Don't let Go; a comedy ;-)

Lady: Holyshit!!! It is a good thing I grabbed on to your hand. I thought I wasn’t going to make it.

Douche-bag: Well I don’t know lady. It’s not like you asked for my consent. It was purely accidental that my hand was hanging there. I feel used and oppressed right now.

Lady: What?!? What the hell are you talking about? You reached out your hand to me. Your body language clearly meant that you were trying to save me.

Douche-bag: I feel like you think you are entitled to my body right now. You need to check your privilege. This is my body and my choice. I think you are holding me back right now, forcing me to save your life.

Lady: What? What are you talking about?

Douche-bag: I’m saying that if I wasn’t stuck holding on to you right now, I could be doing better things with my time. Things I want to do. Like working on my chisel abs or putting some greasy stuff in my hair. I’m seriously thinking of letting go.

Lady: Wait, wait!!! Let’s talk about this. If you let go I will fall to my doom. You can’t do that. That would be murder. At lease, wait until we reach that ledge where I can hold on to something or until help arrives.

Douche-bag: Bitch, don’t you know about the douche-bag liberation movement, Douche-bag’ism. This means douche-bags like me no longer have to take responsibility for our actions. I didn’t kill you, you were falling and I just refuse to catch you. You know… my body, my choice. It is your fault you weren’t able to fly.

Lady: Are you insane? What kind of bullshit logic is that? Refusing to aid someone in distress when helping that person doesn’t endanger your life is murder. If you let go, you will be responsible for my death.

Douche-bag: Look lady, do you realize the freedoms you are taking from me? I could be learning how to read and write right now. Or I could be working on my gigolo career. Have you thought about that? Do you see how selfish you are?

Lady: Wait, I see a helicopter. Help has arrived. It won’t be long now.

Douche-bag: Lady, I don’t think you understand. I’m a mega selfish cunt who doesn’t care about anyone else but himself. If I decide to drop you while the rescue workers are trying to save you, I’m witting my right. Remember, my body, my choice.

Lady: Dude, if you let go, you will have my death on your conscience. Think about that.

Douche-bag: LOL!!! STFU bitch. I’m a douche-bag’ist, I have no conscience. It’s time for my afternoon tan, so Ciao….

Lady: HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I hope you had a good laugh ;-)

Gato Villano