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The Cinema-Going Garbage Man Reviews: Incredibles 2

TheGarbageManJun 20, 2018, 10:32:44 PM

What have I gotten myself into?

14 years ago, I saw the original The Incredibles in the theater with a girlfriend. It was great, all the action, drama, and high-stakes sex. The movie was pretty good, too.

After my girlfriend broke up with me, I went into a long-term depression, where any mention of the movie The Incredibles would spaz me out into a violent rage, usually stopped upon bruised knuckles and destroyed furniture.

But the years have calmed my love anger and made the Pixar/Disney movie watchable again. Maybe even enjoyable. So when the trailer finally dropped for this long-announced sequel, I was down. I have my own kids to take to the movies now, and my ex-girlfriend is probably long-dead from cervical cancer.

Actual subtitles cut from the theatrical release.

The movie opens with the greatest Asian stereotype movie Pixar has ever tried to get away with. I think they will too, my trigger-dar wasn’t picking up any discomfort from the Mexican members of the theater, so I’m sure it’ll be fine. I wanted to yell out “That’s racist!”, like a living meme cunt, but I had my kids with me, and I don’t like explaining that stuff to them. In a crowded theater, anyways.

In the movie Bao, this Asian bitch raises, feeds, and then eventually eats a bao, or steamed meat-filled dough ball. The slants love ‘em. This animated short feels awkward, dark, and somewhat insulting to both the audience and the culture it is supposed to be paying homage to. 

I mean her little bao son marries a white woman, and that’s that’s the most insulting thing to her, what causes her to go homicidal and eat her own living thing that she created.

I know they were trying to go for some deep meaning of losing something that you’ve made, in this case your child, but it was stupid and shallow. I hated it.

I give the short, Bao, 1 out of 4 Garbage Cans. Lazy script, culturally marxist, and a forced lesson, the worst kind of lessons.

It makes me so angeree.

Incredibles 2 starts up where the original left off. You’d think things would be okay after they defeat the Mole Fucker, but things never turn out the way they should.

This movie was trying to emulate the average struggle of an American family living out of their hotel room after that asshole in the first movie blew up their home.

It was relatable. I remember when my brother left the electric blanket going on while we went to get our heads checked for lice, many moon ago. When we returned home, it had fallen full of smoke as my father struggled to bring the still smoldering mattress from the house. So, in a way, we were all superheros.

There is some kid friendly humor, along with a “oh God” loudly exclaimed by that guy who used to play Coach on TV. Some parts were funny, but it was that kind of humor that you laugh at and felt okay that you laughed. Not all dirty and used, like I feel after a laugh.

The raccoon battle was also probably one of the greatest superhero battles captured on the big screen, so it had that also.

But the plot is what irked me most. It was just basically a rehash of the original's, with like one or two twists. This movie would have been appropriate to release 10 years ago, not 14. 

With the length of time in between the two movies, there should have more evolution in both the characters and the lives they live.

She thic as fuck, boy.

Rating: 2 Garbage Cans out of 4. I was really expecting more from Pixar. But that’s what happens when I expect from people; They always let me down. 

Incredibles 2 is fine for the kids, even with their slights of “girl power” peppered throughout the movie. Don’t let it trigger ya.

To sum up my feels on this movie, it was underwhelming. 14 years in between sequels seems like enough time to figure out how to make an involving and smart plotline, not a thin rehash of the original, just with more play on the family roles.

This was a quick Cinema-Going Garbage Man Review. Don’t eat the popcorn.