time of love

Love in modern college life is like a bacteria culture all mixed up- I did not find love in college or high school. It took a while for me to find a person that I enjoyed their company with at all. I was rather an odd duck. I was religious to extent that caused me problems with everything that was true. Humor. I see my life tale of love to be that of an example of not to do for other not to follow. Love in college was like a sore throat. The longer you try to understand or wonder about the person you have fallen for the further you realize that they are not the one for you or that love is the last emotion from their lives. Living within love thought that feeling made you wonder. If beauty makes the love, something worthwhile or is the pain of rejection or the surprise of finding someone other than the norm attractive or dressed to differently make you a gender bender or a is it just the age of indifference towards morals or love that has caused such a weird wild ride. I was in love with two ladies. This was the years between undergraduate school and graduate school. Undergraduate school I went to the nerd groups, the religious groups, finally joining a frat to belong. I dated a few girls. All of them were good a tkissing and listening but I was not there I was not involved with them because I could not communicate with them. That was the tie with my final wife. I wroe her daily during our three years relationship between getting to know her and dating and marriage. lBoth the same career path finishing their doctorate's degree both familiar with each other background. One a bit shy, the other, outgoing and spirited a wild party girl. . I was their play thing for a few months. My emotions a roll coaster ride which ended up with me losing a job and my two-front teeth right before Christmas time. The one gave up writing me. The other wrote me for two years. On the other hand, at least, that is what I thought. I told her of my dreams, my desires, my path through life. I dreamed with her in writing some thousand or more Hotmail’s. I got responses enough that I called constantly and was an emotional wreck. Years later, I married her and was devoted to her to my path of career and advancement through the corporate world. My emotions were destroyed by an email I found of hers describing her time with me and her desire to be with someone else. She denied the letter, but it was on her computer and was written by her. I lost a great job that year emotional a wreck. Then the following years I discovered that she did not read nor write me back all those years ago. She let her sister do it for as little as 20 dollars; to fall in love and out of love for 20 dollars. It crushed me. I lost desire again and my body literally rejected itself. First a right ankle eaten by flesh-eating bacteria she was on travel visiting her parents. She did not care that I was in hospice. You never know how scary life is till you talk to people that are dying and you understand them in their medical state. Meaning I was placed there and not told that it was hospice and was not sleeping at all. She called four times in three months. I should have realized she was hoping for something. Humor, if I was to go back in time I would have changed my sight on who the creator was or is. Those people survive at times just because I would remind the nurses hey were is Steve to have his meal brought to him or he brought to the table. Then a few months a little later my left foot was eaten and I was placed on disability and eyes. Humor love in today’s emails computerizes age is fickle. What was once a time-honored love to share to communicate with someone was used to destroy that which is love for me? I believe that love is there somewhere in the Internet. Maybe letters are true for someone. But for me I was played both by phone and email. I realize I was not her true love but I did not realize her amount of hate for me till I lost part of my ankle. Email was a wasted life adventure that brought to me a small family of two daughters. A wife who no longer loves nor cares for me and sadness that I still enjoy her laugh which she reserves for others and not me. I hear her tone of voice and realize that I must have failed her and that failing is something she enjoys to remind me with her tone of voice to this day. I wished that the telephone and email at times would have been more truthful or shown me more of what a person was that I was communicating with. For I failed to check the background and at present realize that Iw as an escape for her and that at the moment without employment, she will escape me via her lover on Facebook. Humor what a person learned of another person. The funny part is I have started to write people again on Facebook to see what has happened to them. I wonder if we all could tell the same story I was wrong in listening or communicating to the person that I thought loved me.