The Havamal: A Heathen Path of Living (Part 25)

44.

If you find a friend you fully trust

And wish for his good-will,

Exchange thoughts, exchange gifts,

Go often to his house.

45.

If you deal with another you don't trust

But wish good from him,

Be fair in speech but false in thought

And give him lie for lie.

46.

Even with one you ill-trust

And whose mind you may not know,

Laugh with him, but speak not your mind,

Like gifts to his shall you give.

These stanzas continue the advice on how to deal with friends and enemies. The first stanza seems likes like simple advice: if you have a friend, then spend time with that person, open up to him, and do things for him. But, I am often surprised how often my clients will forget this. In the course of my work, I will have clients who describe themselves as stressed and/or depressed. I always ask them what they like to do for fun and who they like to hang out with. Many of them will describe things that they enjoy or people who they consider friends, but that they no longer do the things they like or spend much time with their friends. The reason I typically get is, “I’m too busy.” I direct those clients to make time. When they resist, I simply have to ask them, “If you can’t make time for the things you enjoy and the friends you consider important, then what is the point of living? Why are you working so long and hard if you can’t even enjoy it?”

The next two stanzas discuss how to deal with enemies, or at least people you don’t fully trust. These stanzas give the simple advice that if you don’t fully trust someone, but you still have to deal with them for some reason, then be pleasant, but don’t be a sucker and don’t give up any secrets. If that person is not dealing with you fairly, then it is acceptable to treat him the same. Remember our previous discussion on karma, if that person is deceiving you, then they don’t get to complain when you deceive them.