Remember Me Fondly

I met with the Lover over the weekend and lots of good conversation occurred.

I don't want him to divorce his wife for me, at all.

However, since he seems hell-bent on pursuing me and keeping me in his life, he needs to figure out what he really wants because I, also, don't want to be his mistress any longer. In or out, shit or get off the pot, choose me and what we've built or get the fuck out of my way.

Of course, those aren't the words or tones I used, but it was the force behind the resolve I did effectively communicate. 

In one of the discussions, the Lover had a sort of honest realization that when I try to end us, it causes him to feel a sense of resistance to the path. Essentially, he needs to be the one to end it and he's not there yet.

Now, I understand that I can end it at any point and leave him to work through his feelings on his own. I understand this because it's my habit. As a rational, future-thinking individual, I often see a relationship as needing to end long before the emotional people who I tend to attract. I tend to not want to get bogged down in helping people come to my realizations, which can seem heartless, but it's more that I know what needs to be done, I do it, and let people deal with their end on their own, recognizing that it's better for both of us to just get out of what isn't working.

But, as I've traveled this road, it's been really important to me to end the few love affairs in a way that will ensure we both look back fondly on each other and our time together. I mean, what a tragedy it would be for me to have had this journey of love and sexual exploration and have unsettled, unpleasant memories on which to dwell.

So, while the idea of waiting to be dumped is relatively unappealing to me, I will give this man what he needs to walk away from me fondly. Walking with someone until they can walk on their own.

However, it has a time limit. And, I've made suggestions of things he could do to get some real clarity about what it means to be with me since the majority of our relationship has revolved around meeting his needs and me coming into his sphere. It's time he comes my way for a little reality. 

April 4th is do-or-die day.

I will be patient a little longer, but after that, ready or not, perceived as heartless and cold or not, we're going to part ways and I will do it at the risk of ending badly because it needs to be done. 

I do not expect to be chosen. I expect to help this man come to the place I'm already at so that we can part ways and remember each other fondly.