When I am dead, I want people to remember me by starting off each sentence with He was the craziest weirdo I knew, this one time he drove a pickup truck down a mountain without any brakes.. Then in Peace Corps I heard he drove a motorcycle through some jungle taking out three small trees before ending up in a cemetery where he woke up with a group of women around him and very little clothes. Lets be honest he was naked as a jaybird. His screams of brajas and running back to the hospital are legendary in some places in Bolivia.

No Shit, There I Was.' stuck in the back of a police car. The night before was a bit of a blur.It had been a birthday party.Her parents and Bolivia celebrate a lot more than I am use to. Being dressed in a suit with white shirt, I noticed blood going down in blotches on the shirt. I looked in the mirror and discovered I was missing my two-front teeth. I tried the door and evidently a drunk Gringo in Bolivia is of no concern because the door opened. I got out of the car and was walking down the road from the police station. I got to where they kept the riot dogs before anyone noticed me.

All of a sudden, I had four police officers trying to persuade me in Spanish to get away from the riot dog's cage. For whatever rationale my mind turned against the police.I said in my poor Spanish I trusted the dogs more than them.Myself being of unsafe mind at the time. As I said I did not trust them, I backed right up in a cage. When they tried to get me away, I pushed them aside. I then opened the cage and picked up a large Rottweiler the dog being as big as a small pony and threw her at them.

The police yelled all gringo Es matalo. Meaning I later translated the stranger is dead. The dog turned and looked at me. This is that no shitting moment; I was totally not in my right mind. I put my arm down the dog's throat. The dog fit my whole arm up to my biceps right arm above my elbow into her mouth, nothing it could do but stare at me.

The dog's eye bugged out. I think she was thinking I was going to be stupid. At that moment, clarity happened, a deity was with me and I removed my arm and picked up the huge dog and put her back in her cage. There was that ‘no shit I was there moment with two-front teeth missing in Bolivia.

The week before in another tale, I meet my first witches in my ‘No Shit, There I Was.' I had been out trying to find a good wine. There was a winery some eight miles away from where I was staying, prepared to try to get there that I caught a ride on the back of a motorcycle to an old hacienda I promised half my take to hitch the ride. We got there, and the regular housekeeper was not there. The owner of the hacienda was. Instead of paying the regular eight Bolivianos for the bottles of wine he asked for only five Bs so I bought 10 bottles. The nurse and myself drinking a bottle with the owner was a fair idea. The problem being the wine was spiked with pure grain alcohol 180 proof. On the way back the nurse persuaded me to stop at an old hacienda and talk with the owner. My Spanish is bad, but I must have had some good conversation because he invited us for some old Cognac.I think the mixture of wine and cognac was not such a good idea, however I suppose the drinking was good.

Anyway the next thing I recall is taking a hold of a tree near a river on the back of the motorcycle and pulling it out by its roots. The motorcycle and all went into a river. We entered a river and that is where I lost sight until I woke up.

The movie the Game where the character wakes up in a cemetery that was me.Except I was surrounded by women, and had no clothes.No Shit, There I was buck naked with little concept of what was going on, I screamed "brajas." My meaning witches and ran all the way to the place I was staying at without a stitch of clothing on.That was a wild week.

A few months prior to that at a fraternity gathering, we were having fun surfing on slides. In Bozeman, Montana there is not much to do without money.However, that night we decided to surf on slides behind a truck on the roads.This is where I know there is a deity looking out for me.Sliding on the slide the driver took a curve way too sharp and I ended up snapping the rope and sliding a block under a car and then getting stuck under a truck head first without the possibility of getting out without help. No Shit, There I was stuck under a truck with snow crushed on both sides of me.The deity that watches over me was good an inch one way or another and I would have ended up hitting a tire at a rather fast speed.

Working on the Orion program was fun. Meeting people that were building the future spacecraft to go to the asteroid belt was intense. The program continued to have problems both politically and technically. The technical issue was a female engineer whose quality inspection of the safety of the parachute system wanted to add an additional cost of fifty-five million dollars to show that the mathematics of her probability would never come true.

On one of the many teleconference that I had to listen into the inspector started yelling and screaming that math does not prove anything.

Myself, I was curious enough to open the document which was a probability statement. The charges to fire the parachute had to malfunction than the door would have to hit the parachute line not once but eight times. The end summary was a one in 32 million chance that all eight charges would go-off at once hitting the eight lines attaching the parachute causing a fatality. The math was simple enough for me to understand. So I interrupted the teleconference being only an analyst person new and tired of hearing a woman screaming about a probability. My question was pretty simple. Which part of the math statement in the equation did she not agree with. Silence on the phone. She did not reply. Her comment after a time was to ask who asked the question and what right did I have to ask it. I responded who I was and silence. Someone was laughing; I think they, thought they were on mute. The woman was just silent. The meeting continued in a different direction.

Since I had to present on my information at the end of the meeting, I was quick and precess on detail to my topic. The meeting ended, and I stayed to finish off the minutes. I had not cut off the conference call when I heard two of the NASA team members talk.

Anyone on? I tried to get my mute button off, but the headset and paperwork on my desk got in my way. The tone - laughter "Well, that was an unexpected meeting, " said a person. "Yes, I thought (name of the woman)was going to explode, " said the other. "Who is Clinton? " I was not sure, which asked the question. "He took over for Shirley." voice on the phone."Well, he is trying to do his job and keep the program on schedule." a different voice on the phone.

"Yes, I wonder if no one has told him we are punting the program until 2021." "What? Why? " "Unofficially technical problems. The whole program is going to be oil, canned for two or three years. After that it will be brought back. By that time, the government will announce that they have been contacted by aliens."

This conversation took place so fast that by the time I got the mute button off that was what I had heard. "Forgive, me, " I said with that the conference call talker's hung up. I finished my notes from the meeting and sent them out and checked out and that was a No Shit, there I was the moment when I received a phone call for an interview I took the interview the next day handed in my resignation.

After bouncing around work wise, I ended up on a program with an overhang.The manager told me to fix a three million dollar problem.My mind and body could not handle that.I ended up working on an off-Friday and took off to see the doctor.The doctor said I needed to exercise. I went and joined a gym that day and lifted a few thousand pounds of weight.I went to shower and the place stunk so I left without a shower to watch World War Z.Middle of the movie I felt something bite my foot.Getting home I thought I had a swollen ankle. So I placed the ankle up high and eat nothing did nothing Saturday and Sunday.Monday I went into work and was sick so I went to an Emergency MED clinic.They x-rayed the ankle and said I was fine take some pain MEDs.That night I got violently ill. I threw up five to six gallons of water.I went to an ER near my apartment.They took some tests and unbalanced me over to the hospital. I spent the next seven days losing weight and on pain MEDs.The doctor did not like me and sent me home. My neighbors seeing me called the fire department that came over and after hearing I was in the hospital for seven days told me to walk my pain off. ‘No shit, I was there when the nurse coming to set up the antibacterial medicines saw me and gave me 15 dollars for a taxi ride to the hospital where they took a foot long three-inch deep section from my ankle up towards my knee that night because they finally found that my ankle had died. That is the no shit I was there the moment I survived living as a zombie in a hospital for seven days and was sent home with flesh-eating bacteria. I survived that no shit I was there moment. When asked how I got my scare my story is that I was pushing my boat into the Great Salt Lake when a tiny salt lake shark came after a pregnant woman and her two kids, well I jumped in and saved them only to lose my ankle. ‘No shit, I was there.'

I got home being fired from my job, I have put out resumed when my wife asked me ‘did I hear that.' I found out that day I was deaf. However, I was lucky that a neighbor putting together a zip gun had been firing the gun into the closet and missed the closet, putting the bullet through three walls and into the door frame right above my head that ‘no shit I was there moment.' Lucky I still had insurance for hearing aids.

Getting my job in a different state I started throwing up. Due to the insurance policy, I knew I needed to be back in my state for care. Flying home on the plane, the plane crew was going to set the plane down because I was so sick. Arriving in the airport, the fire crew offered an ambulance ride.Due to my prior ambulance ride costing me 3000 for six miles I said no thanks.I caught a ride to the hospital. They said they could save my foot Sunday that ‘no shit, I was told there moment.' 1 AM Monday they awoke me, had me sign a paper and Tuesday I awoke without a foot. Flesh-eating bacterium again was going to get me. My story when asked what happen is that I was walking with my wife in Yellowstone when a grizzly bear awoke from hibernation and came after us. I got my wife into a tree, but the bear got my foot and put me in a snowdrift to eat later that ‘no shit, I was there moment'. Lucky or unlucky depends on how you see your life.