First post- no thinking - just typing

Let's give this a shot, see if I catch anyones attention or maybe just find a hobby I enjoy. I have not had a blog before, this is all new so spare me. I do write, draw, doodle, paint, craft and  whatever else I can get my hands on.

My hands...so important, everything I do, my hands are involved. I have lupus, I was diagnosed with Systematic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) the week of my 25th birthday. The disease, this fucking cruel mysterious disease has done more than take a toll. I knew there was something wrong with me when I was 18, didn't get the diagnosis until SEVEN years late. But hey, thats autoimmune diseases, just a guess and constant testing. Anyway, typing is painful. My fingers always staying straight out, bending them at all brings out a noncontrolled amount of leakage from the face.

I was a nurse. I am a nurse. I had a future... and now I feel less than a shell of myself. The pain is unsetteling agony. I had to quit my job from the chronic fatigue, the joint pain...hair loss ( that was me being vain lol)   What do I do? I don't want the pharmasuticals. The doctors do no know what the fuck their doing.  I don't have a support group. Maybe you, whoever is reading this? You're my support. I did not know what I was going to sit down and type.

What came out on this page is what must be weighing on my heart, fear. 

Fear of the unknown. Fear of my body quitting before I've even gotten started.