Friday Jokes!

The Pickle Slicer...

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. 

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. 

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. 

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. 

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" 



"Oh, Bill, you didn't." 



"Yes, I did." 



"My God, Bill, what happened?" 



"I got fired." 



"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" 



"Oh...she got fired too."

Who to lay off?

Dave was the vice-president of ACME inc. One day the president, Mr. Smith called him into his office. He told Dave that they had to make some cutbacks and either Jack or Barb would have to be laid off. 



Dave looked at Mr Smith and said, "Barb is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know who to fire." 



"I'll tell you what to do. Fire the first one of them who comes in to work tomorrow" Mr. Smith replied. 



The next morning Dave waited for either Jack or Barb to show up. Barb was the first to arrive. 

Dave said to her "Barb I've got a problem." 



"Really? What's wrong?" Barb replied. 



"Well you see, I've got to lay you or Jack off, and I don't know what to do?" 



Barb replied, "Jack off! I've got a headache."