Underrated Gems: Condorman
You know this will come off as a surprise to many. But before it became the giant out of touch nightmare there was a time Disney had game. Never was that truer than with this underrated gem from 1981.
The action/adventure/comedy Condorman.
Everything about this movie from the opening screams pay attention to me! The opening has a musical score composed by the late great musical genius Henry Mancini. If a musical score is vital for a movie, then Mancini shows why he'll always be a legend in the industry.
The opening features a cartoon version of Condorman flying around Paris. The way the movie intro transfers into the first scene is brilliant. It has Condorman landing on the Eiffel Tower.
Woody (Woodrow) Wilkins, played by Michael Crawford is a pro comic book writer. He's visiting Paris to come up with ideas for his latest character Condorman. Woody is a dreamer and creative who fancies himself a superhero.
So much so that sometimes he can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Which ends in humorous results. An example of this is at the beginning of the film.
Woody is on the Eiffel tower dressed in his Condorman attire. And he's ready to take flight. Below on the street his friend Harry Oslo played by James Hampton shows up with a camera to take pictures.
At first everything goes well. Then one of the wings on Woody’s suit breaks. And down into the Seine River he goes.
They return to Harry's flat. Woody expresses his frustration over his ideas not working. Harry thinks that he should take a break and head back to the United States.
Then Woody explains how he admires Harry for his job at the CIA. Harry tries to explain he’s a clerk.
In the next scene it’s discovered that the person Harry works for is in fact the head of the CIA’s Paris operations. Please note this was in 1981. Back at the beginning of the latter days of the Cold War.
Harry's boss Russ Devlin gets played by Dana Elcar. He explains that some papers need to get delivered. He also insists it's a simple operation.
And that a civilian can do it. All while he’s heading off to an important meeting. Thereby leaving poor Harry in quite the predicament.
In desperation he calls in a favor from Woody for this CIA effort. He meets his friend at the local train station in Paris. The comic book writer has always wanted to play secret agent.
And he's dressed Humphrey Bogart style. Gee that doesn’t stand out at all.
In Istanbul the scene opens with a belly dancer entertaining the patrons of a local hot spot. Woody enters…and immediately trips causing a bit of a ruckus. He tries to explain things to a waiter who walks towards him with a flaming poker.
Then the hapless man falls over again. Right into the lap of a good-looking woman named Natalia. Played by Barbara Carrera.
It becomes obvious that he's smitten with her. Oof cupid is a funny thing. One never knows when it strikes.
And poor Woody finds himself stumbling over himself to get her the documents.
Considering how beautiful she is it’s understandable. Woody tells her how he’s actually an international man of mystery type called Condorman. And then comes one of the funniest scenes in the movie.
Woody orders a triple Istanbul special. The drink turns out to be a literal fiery concoction. He has to use his hat to stifle the fire.
Then he breathes fire from his mouth after taking a sip. The horrified/befuddled look on his face is hysterical. That's a concoction I think I'll pass on thank you.
Even back in the days of the Cold War it was no big secret that the U.S.S.R. and China didn’t exactly like each other all that much. The thugs try to stop the two when they try to leave.
In the brawl that ensues Woody manages to dodge a knife attack and other assailants by the seat of his pants. The most he ends up with is a dry-cleaning bill for his coat.
Natalia returns to her apartment in Moscow. There she's greeted by her boss Sergei Krokov. Played by the late and great Oliver Reed.
Natalia explains her meeting in Istanbul. Including the CIA operative's name of Condorman. Krokov recognizes that Natalia is having doubts about the Soviet Union’s cause.
He explains she will not be going to Monti Carlo and that she needs "reeducation in the ways of “their masters.”
Back in Paris as night falls Woody is concentrating on his latest drawing. It’s a picture of Natalia drawn in a flattering light. He tries to show off his super heroine Laser Lady.
But Harry is fast asleep.
Harry confesses he knows who it is. Woody at first is reluctant on the idea of helping a Russian agent come over to the West. That changes when Russ Devlin reveals that the defector is Natalia Rombovia of the KGB.
Woody and Harry do some fast talking to get Russ to agree to put together the gadgets that Condorman uses. Russ Devlin finally agrees to it.
The movie then jumps to Yugoslavia. Woody meets up with Natalia and they attempt to flee. Two of Krokov’s agents manage to catch them.
The two try and bluff their way out but to no avail. Woody or rather Condorman explains he doesn’t carry a gun. Saying it’s against his code.
In other words, guns scare him because of the noise. And adds he only has his cane. Insert a delightful comedic surprise when it turns up the cane is actually a gun in disguise.
Making fun of the James Bond films much?
And poor Woody yelps in fright as the gun/cane goes off causing Natalia and Krokov’s goons to dive for the ground. Woody’s the ground. Woody’s response is pure comedic genius. “That’s a hair trigger, fastest cane in the West."
One of Krokov’s men tries to grab Woody who ducks. Again, our hero is flying by the seat of his pants.
The agent gets hit from behind with the cane before the two flee. In a Gypsy truck they drive down the Yugoslavian roads as Woody explains what America is like.
The scene changes to Monti Carlo. An enraged Krokov has learned of Natalia's escape. He orders that Natalia remain alive as “Death is too good for that little traitor,”
But that the man (Woody) is expendable. Krokov activates the Prognoviach, the KGB's pursuit squadron. Their leader is the homicidal glass-eyed assassin Morovich, played by Jean-Pierre Kalfon.
In a brief cutscene a panicked Yugoslavian town populace shows how feared the KGB unit is. They intercept Woody and Natalia. But the would-be man of mystery has a few
surprises of his own.
The Gypsy truck turns into a sports car. Fun fact about this vehicle. It would end up being the prototype for KITT AKA the Knight Rider car.
Once again through sheer luck the protagonist defeats the infamous KGB unit. Natalia and Woody escape when the sports car turns into a jet-propelled boat. Even from beneath his helmet, it’s clear the dangerous KGB field operative is not pleased.
Back in Monti Carlo Krokov is even less pleased and embarks on a tirade of epic proportions. “Have you seen this report on this Condorman, on this man Wilkins? He is an amateur do you hear? He is not an agent of the CIA. He is a writer of comic books!”
In this scene one thing is clear. Whether throwing a fit or being a cool and calculating villain Oliver Reed was having a ball. Krokov predicts where Woody and Natalia are heading.
That place turns up to be a small town in Italy. Krokov sends the authorities to arrest the two on false charges. Even Woody has to admit they’re in trouble.
Then a person claiming to be a police detective from Monti Carlo comes to fetch the "felons". The detective is in fact Harry Oslo in disguise. This is the plan B that Russ Devlin was improvising back in Paris.
The three leave in a small car but end up having to run when they spot Morovich. The dangerous KGB agent is coming to collect Natalia. The three mix in with an Italian wedding.
It seems the Glass-eye agent is about to trap the three. Then Natalia starts a commotion by claiming she’s married to the groom. This starts a fight in the church between the two families.
Romeo and Juliet much?
The three use the fight to escape. You're smooth Natalia, very smooth.
The scene changes to an Inn near the Swiss Alps. There the three get a room for the night. While Woody gets some sleep Harry uses the bathroom to get a shower.
Natalia is curious about the children staring at her since she arrived. She then finds out Woody is not the great secret agent he claims to be. See Woody it’s not good to tell lies.
Sooner or later, you get found out. Harry runs out of the Inn looking worried.
He's forced to explain the situation and how this all started with him. Well, looking at it from a logical perspective Harry is right. That night in the lodge they’re staying at there's some dancing.
Harry gets pulled back to the dance floor by an enthusiastic young lady. Natalia admits her feelings for Woody. Not bad for a guy who does comic books.
The next day they clamber up a mountain and find some jet-propelled gear. It's meant to take them across a cable line to freedom in the Western World. As cool as this idea is I thought to myself this.
“Um Woody I appreciate your enthusiasm. But consider Krokov might know about Yugoslavia. So, don't you think you're a bit exposed?
That proves to be the case as Krokov has prepared an ambush. Morovich uses a sniper rifle to break the cable rider Woody and Harry are on. Then Krokov has his goons grab Natalia when she reaches the end.
She struggles as the villainous KGB official takes her to Monte Carlo. But it seems by some miracle the snow provided padding that broke the fall of Woody and Harry.
Condorman’s longtime friend whimpers, “I…am never moving again!”
Considering the drop that’s understandable!
Meanwhile Harry has learned where Natalia is. Woody wants to go after her. But Harry explains that the mission is being scrapped.
Woody admits he loves Natalia and wants to get her to safety. Aww, what a guy!
At a formal gathering in Monte Carlo Natalia and Krokov are making the rounds. Two Sheikhs attract the attention of the KGB official. Those two are in fact Woody and Harry in disguise.
The next day Woody dodges talking to a British Oil executive who seems to be nodding to everything he says. Oh, dear God talk about cringy! He finally meets up with Natalia.
She tries to explain that Krokov is watching and that she’s changed her mind. But as she leaves she mentions
bringing the dip. A reference to a conversation they had while at the Inn in Sweden.
Harry then uses some powerful explosive to shake up the villa setting off the alarms! Woody grabs Natalia and they scamper for the top of the building. Harry scrambles to a car and races away heading for the docks in Monte Carlo.
But he forgets he’s in a country where people drive on the “wrong side” of the road.
On top of the building Woody sheds his garb to reveal a Condorman flying suit. Before he takes off, he asks if she wants out. As it turns up surprise-surprise she wants him.
The two take off in the glider/suit. Krokov, Morovich, and their men shoot at them but miss. The KGB official orders Morovich to “Prepare them.”
The two glide down to the dock. Harry races there to signal them. And forgets to turn on the brakes for the car.
He ends up having the Rolls Royce go into the water. What a way for such a gorgeous car to go. Down into the drink, what a waste!
The defector and comic writer land. Woody takes off the flying suit. Natalia admits saying she’d changed her mind on defecting was a lie.
In her words, “Laser Lady would do anything to save the man she loves.”
The two share a kiss but Harry reminds them they're still in danger. They scamper into a nearby tent. What emerges is a three-person jet-propelled speedboat.
Things get complicated when the Prognoviach at Krokov's orders give chase. What ensues is one of the coolest boat chase scenes of all. Rather than fleeing the speedboat has a laser blaster and smoke device.
Through pure luck Woody and Harry manage to destroy the boats of the KGB pursuit squadron. But they’re not exactly free and in the clear. Morovich and Krokov pursue them intent on killing Natalia.
The laser weapon gets destroyed. But not before it takes out the rocket launcher on the boat the KGB duo use. Woody and the others reach a U.S. Government airlift.
Krokov realizes there’s no way they can stop the trio and orders the silver-eyed assassin to return to base.
Humiliated by Woody/Condorman Morovich decides he's taking them all down. Realizing what the insubordinate assassin is about to do Krokov dives off the boat.
Morovich misses them and ends up crashing into some nearby rocks. Taking himself and the boat out. Woody and Harry let out a chuckle as they see the KGB official emerge, wet, angry, and embarrassed.
Beaten by a comic book writer…awkward.
The final scene is in Los Angeles. Woody, Natalia, and Harry are taking in a Dodgers game. Natalia gets a Good Year blimp with a message welcoming her to the States.
Up in said blimp the head of the CIA and Devlin are also watching. The head insists on using "Condorman" for what he calls a "Delicate mission”. The movie ends with Harry asking if Woody would like to take Condorman to a new location.
Oh no here we go again!
When this movie first came out it wasn't well-received by critics. But over time it's built up quite a following. With comics abandoning fun for political ideology this action-packed romp would be welcome.
This movie has become a real underrated gem in Disney’s repertoire. Or at least the old Disney not the nightmarish monopoly it is now. The film can be a little cheesy, but it’s enough for some chuckles.
Also, Michael Crawford who's British wins the award for the worst American accent. A good example of this is when Woody and Natalia are fleeing in Yugoslavia. Crawford’s British accent sneaks out.
Oops surprise!
But this movie is good fun with some okay writing. The crew and cast enjoyed themselves. If the cast and crew are happy, that says something.
And that’s what makes Condorman an Underrated Gem.
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