I'd Be a Whore If I Could

Obviously, as a married woman with three children, there are more than just legal ramifications behind the title.

After writing the post If I were a Feminist, This Would Have Been My #MeToo Story, and knowing that the Lover has joined Minds and is reading my posts, I thought about the things I'd written and reflected on the similarities in my treatment of the man about whom the post was written, the Lover, and the other men I'd engaged on my sexual journey.

Listen, you may want to slut-shame me, project a moral/ethical standard or world view onto me, or assign, to me, a psychological disorder. Whatever you need to do to handle your disgust, I can take it, you do you.

Here's the thing: I love meeting a variety of new people and having brief but meaningful interactions with them. I thrive on engaging people where they're at rather than where I want them to be - to be of service to them rather than get something from them. I understand, appreciate, and deeply adore men. I understand sexuality and it's importance to humanity - men in particular - and, I'm not only good at sex, but I also enjoy it. Take any one of those as a single motivation and your criticisms might be valid, but put them all together and I know my talents, strengths, and how they can be applied in a fulfilling and impactful way.

In any other career, passion, or hobby, where moral disgust is absent, we have no problem with a person understanding their natural talents and abilities and applying them to the pursuit of their aspirations. I am good at sex, I'm good at affective and impactful short-term engagements with people, and I have a strong and confident constitution. 

This is what was behind my criticism of Treena Orchard's post about Bumble not being feminist enough. I understand the game, I play it well, and I have no trouble catching a date and enjoying a plethora and wide variety of men. So, when another woman takes five months of her life to see if she can find a good match through a dating app but comes up empty-handed, I know, first hand, it's not the app, it's not the patriarchy, it's her.

I'd be a good whore, probably a better escort, certainly helpful in the sex therapy industry.

Consider that list with me.

"Whore": the option which gets the most moral disgust, and is the least safe, but unlike the other two, it is the one that deals directly with meeting a person's need for sex. And, let me tell you, there has not only, historically, been a market for whores, but there is a rather significant one today. There are a lot of people - not just men - who need sex. For one reason or another, and none for me to judge, this idea that everyone should just find a monogamous mate for life is not a reality for a lot of people. It never has been and it won't be this side of the new heaven and new earth.

Apply whatever moral or philosophical world view you want, there's a reason it's called the oldest profession in the world. Every religion acknowledges its existence and none provide society with the means of its eradication. Outlawing and punishing it only drives it underground. Religion, philosophy, and known scientific realities only arm the individual with the wisdom of risk involved with engaging in it.

"Escort": The one that makes us feel a little less squeamish because we understand that the option often includes more than sex. We understand that "escort" includes some form of short term companionship and, sometimes, doesn't include sex at all. It seems less dirty because a relationship of sorts, beyond sex, is involved.

It also seems less dirty because unlike "whore", and the picture of a streetwalker or filthy, 'den of iniquity' most of us have in our heads, "escort" brings up images of the upper class in more sanitized conditions.

"Sex Therapy": The sanitized and socially approved place for me to aim my aspirations. I can 'help' without being 'dirty', putting myself at risk, and by making everyone comfortable with what seems like a more noble outlet for my talents and abilities. The problem is, not everyone can obtain or even wants therapy.

Don't get me wrong, entering the sex therapy industry is very appealing to me, for the reason that I'm a wife and mom, and because, despite the, sometimes very unfair, stereotype of sluts - I'm not dumb. In my sexual journey, I don't feel worthless, I don't feel like there are no other options open to me, I'm not seeking love or acceptance through male sexual attention, I don't need to understand and find 'real' love ... I'm not broken. I understand sex, and human relationships around sex, academically, intuitively, and experientially.

And, because I do, society may view the three (and the spectrum between the rungs), as on a scale from bad-to-good, but I see all of them as providing, for the individual, many options which meet people where they're at and within their means.

So, you avoid the ones that make you feel eeky, but I support the existence of sex work, in whatever form it comes. And, if my situation and laws were different, you'd find me as your local madam, running the best little whore house in Maine.