Yayo Short 11: Eat like a Fool
"I love whole chickens in a can." thought Yayo as she was pulling out a large can of 'Doctor Licious Whole Cooked Chicken' out of her beige yellow tinted kitchen cupboard.
For Yayo, not many thing were more holy than her personal diet. Although a normal human wouldn't call Yayo's choices of meals a diet. Between Whole Chickens and pickled frogs, there was a whole barrage of the weirdest exotic foods. From baked Zebra, chocolate covered jellyfish and salted fish eyes to the peppered skin of a 13 year old oak-tree, Yayo had a lot to offer.
"Imported from the finest vendors from all over the world." Yayo huffed in excitement for her chicken.
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5 Days Later
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Location: A Bus on the way to the Rocky Mountains.
"Miss...Miss?" A rather wimpy and skinny looking dude dressed in all beige with short shorts and a shirt that said: ROFLMAO was desperately trying to attract the attention of our orange-headed heroine.
"What," Yayo asked the guy annoyed," I hate being interrupted while eating."
"That is just the thing," the wanna be man replied," you...you can't eat that here."
"Huh? Why? Isn't this a Travel Bus? There is no sign of a crossed out bag of french fries or a burger at the Bus door." Yayo smuggishly retorted, while waving around one of her tiny fingers through air.
"That....that is true," stuttered the awkward cuck porn movie actor," but...but...NOT THAT!" He pointed at an open can of 'Doctor Licious Whole Cooked Chicken' standing on the seat next to Yayo.
"This smell," he continued," is horrendous. You are disturbing the other p...p...passengers."
The guy looked incredibly awkward. Pretending to be dominant was not one of his strong points.
"Are you sure it is my delicious can of 'Doctor Licious Whole Cooked Chicken'? Maybe its you. You don't look like the type who has seen a shower recently."
Upon hearing this, the scrawny man let out a shocked shriek and almost fell over. Luckily he was able to support himself on a nearby seat.
"How....how...how...dare you," he angrily pointed at Yayo," your offensive behavior has been duly noted."
"Not showering is offensive behavior." Yayo quipped.
The Guy shrieked again. It was quite clear to Yayo, that this guy was not very mentally sound.
"I will call...call...the...." his stuttering getting worse by the second.
"The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services?" Yayo interrupted. "That is a good idea," she went on," you are really a hazard. I have not seen such a threat to human life since Chernobyl."
At this point in the conversation, Yayo was just taking the piss out the poor man. She hated getting distracted from eating, and she was going to teach the guy a lesson, no matter what.
Yayo was not quite finished though. With a smug expression on her face she decided to turn up to 100: "As a matter of fact. During World War 2 when the Americans were debating what to throw on Japan, they, at first decided to throw you on Nagasaki, but later opted for a nuclear bomb instead. Wanna know why?"
Yayo climbed on top of the back-rest of her seat.
"Because it was more humane.
The Showers were invented just for you, but you decided to never use them. Are you a hippie? Even a Durian fruit smells better than you. Smelly little boy!"
...
Then, nothing.
Under the immense verbal warfare committed by Yayo, the dude collapsed and fell, almost lifeless, to the floor.
Afterwards, Yayo redirected her attention to the rest of the passengers, who at this point were on high alert, due to the ruckus.
"Everybody please take a look at this man. This is what happens if you eat too much soy and never shower. You'll turn into a Scarecrow following the yellow brick road to your own demise."
Yayo's Macho-Man impression wasn't the best, but it had its effect nevertheless. Nobody would bother her again during the rest of the journey.
"Although," Yayo muttered to herself after returning to her seat," my Chicken does smell kind of odd. Oh well."
She giggled while chowing down with relish on a canned chicken leg.
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The journey from her home to the Rocky Mountains would take a while, so Yayo brought with her a collection of her favorite books.
Master Kung Fang's 13 Tricks on how to point at things
How I mistook my wife for a Hat
Burning Love: The Autobiography of a Man with persistent diarrhea
Subverting Expectations, or how I ran out of Ideas
The Life of a Do...
"Hey what are you doing Yayo? You can't just scribble stuff out while I am narrating." Said I, the narrator.
"We already did the joke with the stupid Book titles," responded Yayo," think of something else."
"Fine..." I moaned.
The Sun was slowly setting on the horizon. It was getting dark soon. "Might as well catch some rest," Yayo thought," tomorrow is going to be a long day of hunting."
With that, she closed the book she was reading, laid back in her seat, shut her eyes and fell asleep.
"Not yet dumbo," Yayo spouted," how does someone fall asleep instantly?"
"Geez, sorry." I apologized.
After a couple of Minutes Yayo fell asleep.
"There, better?" I asked Yayo frustrated.
"Better." answered Yayo in a smart-aleck kind of way.
Sometimes I hated Yayo for her snarky attitude. Oh well, at least she isn't part of an awful Harry Potter Fan-fiction.
To be continued...
