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The Cheap-Ass Gaming Garbage Man Reviews: Warhammer: Vermintide II

TheGarbageManJul 24, 2018, 2:55:19 AM

I don’t even want to review this game…

That’s how underwhelming it is.

Last year, I reviewed the first Vermintide when it was still known as The End Times. Well you can’t have very many sequels with a name like that, so they dropped it in favor of a more happy future.

Warhammer fact #3,855: The End Times were not, in fact, the end times.

"You just got to have faith" -Limp Bizkit, not George Michael.

I picked it up on the Xbox Gamer Pass, of which has been consistently shoveling out average to mediocre games lately. I’m almost ready to cancel the subscription for a bit and moving on to greener worlds.

But they surprised me by dropping this game, which I thought was already out, in mid-July. Turns out that it had been out on PC, but this was day-one console release on the Xbox Gamer Pass. Neat.

If you haven't played the first Vermintide, this is a Left 4 Dead clone set in the Warhammer universe, fending off hordes of Skraven. It is fun, for a while, but endgame becomes nothing more than a gear grind, unlocking a few nice skills, but nothing that’ll make you go “WOW!” or anything.

Warhammer fact #12,694: Gear is all over the Warhammer universe and no one knows how it got there. Probably Dwarves or something.

Krieger's got what you need!

This game is the same game as the first, using the more equals better strategy in everything except level lengths, which has been thankfully cut shorter, making each level a 15 to 20 minute affair, rather than the 30 to an hour marathons of the first Vermintide.

The glitches and graphics are something to bitch about. Too many times did my xbox reset, cut out, and look like Potato mode. They’ve had a few months to sharpen this game up for console, not release a playable Beta.

And the complete lack of dedicated servers make every connection a nail-biter until the last run to the portal home. Show some faith in the franchise, Games Workshop, jeez...

Warhammer fact #26,743: The only thing dedicated in Warhammer are its fans. Warhammer isn’t even dedicated to Warhammer.

There can be no help for Warhammer fans.

By the time I had unlocked the awesomely OP’ed Slayer dwarf class, I was only interested in completing the story and experiencing the well-made levels. The set pieces and expansive vistas are cool, though a bit foggy at times, leaving me wanting more than what I was given.

And where the fuck are all the new enemies? All we got some more rats and humans, known as Northerners. Not enough for me. I feel lied to.

But it’s probably because I’m a spoiled, ungrateful gamer.

And that's about all you'll do.

Rating: 3 out of 5. If you liked the first Vermintide, you’ll love the sequel. If you like Left 4 Dead, you’ll probably like it, too. But if you like tight, expansive, multi-leveled FPS experiences, don’t get Warhammer: Vermintide 2.

These games are basically uber-fan service, something that has kept the franchise afloat for decades now. It’s not bad, it’s just very narrow in its audience.

I’d recommend its 12-hour campaign, but stop after that. The gear game and character unlocks are meant for the people that play only Warhammer games until the next one comes out once a month.

This was the Cheap-ass Gaming Garbage Man. 

Warhammer fact #39,999: Friends don’t let friends buy Warhammer stuff.

If you care, the streams for the game can found here.

Watch the mess for yourself.