My experiences with depressions

Hello. I'm 21 years old and I am suffering from severe depressions and agoraphobia, altough I've made a serious progress during the last year. I have decided to talk openly about the topic, since I want to pass on my feelings and experience.

Depressions started when I was on college and was coming through the hardest school year of my life. They are like a crack upon the gem of your soul. Feeling of complete unusfullness, firm belief you will never find a self realisation and place in life. And fear. Strong fear out of anything to break into the lair of my room. It was like if the world changed into grayscale.I have taken a long path since then. If you suffer from similar feelings, I'd like to share this hope - there is a path into the light and colors again. It consists of tiny, but important steps. My first step was admiting this fear and telling about it to my mom. Then to other members of my family, and my wonderful friends. Step by step creating a site of trustworthy people to help me if I should fall completly, or at the very least aknowledge that something is wrong. I know that you may be lonely and think that nobody will help you, but I have learnt that people have a sense kindness in them. Which is a key to happiness. It just matters how much they decide to use it.

The next step was contacting a psychologist. I was very afraid to confess my fears to a completly unknow person, but in time, I realised how important it was. Psychologist helps to get you on a way of introspection, to trully look into yourself. To look through lies of your illness. Lies like "You are useless," "You shouldn't breath the air of others," or even "You deserve to die". No. In time, I was able to think sentences "I have a purpose," "I should breath as I need," and most importantly "I want to live." And it was very hard to get there and sometimes I still stumble a step back when it comes to these. There is no shortcut on this path, but I want to tell you, the path to the healing IS there.

I have still a long trip in front of me, but I have decided to be more active. Thanks for reading and should you suffer from similar problems, I wish you huge strenght.