one at a time. Alex wants to use the McGuffin but Supergirl has super-speed and knocks her onto her butt. Hank tries to intervene but gets bitch-slapped. Supergirl is about to vaporize her sister which forces Hank Henshaw to reveal himself to the world as the Martian Manhunter J'onn J'onzz.

Let them fight.

Once more they lift up into the night sky and things happen but we can't see anything. The fight ends at the exact same point where it started so Alex doesn't need to teleport again because she only use it once per episode. She shoots her sister with a red beam that forces the Pricktonite™ radiation out of her body in form of Red Mist. See what I did there?
But now the world is aware of another alien and the oblivious DEO agents raise their guns at him.

Alex: "Go!"

 

But J'onn J'onzz refuses and transform into Hank Henshaw for no reason and gets arrested.

 

 

Area 51 - Coma Station:

Supergirl awakes once more on a table and is shattered by the memories of what she's done.

Supergirl: "Did I kill anyone?"

 

Alex: "No, a few broken bones but that's all."

 

Supergirl: "I remember everything."

 

Alex: "Good, that will help keep the Drama-Train running for at least one more season."

 

 

Blaferase: "What do I call you?"

 

Hank Henshaw: "My name is J'onn J'onzz."

 

Blaferase: "Is the real Hank Henshaw dead?"

 

No, he lives a life as hermit in Nepal.

Blaferase: "I was always afraid of aliens."

 

Of course you were. You are an US-Politician!

Blaferase: "You changed my mind about aliens...but now I see I was right all along."

 

Supergirl changed your mind you retard.

Blaferase: "Last question. Why do you keep that shape anyway. The cat is out of the bag."

 

Hank Henshaw: "CBS budget. Black actors are cheaper than CGI."

 

Alex: "You could have run. Why did you stay?"

 

Hank Henshaw: "Because I spent a thousand years in this cell if it meant you and your sister are safe." (actual dialogue)

 

What?

WTF?

How does this help Alex or Kara?

Boy, that is so fucking retarded...

Much pain.

Such hurt.

 

CatCo - Aftermath:

Kara went to work for some damage control and talks to Tyrese.

Tyrese: "Are you okay?"

 

Kara: "No, actually not. I'm sorry what I said and did to you."

 

Tyrese: "It's okay. You weren't yourself."

 

Kara: "I just wanted to say I didn't hate Lucy...I was jealous of her because I lo.."

 

Tyrese: "Don't! Don't finish that sentence."

 

Kara: "Why?"

 

Tyrese: "This season isn't over yet and we have so much drama left...I need some time alone...for some reason."

 

 

CatCo - Balcony of Evening:

Supergirl meets with Cat Grant to explain her what happened. I have to confess it is a bit corny but it works for this particular scene.

Supergirl: "Ms. Grant, I'm sorry I tossed you from this building."

 

Cat Grant: "I base-jumped Mount Kilimanjaro. Do you really think you scared me?"

 

Supergirl: "You screamed like a girl on the way down!"

 

Cat Grant: "Acting 101."

 

Supergirl: "I'm afraid after what I've done they will never trust me again."

 

Let me sum up what you did wrong as Supergirl so far okay? You dropped Cat Grant but didn't kill her, you killed some bottles - literally, smashed an 80k $ flatscreen, trashed a couple of police cars...and that's it. No burned down orphanage, no broken Hoover Dam, no Man-of-Steel type of carnage - and they built him an oversized bronze statue at ground zero mind you. So you just caused some mild annoyance. The oil spill in the pilot was way more disastrous then anything you did in the whole episode here.

Cat Grant: "If you hope for me to say everything will be okay...that will be not so easy."

 

Supergirl: "I know."

 

Cat Grant: "Hey, I said not easy, not impossible."

 

Supergirl: "You are almost like a mother to me."

 

Cat Grant: "Damnit! I forgot Carter again."