Wednesday Jokes!

Holy Water

A bus load of nuns die in a crash and go to heaven. St Peter asks the 1st nun, 
"Have you ever had contact with a penis?"



She says "I touched one with my finger"



St Peter says "Dip it in Holy water"



He asks the next nun.



"I fondled one" she says.



St Peter's reply was "Put your hand in Holy water"



Suddenly they hear a commotion as a nun pushes her way to the front.

St Peter asks "Whats your rush?"



"Well if I'm going to gargle that Holy water, I need to do it before sister Anne dips her arse in it.

Sponsored luncheon for elderly

Letter sent to the principal of a school who had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly ...
..


Dear Reyer School:


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I'm 94 years old and live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged.

My family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a result, I have very limited contact with the outside world. This makes your gift especially welcome.



My roommate, Maggie Cook, has had her own radio for as long as I've known her. She listens to it all the time, though usually with an earplug or with the volume so low, I can't hear it. For some reason, she has never wanted to share it.



Last Sunday morning, while listening to her morning gospel programs, she accidentally knocked her radio off its shelf. It smashed into many pieces, and caused her to cry. It was so sad.

Fortunately, I had my new radio. Knowing this, Maggie asked if she could listen to mine. I told her to pound sand and die!



God bless you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.