Valentine's Day 2019

Valentine's Day, what is it exactly? Wikipedia says that it's a holiday on the calendar on which couples get to fall in love and friends exchange greeting cards. It seems like it's a day on which to be happy. However, to me it causes depression. Why? Why should a "happy day" make me so blue? All my life I have been a loner. I have never really had any close friends. Nor have I ever been in "love". To me, Valentine's Day is just another day on the calendar. It can't compare to Christmas because there is an energy I get from the Christmas season that I have never gotten from Valentine's Day.

It doesn't seem right that I am alone and single at this time of year. Other people get to be happy, getting married, having "sex" and whatnot on Valentine's Day. But not me. No, apparently this universe does not think that I am worthy of love or a wife or girlfriend. I have tried Facebook (FAIL) and online dating (TRIPLE MEGA FAIL). None of those things worked for me. I guess, then, I am an "Adam" that will never have his "Eve".

But why is it this way? I guess women these days either are so consumed by their stupid smart phones that they are oblivious to my existence OR society has so totally programmed the opposite sex to NOT care about a man who, although is unemployed and penniless, is good-natured and won't cheat or be unfaithful. It's as if the only things girls and women care about in a "potential mate" are money, job, college degree. If you don't have that, you aren't worth even the time of day, much less a chance at dating. Which is a shame because all that's leading to is a splitting of the sexes and preventing "true love" (whatever that is) from occurring.

If I could be allowed to have my way, I would wish to have a very attractive Asian woman to be my wife. And she would be a very sweet accomodating and forgiving demeanor. She would be the kind who wouldn't judge my "fitness" based on whether I had money, a job, college education or not. Because she'd value love over all other things. Because she would recognize that happiness is much more important than money or material wealth. She would quite literally turn my world upside down. She would be the sun and moon in my sky - the first thing I would see upon waking and the very last thing I would see before falling asleep.

I have been told to engage in prayer and read the Bible. I have been told that "God" fixes everything. But that never seems to actually work for me. I have prayed for both love and employment and it NEVER COMES. I have given up on "miracles"; they simply don't happen. I don't even think "angels" will work. What am I doing wrong? Why am I so unlucky? Am I just stuck with no answers? Am I just lost forever?

I would like to believe that I'm not.